Wow well this has definitely been an interesting read. My turn to put my two cents in I guess!
Well, I can honestly say I love being single. The last relationship I had was pretty intense too quickly, and I've definitely learnt from it and taken a step back. I find that I become too compromising and eager to please when I'm in a relationship - I start to lose myself, and therefore change what the other person likes about me and what I like about myself. I'm a very independent person, and when there's someone else I need to consult on decisions, I find that I lose too much of that independence - and that's not their fault, it's mine. I think I know myself better now so things would be different, but I like my life right now, and I don't want anyone to complicate that. I have certain goals that I want to achieve and having to share that with someone else would just not fit right now. Will I ever have another relationship? Maybe, but unlikely. I'm lucky enough right now to get everything I need from my work. And when on the odd occasion I need a hug or a cuddle I suck it up and move on. Or I ask one of my friends for a proper hug
They'll usually oblige. It's not quite the same, but for me, right now, it suits just fine. If that changes, perhaps I'll look for someone, but I'm not sure I can really imagine myself with anybody. I don't want kids or a white picket fence, so I don't see the point in marriage for me. The only thing I miss is the intimacy, because I get the sex from work.
Now the sex - looking back on the last few relationships I've had - and they've not been long term like alot of your marriages - I've initiated most of the sex. Even before I was a working girl...and I don't remember ever saying no or making a lame excuse like I have a headache. If my partner went to the trouble of initiating, I always responded...but I was usually the one to start...and I've never had a huge sex drive (though its alot higher now than it used to be - not sure if that's because I'm more comfortable with myself or because of the job). When I had a partner, sex was usually about pleasing them and feeling close and intimate. It wasn't about me, it was usually about them. Perhaps that's why I could never completely relax with anyone and why my relationships never lasted particularly long...think my longest was a year and that was some time ago. I've always enjoyed sex, because I fed off my partner, but my first orgasm wasn't until I was with 25 and the first time I ever came with another person was with a client. Now that I know myself and my body better, I can relax and enjoy more, but I think it can take women ALOT longer to learn what they like and even longer to express that. We can be a very self and body conscious lot. And until we learn to be comfortable in our own skin, no amount of "Your beautifuls" is going to work. I don't believe that's something a partner can influence, every person needs to learn to accept themselves. With all the images of perfection out there, we're most critical of ourselves.
So as to whether you should be a punter, give up on relationships or just go without - it's really entirely up to you. Every person has different experiences and will change moods all the time. Even hard core punters have had shit experiences and I'm sure must have thought "Will I ever do that again?" And everyone comes or cums
for a different reason. Whether its sex, intimacy, company, a joke, to fill the time, to have a drink, share a laugh, peer pressure...whatever the myriad reasons, the thing you have to remember is at the end of the day even with peer pressure, it YOUR choice. And that choice or decision can and will change daily. Some days you may feel you don't want to see a working lady ever again, others you might want 2 or 3 or more. Some days you may feel that you really want another relationship and you're sick of being single - others that you love being a bachelor or bachelorette. I think that sometimes we forget that feelings and wants and some needs, are not static. We're human and we change our minds (yes even men) all the time. So just remember there's no right or wrong answer to being single or being partnered. Whatever is "right" should be right for YOU in the situation or place that YOU are in, not someone else.
Phew! That was a long post, and as it's 7am on a Sunday morning (Saturday night for me), I hope it makes sense! All the best peeps
xoxo
Topaz
