Joke of the day
- Thread starter Mila McCloud
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Buk
Diamond Member
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True? How much? Mates rates? I'll take whatever you've got. Thanks Happy2 you are now on my Christmas list .
Happy2
Legend Member
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- 15
After having their 11th child, a poor Irish couple decided that was enough
So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children
The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the problem but it was expensive
A less costly alternative was to go home, get a large firecracker, light it , put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10
The husband said to the doctor B jayzus , I may not be the smartest guy in the world, but I don't see how putting a fireworks in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me with my problem
Trust me It will do the job
So the man went home , lit a cracker and put it in a beer can. He held the can to his ear and began to count 1 2, 3, 4 ,5. At which point he paused placed the beer can between his legs so he could continue counting on his other hand
This procedure also works in Tasmania
So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children
The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the problem but it was expensive
A less costly alternative was to go home, get a large firecracker, light it , put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10
The husband said to the doctor B jayzus , I may not be the smartest guy in the world, but I don't see how putting a fireworks in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me with my problem
Trust me It will do the job
So the man went home , lit a cracker and put it in a beer can. He held the can to his ear and began to count 1 2, 3, 4 ,5. At which point he paused placed the beer can between his legs so he could continue counting on his other hand
This procedure also works in Tasmania
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It's an easy choice: would you prefer more toffs or more potential terrorists? Coz the rest of you lot aren't breeding fast enough (thanks to those bloody feminists).
Granted, my issue are likely to be odious albino dwarf toffs -- or albotwoffs -- but, while they may cut you down mercilessly with their sabre wit, you'll still be able to dust yourself off and marvel at their precise grammar and faultless spelling (excludes deliberate errors and omissions for emphasis and illustrative purposes).
Come on, hot, sexy ladies of child-bearing age, don't miss out on this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to become impregnated with some premium sperm (or Spermium[TM]) completely free of charge. You'll just need to sign a waiver against any future paternity law suits and child support payments.
Arise, albotwoffs! Your time cummeth!
Happy2
Legend Member
- Points
- 15
One morning , whist she was making breakfast , a man walked up to his wife and pinched her at the top of her buttocks You know if you firmed up a little we could get rid of those control top panty hose
While this was on the edge of intolerable she kept quiet
The next morning the man woke and and with a grapple of both boobs said You know if you firmed up a bit we could get rid of that bra
This was to much She rolled over grabbed him by his cock With a firm Death grip and she said
You know If you firmed up a bit we could get rid of the Gardener The Postman and your brother
While this was on the edge of intolerable she kept quiet
The next morning the man woke and and with a grapple of both boobs said You know if you firmed up a bit we could get rid of that bra
This was to much She rolled over grabbed him by his cock With a firm Death grip and she said
You know If you firmed up a bit we could get rid of the Gardener The Postman and your brother
Happy2
Legend Member
- Points
- 15
A little boy asks his dad "what are politics"
"Well son let me try and explain it this way
I am head of the family So call me the Prime minister
Your mother is the administrator of the money So we'll call her the government
We're her to take care of your needs, so we'll call you The people
The nanny we'll consider her the working class
And your baby brother we will call the future
Now think about that and see if it makes sense
So the little guy goes off to bed thinking about what his dad's said
Later that night he hears his baby brother crying so goes to check on him He finds he's soiled his nappy
So the boy goes to his parents room and finds his mother sound asleep Not wanting to wake her , he goes to the nannies room Finding the door locked he looks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny He gives up and goes back to bed
Next morning the little boy says to his dad "Dad I think I understand politics now
Good son Tell me in your own words , what you think politics is all about
The little boy replies
The prime minister is screwing the working class while the government is sound asleep The people are being ignored and the future is in deep shit
"Well son let me try and explain it this way
I am head of the family So call me the Prime minister
Your mother is the administrator of the money So we'll call her the government
We're her to take care of your needs, so we'll call you The people
The nanny we'll consider her the working class
And your baby brother we will call the future
Now think about that and see if it makes sense
So the little guy goes off to bed thinking about what his dad's said
Later that night he hears his baby brother crying so goes to check on him He finds he's soiled his nappy
So the boy goes to his parents room and finds his mother sound asleep Not wanting to wake her , he goes to the nannies room Finding the door locked he looks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny He gives up and goes back to bed
Next morning the little boy says to his dad "Dad I think I understand politics now
Good son Tell me in your own words , what you think politics is all about
The little boy replies
The prime minister is screwing the working class while the government is sound asleep The people are being ignored and the future is in deep shit
lookinglong
Diamond Member
- Points
- 43
Thats like a long stretch on death row
lookinglong
Diamond Member
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- 43
7 days a week as well
holterman
Silver Member
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- 0
Job interview.
I was in a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said, "I want you to try and sell this to me."
So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building and went home.
Eventually he called my mobile and said, "Bring it back here right now!"
I said, "$100 and it's yours."
I was in a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said, "I want you to try and sell this to me."
So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building and went home.
Eventually he called my mobile and said, "Bring it back here right now!"
I said, "$100 and it's yours."
lookinglong
Diamond Member
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- 43
Can't wait for December to start
Amanda Secrets
Diamond Member
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I thought of Happy Pirate when I read this :
As Blackbeard was sailing the seas and noticed in the distance a tattered and battered pirate vessel. He got up close and could see the lone figure of Calcio Jack on the deck. Cupping his hands he yelled across the water
Ahoy - matey, where's yur buckeneers???
Calcio yelled back
"On my bucking head"
As Blackbeard was sailing the seas and noticed in the distance a tattered and battered pirate vessel. He got up close and could see the lone figure of Calcio Jack on the deck. Cupping his hands he yelled across the water
Ahoy - matey, where's yur buckeneers???
Calcio yelled back
"On my bucking head"
V
vader
Did you hear about the Chinese Godfather?
He made him an offer he couldn't understand.
He made him an offer he couldn't understand.
figjam
Gold Member
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A Trip down the memory lane
A bloke is shopping in his local supermarket and notices a very attractive woman waving at him.
She says, 'Hello.'
He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he asks, 'Do you know me?'
To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife.
So he asks,
'Are you the stripper from my best mate's stag party that I made love to on the pool table, with all my mates watching, while your friend, the other stripper, whipped my bare arse with wet celery?'
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.'
A bloke is shopping in his local supermarket and notices a very attractive woman waving at him.
She says, 'Hello.'
He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he asks, 'Do you know me?'
To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife.
So he asks,
'Are you the stripper from my best mate's stag party that I made love to on the pool table, with all my mates watching, while your friend, the other stripper, whipped my bare arse with wet celery?'
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.'
lookinglong
Diamond Member
- Points
- 43
Cheap Xmas gift
Strawman
Silver Member
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I just see the guy bending over about to shove his nose in her mouth.....
lookinglong
Diamond Member
- Points
- 43
Honestly , I'm not staring
lookinglong
Diamond Member
- Points
- 43
I'll hit it so many different ways
lookinglong
Diamond Member
- Points
- 43
Shit , Its the only Bulge I don't have