• If you are having any problems posting threads plz message Kate. since latest update we have had 6 members with problems, sorted those but yet to find the problem.

To stay single or not..

  • Thread starter Thread starter Thatguy
  • Start date Start date
I LOVE being single, I'm always there when I need me.::) I don't need a man to rectify my existence. Too many ladies rush into relationships because of the fear of being single, then start making compromises...
I strongly believe, if you are not happy being single you will never be happy in a relationship.
Some women choose to follow men, and I choose to follow my dreams and goals. As for others, if you find someone to love, that love you, well, that's just fabulous and good for you!-))) I love my family, my friends ( female and male) and thats enough.-)
 
Last edited:
Let's put down a few good points of being single, in my experience as a Single woman for the last twelve years!

More freedom and independence
Being single means I have more freedom. I answer to no one. (If you’re single, you don’t have to let anyone know when you decide to go somewhere. It allows for more spontaneity in your life.. Being single allows you to be your own person and really just do as you please.) Being single has allowed me to make my own choices- good, bad or otherwise. It has made me a more complete, independent, well-rounded person, which is a great quality to have, & really no one will notice if I decide to seek a relationship later on.

• More control over my time
I have more time for myself and things that I like to do. I can set my own schedule. Being single has given me more time for hobbies, relaxation, being with friends and family, and so on. Being single has given me more time to better myself. Relationships require a significant amount of time, as anyone who is in a relationship will tell you. So, doesn’t it stand to reason to take advantage of any extra time you have for yourself?

• More control over my money
In addition to time, relationships also require money. Being single gives me full financial freedom. I am in control of where every dollar I spend goes. Being single allows me to spend money I have on myself or my kids with no guilt.but sometimes I can be irresponsible with my money!! Single or not, you still need to make responsible financial decisions. Being single makes it easier to plan for saving money for the future and for unforeseen circumstances.

• Not having to tolerate another’s annoying habits
Let’s face it – all of us have quirks about ourselves that someone else finds annoying. Being single frees me from this issue. Being single allows me to give patience a rest and live in a non-frustrating environment. The only disgusting habits I have to put up with are my own.LOL

• No emotional roller coaster rides
Being single allows me to stabilize my emotions. (When a person is in a relationship, your emotions can go completely out of whack. It’s enough to make a person go bonkers.) Being single means I don’t have to worry about going through a heart-wrenching breakup. Also once you’ve become a successful single, you will appreciate being able to be emotionally relaxed.

• Ability to become aware of who I am
I know I have a deeper awareness of who I really am - not someone as defined by a relationship.
(During the initial stages of a relationship, you try to make yourself look as good as possible to impress the other person, and often find yourself saying and doing things you normally wouldn’t do). Being single has allowed me to be myself and develop who I really am.

Just some of the advantages to being single. I feel I am progressing into becoming a successful single, I do find more & more
advantages. Since I have passed the “grass is greener on the other side” way of thinking, I actually make the most of being single.

John Wooden said, “Things turn out best for people who make the best out of the way things turn out.”

 
Last edited:
DD, NUMBER ONE thing that piss you off of being single it's the QUESTION FROM MARRIED WOMEN ( often in unhappy relationship where they stuck for years) WHEN YOU WILL GET MARRIED???-)) That's why i don't go to weddings anymore.-)):violent5:
 
Wow well this has definitely been an interesting read. My turn to put my two cents in I guess!

Well, I can honestly say I love being single. The last relationship I had was pretty intense too quickly, and I've definitely learnt from it and taken a step back. I find that I become too compromising and eager to please when I'm in a relationship - I start to lose myself, and therefore change what the other person likes about me and what I like about myself. I'm a very independent person, and when there's someone else I need to consult on decisions, I find that I lose too much of that independence - and that's not their fault, it's mine. I think I know myself better now so things would be different, but I like my life right now, and I don't want anyone to complicate that. I have certain goals that I want to achieve and having to share that with someone else would just not fit right now. Will I ever have another relationship? Maybe, but unlikely. I'm lucky enough right now to get everything I need from my work. And when on the odd occasion I need a hug or a cuddle I suck it up and move on. Or I ask one of my friends for a proper hug :) They'll usually oblige. It's not quite the same, but for me, right now, it suits just fine. If that changes, perhaps I'll look for someone, but I'm not sure I can really imagine myself with anybody. I don't want kids or a white picket fence, so I don't see the point in marriage for me. The only thing I miss is the intimacy, because I get the sex from work.

Now the sex - looking back on the last few relationships I've had - and they've not been long term like alot of your marriages - I've initiated most of the sex. Even before I was a working girl...and I don't remember ever saying no or making a lame excuse like I have a headache. If my partner went to the trouble of initiating, I always responded...but I was usually the one to start...and I've never had a huge sex drive (though its alot higher now than it used to be - not sure if that's because I'm more comfortable with myself or because of the job). When I had a partner, sex was usually about pleasing them and feeling close and intimate. It wasn't about me, it was usually about them. Perhaps that's why I could never completely relax with anyone and why my relationships never lasted particularly long...think my longest was a year and that was some time ago. I've always enjoyed sex, because I fed off my partner, but my first orgasm wasn't until I was with 25 and the first time I ever came with another person was with a client. Now that I know myself and my body better, I can relax and enjoy more, but I think it can take women ALOT longer to learn what they like and even longer to express that. We can be a very self and body conscious lot. And until we learn to be comfortable in our own skin, no amount of "Your beautifuls" is going to work. I don't believe that's something a partner can influence, every person needs to learn to accept themselves. With all the images of perfection out there, we're most critical of ourselves.

So as to whether you should be a punter, give up on relationships or just go without - it's really entirely up to you. Every person has different experiences and will change moods all the time. Even hard core punters have had shit experiences and I'm sure must have thought "Will I ever do that again?" And everyone comes or cums ;) for a different reason. Whether its sex, intimacy, company, a joke, to fill the time, to have a drink, share a laugh, peer pressure...whatever the myriad reasons, the thing you have to remember is at the end of the day even with peer pressure, it YOUR choice. And that choice or decision can and will change daily. Some days you may feel you don't want to see a working lady ever again, others you might want 2 or 3 or more. Some days you may feel that you really want another relationship and you're sick of being single - others that you love being a bachelor or bachelorette. I think that sometimes we forget that feelings and wants and some needs, are not static. We're human and we change our minds (yes even men) all the time. So just remember there's no right or wrong answer to being single or being partnered. Whatever is "right" should be right for YOU in the situation or place that YOU are in, not someone else.

Phew! That was a long post, and as it's 7am on a Sunday morning (Saturday night for me), I hope it makes sense! All the best peeps ;)

xoxo
Topaz
 
Wow great comments DD, Amada and Topaz, I think I have a whole new appreciation of being singe! :)

I was married for 20 years and am just at the tail end of the break up - sorting out the assets, as you said there's the emotional roller coaster which I'm still going through to a lesser degree, then there's the loss of everything I own, my home which I pretty much built, investments, furniture - it even cost me the job I loved and friends and my dog ran away (he got out of it easy!). Then there's the differences in libido which grew over time and caused a lot of stress.

I'll be much happier in the next few weeks when I am truly single and can leave the stress behind. The only thing I really miss about having a regular person in my life is the intimacy and regular sex but have had that more consistently with a FWB arrangement and with a couple of great w/l's that I've clicked with and the financial cost has in hindsight been lower than with the long term relationship.
 
My mate who got married and rubished me for geting hookers
Now reslises I paid far far less for sex he did
Theres 2 kinds of women
Those that charge for sex upfront...
And those that charge for it later
One way costs you a fortune
The other costs you the lot. Your money your kids your house and care and worst of all your dignity and mental well being
Literally everything....
 
Theres 2 kinds of women
Those that charge for sex upfront...
And those that charge for it later
One way costs you a fortune
The other costs you the lot. Your money your kids your house and care and worst of all your dignity and mental well being
Literally everything..


PS
Bushkeeper,
You would be surprised HOW MANY WOMEN WALK AWAY FROM MARRIAGE AND LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP, LITERALLY WITH NOTHING. When woman smart enough, to close that door, say nothing, and go away. And so often, its man who clings on decollate, trying to extort as much as they can out of woman, (whether it's $$$ or emotions) till last hope lost...
 
Last edited:
The best relationships happen naturally and when you least expect.. when you stop looking and caring thats when people come along... I find with past experiences that sometimes the fear of losing someone (although is a natural feeling) can actually push them away if you become to dependent on someone for happiness you lose happiness anyway.. just let everything be natural in life and enjoy your own company cause at the end of the day your all you have so you need to take care off yourself first... but I also believe in the law of attraction.. one should never doubt them self or what they deserve and others wont either... everyone is special in their own way and there is always someone for everyone... loving yourself is the hardest but once you love yourself and learn who you are everything else falls together! ...so single or not happiness is in yourself!
Xx MM
 
Just something that came to mind which I'd like to ask the working ladies that enjoy being single. I was wondering if you'd still enjoy it if you weren't working in a job that has lots of physical contact? Or if you worked in another industry and did stay single, how you'd satisfy your regular needs for intimacy?

Being single for me is a very new experience and involves no physical contact with anyone - not even a hug so W/L's have saved my sanity many times over the last few months - thankyou! So as far as I can see there are three options open to me, a regular relationship, a FWB or W/L's and if I want to stay single yet have some regular and financially sustainable intimacy, I guess it really comes down to FWB's. I've been in relationships of some sort since I was 11 so the whole being single thing is a totally new experience for me. Would be interested in your thoughts on this?
 
Good question Dallas...but to be honest I'm not sure whether my response will really answer the question...
My life would be very different if I wasn't a working lady. To be honest I'm not even sure where I'd be or what I'd be doing. Probably still stuck in a rut in a dead end job, miserable, financially up the creek and hating myself and my life. Could I make myself and someone else happy in the situation? Well...I'll leave you to answer that one. I think you have more experience in long term relationships than I do. I was extremely restless and was single for nearly a year before I starting working full time, and had no real intention to find myself a boyfriend. I did however have a brief but intense relationship in my first year as a full time working lady that in hindsight was a good experience, because I learned from it (though it took a while to sink in) but I'm not prepared to do that again. I think perhaps I would have settled for a few short term flings or fuck buddies if I needed to intimacy, because I have done that before, so I suppose that's how I'd settle my needs for intimacy. But I am very comfortable being alone - I rarely get lonely. I'm not sure whether that's good or not, it just is. I hope I've helped! :)

xoxo
Topaz
 
Thanks Topaz! yes very helpful and insightful. I guess it's not that I'm not comfortable being alone, it's just that I am more comfortable being with the right person in any capacity. Having said that, the pain and emotional suffering from a failed long term relationship is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.
 
A chronic monogamist are you? :)
Some people are more comfortable being in a partnership. And I understand that. I don't think it's really human nature to be alone all the time...it's a bit like being part of a pack I suppose. But there's a flip side to both being single and being partnered. But I do agree about the emotional pain...I think that can affect people in different ways for a very long time - sometimes without them even realising it. Which, to put it succinctly, suck ass :(

xoxo
Topaz
 
Vivien, a wise man once told me that relationships are all about what we are prepared to settle for. I wanted to punch him in the face because he was supposed to be a wise man and that to me sounded so lame and pathetic. I argued against it and challenged this thought from every angle... Basically, I made it my personal mission to prove him wrong.. Relationships HAVE to boil down to more than that, surely??? But, the more thought and reflection I gave his statement, the more I found myself agreeing with it. I believe that relationships are about what we are prepared to settle for. I guess it all depends where you place the bar as to what you are prepared to settle for... Like you, I am prepared to settle for fire-works, the thrill of falling in love, and the sustained joy of remaining so... x x x
 
My thoughts vaguely on the subject...

You know, it depends on how you define being single. For me, I can never be celibate. But fucking isn't a relationship. Relationships are equal parts of physical intimacy and emotional intimacy, with a bucket load of commitment. Aside from that, sex is just sex, perhaps with small parts of emotional connection, but not true intimacy. Whether that sex is paid of unpaid, it's still just sex.

I need sex - but I don't need a guy. Whether that sex comes from masturbation, fuck buddies, clients, a journey in my imagination, one of my colourful dreams, a guy I date for a while, porn, whatever, I always need sex. But do I need a guy right now, where I am in my life? No, not really.

What I need is to establish who I am as a human being, establish myself financially, get myself set up for a wonderful life, and healed emotionally from damage in my past. Then, perhaps in 5-10 years, I will have a decent chance of being a part of a successful relationship. Being a working lady is a key part of me setting myself up for this future, and I'm proud of what I do.

xx P
 
Dallas said:
Just something that came to mind which I'd like to ask the working ladies that enjoy being single. I was wondering if you'd still enjoy it if you weren't working in a job that has lots of physical contact? Or if you worked in another industry and did stay single, how you'd satisfy your regular needs for intimacy?
Would be interested in your thoughts on this?
Click to expand...

PS

When i wasn't working on this job i still had OPEN relationship with man, without any commitments. I never had any problems to meet people. Because sex is important to me, ( wonder i choose this job?-)) usually we would have an agreement. Call each other pure for sex purposes, usually it would be 2-3 times a week, but no conversations about relationships, marriage and kids. Sometimes, after a year or so, when i start to feel pressured ( usually suggested by men, lets make it exclusive...I like you, you like me, etc...) I would walk away from it and start all over again..-)
Dallas, as for you...Wounds is still fresh, but time will heal it. Its just a matter of time. And working girls, great remedy for a time being..-))) Later on in your life you would look back and laugh about what you worried about now...-)) Most important after this, not to become women hater....I really don't like when people after break ups go.."Oh, they all (women and men) the same..." Because you got unlucky ones it doesn't mean we all, hard core bitc...s))
 
Last edited:
Armada said:
PS


Dallas, as for you...Wounds is still fresh, but time will heal it. Its just a matter of time. And working girls, great remedy for a time being..-))) Later on in your life you would look back and laugh about what you worried about now...-)) Most important after this, not to become women hater....I really don't like when people after break ups go.."Oh, they all (women and men) the same..." Because you got unlucky ones it doesn't mean we all, hard core bitc...s))
Click to expand...

Thanks for the advice Armada! always appreciate your wisdom! my ex is a great person, we split on amicable terms, it just wasn't my choice to split that's all but I respect that. The upside is that if it' hadn't happened I wouldn't have met all you great ladies, so no I definitely don't hate her or anyone or hold any kind of grudge or animosity, I see too much good in everyone for that, even my ex :)
 
Dallas said:
my ex is a great person
Click to expand...

No she's not Mr Dallas. You're way better than her in every way shape and form and she is undeserving of a relationship with you.

Now you shag whoever you like when you like... It's a no brainer really
 
colzilla said:
No she's not Mr Dallas. You're way better than her in every way shape and form and she is undeserving of a relationship with you.

Now you shag whoever you like when you like... It's a no brainer really
Click to expand...

Ok, she's a great person who decided to dump me on our 20th wedding anniversary... you can still be ok after doing that, right?
 
Nope!... Mr D I reckon you should have been pumping hookers way before she decided to "I need a change" etc.
 
Well I just feel dumb because I didn't see the writing on the wall. In hindsight it ended 5 years ago, I guess I was just trying too hard to make it work. Better late than never I guess!
 
5 years worth of nice lady visits at my current rate would have coste a couple of houses so its not all bad :)
 
1 x $160-200 x 30 minute punt once a week while you work on ways to ditch her.
 
Well I'd never have gone near w/l's while I was still in a relationship as for better or worse I'm loyal and would never cheat even if my partner isn't.
 
Ahoy Bro Dallas;- Yeeeeeee have changed your lifestyle, well done, I know Weeeee all here encourage you, but, you wished change and have achieved change. Well done Bro. Look towards the horizon and seek new adventures, good luck and all the best;- Ohhhhh when Weeee meet the first Rum on You.
Cheers lads and Pass the Rum

Dallas said:
Well I'd never have gone near w/l's while I was still in a relationship as for better or worse I'm loyal and would never cheat even if my partner isn't.
Click to expand...
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top