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Lets share some good jokes to make us smile

I went to my doctor the other day to find out my new doctor is a smoking hot young blonde girl! She said "don't worry I'm a professional, you can tell me anything! What seems to be the problem?" I said "My wife thinks my dick tastes funny!" 🙂
 
Dear Charlie, We've been neighbours for six tumultuous years. When you borrowed my snowblower, you returned it in pieces. When I was sick, you blasted Metallica. And when your dog decorated my lawn, you laughed. I could go on, but I'm not one to hold grudges. So I am writing this letter to tell you that your house is on fire. Cordially, Harry
 
The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.
The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.
They said "Man, what happened to you?" He said "Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night".
The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.
They said "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!" He said, 'Man, that Bob shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night".
The third night was Fred's turn. Old mate Fred was a man's man. Knew a thing or two.
The next morning, he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed. "Good morning!" he said. They couldn't believe it. They said "Man, what happened?"
He said "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Bob into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night. Bob sat up and watched me all night".
 
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A helpful soldier got me back in my car after I'd locked myself out. He simply pressed his thigh against the door and it opened. At first I was amazed I then noticed he was wearing khakis
 
"Mummy, mummy, are little birds made of metal?" "Of course not, darling, why do you think that?" "I just heard daddy say he'd like to screw the arse off the little bird next door".
 
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