Women not interested in sex.

[Master Yoda]

At the end of the day, we cannot tell our wives what to do or control their beliefs. We can only improve ourselves and influence.

The mirror never lies. We are a little different from them.

Emotional safety to them is like sex to us. We don’t give it and they won’t offer it.

Anyone care to comment ?

 

[johnmatilda]

At the end of the day, we cannot tell our wives what to do or control their beliefs. We can only improve ourselves and influence.

Agreed.

Emotional safety to them is like sex to us. We don’t give it and they won’t offer it.

Disagree in that even if you offer emotional safety, sex won't necessarily be forthcoming. It may work better on Asian women who are still traditional as LZZ alluded earlier about her friend which I surmise to be Asian. Happy to be proven wrong. For western women, it's different. She has to be attracted to you and attraction isn't a negotiation.

I agree about improving oneself and influence though. Be the best version of yourself not for her but for yourself. If you don't get her, there are others. My 2c.

 

[Master Yoda]

Agreed.


Disagree in that even if you offer emotional safety, sex won't necessarily be forthcoming. It may work better on Asian women who are still traditional as LZZ alluded earlier about her friend which I surmise to be Asian. Happy to be proven wrong. For western women, it's different. She has to be attracted to you and attraction isn't a negotiation.

I agree about improving oneself and influence though. Be the best version of yourself not for her but for yourself. If you don't get her, there are others. My 2c.

Totally. Be a better man for yourself and detach from an outcome our wives.

Simple, but not easy.

 

[hd1200]

Agreed.


Disagree in that even if you offer emotional safety, sex won't necessarily be forthcoming. It may work better on Asian women who are still traditional as LZZ alluded earlier about her friend which I surmise to be Asian. Happy to be proven wrong. For western women, it's different. She has to be attracted to you and attraction isn't a negotiation.

I agree about improving oneself and influence though. Be the best version of yourself not for her but for yourself. If you don't get her, there are others. My 2c.

She could be attracted to you today…..tomorrow is another story!!!

 

[hd1200]

Over the years, experience has taught me not to build expectations of others.
You only set yourself up for disappointment.
Don’t rely on others for your happiness…

 

[johnmatilda]

She could be attracted to you today…..tomorrow is another story!!!

Indeed. Monkey branching, as it is known, is quote common with women.

 

[johnmatilda]

Over the years, experience has taught me not to build expectations of others.
You only set yourself up for disappointment.
Don’t rely on others for your happiness…

100%. Which is why I said:

Be the best version of yourself not for her but for yourself.

 

[johnmatilda]

Stumbled upon this on Twitter:

https://twitter.com/i/web/status/1745005489803374679

 

[johnmatilda]

And another!

https://x.com/Shadaya_Knight/status/1712426122351132834?s=20

 

[hd1200]

And another!

https://x.com/Shadaya_Knight/status/1712426122351132834?s=20

A great summation of a therapeutic solution using a real life example!

 

[John Smithl]

Another perspective...

https://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/relationships/sex/real-reason-a-lot-of-couples-stop-having-sex/news-story/4b18ff8633e19b046e4a9d664597fcdb

 

[johnmatilda]

Another perspective...

https://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/relationships/sex/real-reason-a-lot-of-couples-stop-having-sex/news-story/4b18ff8633e19b046e4a9d664597fcdb

When I saw that it was an article by Jana Hocking, I was about to dismiss it. Anything by her and Mary Madigan I don't bother (Jana giving relationship advice when she can't hold down a relationship and sleeps around as much as she can, and Mary because she just generally hates men; a modern feminist).

But figured, what the heck, I'll read it since you posted it. Turns out the advice isn't from a woman telling men to treat a woman like a queen - the advice is from another man. Perhaps there is some truth to the advice of Alain but I don't think that is all there is to it. I think women just become comfortable in their relationships amongst other things that they lose sexual attraction for their partners. It is often said that men have built a comfortable world for women so much so that men have become expendable.

I'm not partnered so I can't try the suggested solution "How have we annoyed each other"?

Anyone care to try it out and report back? If your partner asks why, maybe insist on an answer before revealing why. Once you have the answer, share the article and see if it makes any difference to her attitude and your sex life. If anything, rather than suffer in silence, it will show her there is an issue boiling under the surface. She can then decide to action or ignore it. At least you then kinda know where you (and her) stand.

 

[John Smithl]

When I saw that it was an article by Jana Hocking, I was about to dismiss it. Anything by her and Mary Madigan I don't bother (Jana giving relationship advice when she can't hold down a relationship and sleeps around as much as she can, and Mary because she just generally hates men; a modern feminist).

But figured, what the heck, I'll read it since you posted it. Turns out the advice isn't from a woman telling men to treat a woman like a queen - the advice is from another man. Perhaps there is some truth to the advice of Alain but I don't think that is all there is to it. I think women just become comfortable in their relationships amongst other things that they lose sexual attraction for their partners. It is often said that men have built a comfortable world for women so much so that men have become expendable.

I'm not partnered so I can't try the suggested solution "How have we annoyed each other"?

Anyone care to try it out and report back? If your partner asks why, maybe insist on an answer before revealing why. Once you have the answer, share the article and see if it makes any difference to her attitude and your sex life. If anything, rather than suffer in silence, it will show her there is an issue boiling under the surface. She can then decide to action or ignore it. At least you then kinda know where you (and her) stand.

I hear you regarding some article authors. I feel the same regarding Nadia Bokody's articles.

I agree that there is likely to be a comfort factor from either partner in a relationship.

 

[johnmatilda]

I hear you regarding some article authors. I feel the same regarding Nadia Bokody's articles.

I agree that there is likely to be a comfort factor from either partner in a relationship.

Yep, she's another one giving relationship advice and only found out a few years ago that she is a lesbian!

 

[kendo]

I once heard a 'so-called' old American rule for acceptable age difference (from a male) .. After 22 half ya age and add 7.

 

[johnmatilda]

I once heard a 'so-called' old American rule for acceptable age difference (from a male) .. After 22 half ya age and add 7.

Sounds good to me!

 

[humdinger]

My advice. Don't have kids. It won't get any better from here. Have a discussion with her and lay down your expectations and needs from the marriage. If there is no improvement and if it's not going to cost you, I would bail if I were you.

Agreed. If I didn't I would have left long ago, regardless of the exit fee. If the whole family court / child support structure was more father friendly I'd go now, but having been there done that and got the t-shirt, its financially not really an option in my case. Even if the split was amicable, in my experience once financial stress comes into things for both parents, things have a habit of going south rapidly, even though you only want the best for the kids. Oh plus the prospect of a FVRO being placed on you as a male from your ex under the advice of the lawyers. This is now the most common tactic employed to give them the upper hand in the negotiation of property settlement and children's matters and the consequences to the accused can be dire on so many fronts. They really need no evidence to get one, its very difficult to defend against, and there is no punishment by the court for raising a FVRO under false pretence or lies. This is the law and its designed so that the real victims of domestic violence are protected and not afraid to seek a FVRO. Unfortunately its now being abused by legal practitioners and it a well know tactic. Its no wonder that so many dads take their own lives after separation...

 

[humdinger]

I actually have a question that bother me for a long time. It would be nice if I can get some real view from you guys. From what I read from Chinese social media, I saw thousands of complaints from women that they face body shaming from their husbands due to changes in their physique during pregnancy and their husbands are not interested in having sex with them because of the loose, stretching belly and loose pussy. I even see men post on social media expressing lack of interests in their wives because of that. I've seen the stomach and body of women who have given birth, and indeed, there is a big difference compared to before having children.

So the question is, to what extent, that would impact a man's interest in their wife if the wife is not as attractive as before and how do you guys cope with it ? Go for WLs or just OK with their body change? Don't need to lie, no one know each other in this forum.

For me, whilst I find a woman who is in great shape attractive, thats not what really attracts me. Thats just eye candy. For me its the connection that makes the difference between having sex and making love. One is transactional and the other an energy transfer and bonding.

In all reality, a woman who is comfortable in her body, no matter the shape or condition, and more importantly smiles and is generally happy, is far more attractive than any super model without a smile. There has been lots of studies on this and in general men find happy women with a smile far more attractive than those with hot bodies and no smile. It might also be the reason men do tend to find younger women attractive, because generally they are happier and smile more (possibly due to being care free and without the burden of kids, financial stress etc).

 

[johnmatilda]

Agreed. If I didn't I would have left long ago, regardless of the exit fee. If the whole family court / child support structure was more father friendly I'd go now, but having been there done that and got the t-shirt, its financially not really an option in my case. Even if the split was amicable, in my experience once financial stress comes into things for both parents, things have a habit of going south rapidly, even though you only want the best for the kids. Oh plus the prospect of a FVRO being placed on you as a male from your ex under the advice of the lawyers. This is now the most common tactic employed to give them the upper hand in the negotiation of property settlement and children's matters and the consequences to the accused can be dire on so many fronts. They really need no evidence to get one, its very difficult to defend against, and there is no punishment by the court for raising a FVRO under false pretence or lies. This is the law and its designed so that the real victims of domestic violence are protected and not afraid to seek a FVRO. Unfortunately its now being abused by legal practitioners and it a well know tactic. Its no wonder that so many dads take their own lives after separation...

There is a saying: A woman truly knows her husband after she marries him. A man truly knows his wife after he divorces her.

 

[johnmatilda]

For me, whilst I find a woman who is in great shape attractive, thats not what really attracts me. Thats just eye candy. For me its the connection that makes the difference between having sex and making love. One is transactional and the other an energy transfer and bonding.

In all reality, a woman who is comfortable in her body, no matter the shape or condition, and more importantly smiles and is generally happy, is far more attractive than any super model without a smile. There has been lots of studies on this and in general men find happy women with a smile far more attractive than those with hot bodies and no smile. It might also be the reason men do tend to find younger women attractive, because generally they are happier and smile more (possibly due to being care free and without the burden of kids, financial stress etc).

My father told me that a woman without a smile and a sense of humour is a red flat. I didn't know what it really meant and how to apply this knowledge then but now I do. I would never bother with a woman who had no sense of humour.

 

[johnmatilda]

For me, whilst I find a woman who is in great shape attractive, thats not what really attracts me. Thats just eye candy. For me its the connection that makes the difference between having sex and making love. One is transactional and the other an energy transfer and bonding.

In all reality, a woman who is comfortable in her body, no matter the shape or condition, and more importantly smiles and is generally happy, is far more attractive than any super model without a smile. There has been lots of studies on this and in general men find happy women with a smile far more attractive than those with hot bodies and no smile. It might also be the reason men do tend to find younger women attractive, because generally they are happier and smile more (possibly due to being care free and without the burden of kids, financial stress etc).

agree

 

[johnmatilda]

 

[CheckOut]

I agree with the lack of communication with every marriage and female, but mature women have knocked back sex at the start of their marriage and why when they mature together sex is non-existant. And the man totally turned off, their fault.

That's why mature women cheat, they haven't lost their sex drive. Just they need someone new to spark it up again. And living with the same man they become very complacent. It's why marriages fail also, due to mature women questioning their sexuality and man if he still loves her. but really why he doesn't find her sexually desirable bullshit

Married women you're stuck with them and have to deal with their drama at the end of the day vs WL getting a root and walking out drama free.
If you calculate cost you will get more companionship with a married lady but you have to deal with whatever problems she has. In the long run i reckon seeing a WL or a new WL without worrying about cheating with another WL is better off

Hmm and your ‘expert analysis’ from real life experience or reading and preaching what you think??? This sounds if coming from a non married person as a lot of assumptions in it!!

 

[HookPsy]

Hmm and your ‘expert analysis’ from real life experience or reading and preaching what you think??? This sounds if coming from a non married person as a lot of assumptions in it

Real life. you can spin it any way you like, and take what experiences and information is written here. Im just adding my 2 cents.

 

[johnmatilda]

Hmm and your ‘expert analysis’ from real life experience or reading and preaching what you think??? This sounds if coming from a non married person as a lot of assumptions in it!!

What HookPsy said was 100% correct. Need proof? There was a post in this forum by MAK who said that for the right man who tickles her fancy, her libido may be aroused (not her exact words). I can't find that post but someone may remember it.

It's all about the tingles I tell you. The tingles tickle the libido into life!

 

[johnmatilda]

What HookPsy said was 100% correct. Need proof? There was a post in this forum by MAK who said that for the right man who tickles her fancy, her libido may be aroused (not her exact words). I can't find that post but someone may remember it.

It's all about the tingles I tell you. The tingles tickle the libido into life!

Here are the posts:

https://www.talkinsex.com/threads/photos-from-2012-in-latex-chinese-compression-underwaer.94652/post-874433

https://www.talkinsex.com/threads/photos-from-2012-in-latex-chinese-compression-underwaer.94652/post-874438

 

[CheckOut]

Real life. you can spin it any way you like, and take what experiences and information is written here. Im just adding my 2 cents.

Sounds like you’re spinning something you’re not experienced in or had experience with!! Can’t really add your two cents into the conversation if you’ve not known or experienced!!!

 

[CheckOut]

What HookPsy said was 100% correct. Need proof? There was a post in this forum by MAK who said that for the right man who tickles her fancy, her libido may be aroused (not her exact words). I can't find that post but someone may remember it.

It's all about the tingles I tell you. The tingles tickle the libido into life!

So because someone ‘tickles the libido’ it’s ok to cheat on partner? Is that what you’re saying here? And by that saying that the partner lucks out by her / him doing that?? I guess the ppl posting in this forum feel it’s quite acceptable to cheat on a spouse or partner if their ‘itch’ is aroused by another!
I may be mis understanding or misreading

 

[mrys]

So because someone ‘tickles the libido’ it’s ok to cheat on partner? Is that what you’re saying here? And by that saying that the partner lucks out by her / him doing that?? I guess the ppl posting in this forum feel it’s quite acceptable to cheat on a spouse or partner if their ‘itch’ is aroused by another!
I may be mis understanding or misreading

I think you might have checked out of reality? This is a punting forum, some punters are married some are not. Why married punters punt is their business and they have clearly weighed up the pro's and con's of their actions (I would hope) and have good reasons to punt. There are lots of reasons why people cheat on their partner, who are we to judge?

 

[humdinger]

Anyone else notice that when you try to suggest a bit of intimacy or initiate it in some way, especially in advance, that your partner always finds a way of starting a fight, so that they don't have to be intimate with you? Throughout the years I have tried to act on the suggestions my partner has made when we have discussed the lack of intimacy. E.g. Time of the day she is most horny (when I'm at work), when she is not tired (rarely), when the children are not home (never), when she is not on her period or the lead up (only leaving a two week window at best) etc, etc. When ever I try there is always a reason, and if not, then she starts a fight. Its a wheel of constant rejection that has made me into the shell of a man I am today. We have had lots of counselling in the past, learnt the love languages etc. Although when it suits her (could be any time, even when tired, even when kids in the house, even in her pms week etc) she is happy to just spur of the moment have sex. Unfortunately there is an average of 3-6 months between the these rare times, sometimes 12 months, and at one point several years. It is always without doubt on her terms and absolutely never when I feel the urge (everyday). Yet her vibrator gets regular use. Her answer to that is she has needs and its generally when I'm at work or she just doesn't want the fuss of sex. Seems I've been replaced by a sex toy or perhaps another man.