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To stay single or not..

T

Thatguy

I'm curious for peeps opinions.. In the why do you punt thread there's been lots of talk of lonely being the reason for a few people, including me, and it got me thinking...

At what stage in life do you make the decision to just stay a bachelor and be a punter for that kind of company, or do you keep hoping one day to meet that special someone...

Now I've been single a while, met a lady last year I saw for a bit but didn't work out. I find friendships drift away so don't really let people close anymore, just seems easier that way, met a friend a couple years got and we got close, and she became my Bestie for a while, but now she's gone too... So it got me thinking, is it time to forget about a relationship, find enjoyment in what I have got.. And just be a bachelor for life?...

Thoughts? Opinions?...
 
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C

Contrarian

I don't think you can necessarily decide in any ONE instant you're going to be a bachelor, thrice married man or whatever. Neither do I believe in the "if it happens, it happens" bullshit either. There are so many variables here and if you asked everyone you'd have enough to fill ALL volumes of Encyclopaedia Britannica twice over and then some.

In the East, people love the ones they marry - largely arranged marriages. In the West, people marry the ones they love. I do know that in the East many marriages work out - NOT because one spouse suffers in silence as is popularly believed but because both people know that they're in this whether they like it or not, arranged or otherwise and WE BOTH work at making a go of this. I'm amazed at the number of women in the west who drop men for the flimsiest of reasons - he was short, there was no chemistry blah blah blah. Meh!!

I've tried online dating before and it's a joke. You go online 3 years later and many of the same women are there. Surely ALL those blokes in cyberspace can't have something wrong with them can they ladies?

Loneliness is terrible but so is being in a lousy relationship - and both parties need to WORK on it. It shouldn't be HARD work but it's something you work AT ALL YOUR FUCKING MARRIED LIFE! In Subiaco, I see lots of married older women and the strain shows on their faces but they have all the trimmings - the Mercedes 4wd car, kids in the best schools etc but you can SENSE their unhappiness but it was the done thing back in the 70s. You landed a nice man, spread your legs and became a baby factory and got the Subi house with the white picket fence. And you pretend hubby's not bonking the chick at the brothel in the next suburb.

The point is that it sucks being lonely - I know I'm there. But I've lost count of the number of married couples I've seen arguing which begs me to ask - are they really happy or is their life that much better than mine?

So, don't decide that you're a bachelor for life - but certainly don't ascribe to the school of thought that being a punter is financially great either - because it doesn't make up for the love and intimacy at we all need at the end of the day. To put it crudely, don't confuse FUCKING with love, companionship and intimacy. Good luck and good fuck!
 
BigMike

BigMike

Gold Member
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I very much agree with Contrarian here - "Loneliness is terrible but so is being in a lousy relationship"
Actually, I'd argue it's even worse.

I'm single. Have been for quite a while and have no plans to change. A girl in work recently inquired if I was seeing anyone and I said nope. She said - Aw. Don't worry. You've still got time.
Time? Time for what? For the record I'm 27. When exactly does my time run out? 28? 29? 50?
All of my friends are in long term relationships and I don't envy them at all.

Funny thing is I think I'd really struggle if tomorrow I woke up and decided enough is enough and tried to find someone. Womens standards seem extremely high to me. It's tough for a dude that just... works. Works at a normal job and makes enough money to get by on his own and not much else.
 
Zane_1

Zane_1

Gold Member
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I can't see that I've move out of being single for a while. Like Contrarian says above, one should never say never ... about _anything_ in relation to the future, but right now, I'm a pretty happy little bugger.

Fourth year post divorce here. When the marriage was good it was really really good, but when it stopped being good it was pretty bad. By the time I saw my first WL I hadn't had good sex for about 5 years and it was eating me alive. Many people can't understand this, but when you're a sexual/physical personality its akin to not getting enough air or food.

Now a happy punter since December 2012 lots of positive things have changed in my life ... in fact, I can't think of the last bad thing that occurred ... or perhaps I just couldn't care less. Mid forties now and I'm having the life I _should_ have had when I was 20, but was too anal retentive then to realise it :)

What I'm leading to is that I can't see a time in the near term where I'd want to significantly change the life I'm leading now. The money I earn is mine and I blow it all hehehe, mostly on the girls ... they love it ... I love it :) Win win!
 
Dallas

Dallas

Legend Member
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As much as I love relationships, I'm having a lot of trouble finding someone that I'd want to have a relationship with let alone want to give up w/l's as they set the standard so high in every respect.

Plus the ability to have sex when I want to rather than when I'm told I can or even if I can is incredibly liberating and I'm not sure I'm ready to give that up just yet.
 
homer

homer

Doh!
Legend Member
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The green grass you see at the other side of the fence, just remember that you are the one who has the mow it, fertilize it, and when brown patches develop, you have to deal with it. Better to stay on the single side of the fence. lol
 
HappyPirate

HappyPirate

Old Pirate...
Legend Member
Points
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Ahoy;- Ohhhh Eye Col, Dallas has traveled a long road and now look at him, he is a shiny star amougest us.
Arrrrrrrr relationships, let`s see now. There Meeeeee squeaky evil companion off mine and there Meeeee bottle of Rum and where ever I sail I find a wench in each port. Eyeeeeeeeee soooooo who the HappyPirate then????????????
Cheers lads and Pass the Rum

colzilla said:
You sound like a full on punter now Mr Dallas.

Good to be the King isn't?
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T

Thatguy

Dallas said:
As much as I love relationships, I'm having a lot of trouble finding someone that I'd want to have a relationship with let alone want to give up w/l's as they set the standard so high in every respect.

Plus the ability to have sex when I want to rather than when I'm told I can or even if I can is incredibly liberating and I'm not sure I'm ready to give that up just yet.
Click to expand...

100% agree with all of this...
 
Dallas

Dallas

Legend Member
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Contrarian said:
Never thought I'd say this given this website's context but guys.... sex is NOT the be all and end all. In fact, it's a very teeny weeny meeny part of a relationship. Really it is in the bigger picture of things.
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Yes, I totally agree. However, when you've been denied it for years, had to beg for it never knowing if you'll get it from one month to the next, one year to the next, then suddenly be able to have it from an expert whenever you need it and in mind blowing proportions, it becomes disproportionately appealing. I expect that over time my need for sex with respect to other relationship needs will find a more appropriate balance. But until then, I'm making up for years of a dysfunctional relationship and it's freakin' awesome! :)
 
C

Contrarian

Dallas said:
Yes, I totally agree. However, when you've been denied it for years, had to beg for it never knowing if you'll get it from one month to the next, one year to the next, then suddenly be able to have it from an expert whenever you need it and in mind blowing proportions, it becomes disproportionately appealing. I expect that over time my need for sex with respect to other relationship needs will find a more appropriate balance. But until then, I'm making up for years of a dysfunctional relationship and it's freakin' awesome! :)
Click to expand...

Interesting outlook Dallas and I can appreciate where you're coming from; which makes me think. What would you do or anyone else do if they didn't have the money to pursue such carnal pleasures?
 
Zane_1

Zane_1

Gold Member
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Dallas said:
Yes, I totally agree. However, when you've been denied it for years, had to beg for it never knowing if you'll get it from one month to the next, one year to the next, then suddenly be able to have it from an expert whenever you need it and in mind blowing proportions, it becomes disproportionately appealing. I expect that over time my need for sex with respect to other relationship needs will find a more appropriate balance. But until then, I'm making up for years of a dysfunctional relationship and it's freakin' awesome! :)
Click to expand...

Bingo mate! 100% were I am. I got sick of begging for sex when I was married, and make no mistake, it was _begging_.

Like you, I have a small idea in the back of my mind that things will balance over time and I'll perhaps start looking at and appreciating some of the good relationship type stuff that one can't obtain from platonic friends. Right now though its hard to see when or even _if_ that will ever happen.

Freedom is a powerful drug and I'm fully addicted right now.

I form great relationships, of the appropriate type, with my favourite WL's and I really enjoy seeing them and not just for the promise of getting laid either. They are friendly, interesting and usually _powerful_ women.
 
Dallas

Dallas

Legend Member
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Contrarian said:
Interesting outlook Dallas and I can appreciate where you're coming from; which makes me think. What would you do or anyone else do if they didn't have the money to pursue such carnal pleasures?
Click to expand...

Good point, probably go insane I'd expect. I've just decided that since my divorce I'd take my retirement early rather than wait another 20 years.

However, in support of your earlier statement, I probably should point out that, when I do visit Langtrees for a week, sex does actually only make up a small percentage of that time. For me the greatest enjoyment I get is just the time I spend with the lady in question in what ever way it turns out, I never have any pre-conceived notions of what may transpire - even with a regular. Some visits I think sex and it's kisses and cuddles, and another visit I think massage and it's crazy sex, it's all about having fun and being sensitive to each others needs.

Zane_1 said:
I form great relationships, of the appropriate type, with my favourite WL's and I really enjoy seeing them and not just for the promise of getting laid either. They are friendly, interesting and usually _powerful_ women.
Click to expand...

Yes, totally agree! All the women I've met have had the qualities you mention, plus more, I find these traits very attractive.
 
Zane_1

Zane_1

Gold Member
Points
0
Contrarian said:
Interesting outlook Dallas and I can appreciate where you're coming from; which makes me think. What would you do or anyone else do if they didn't have the money to pursue such carnal pleasures?
Click to expand...

I'd make more money :)

At this stage in life my fixed costs are under control. Disposable income gets fully utilised :) If that changed I'd pursue the required cash with significant vigour.

As Colzilla says ... "be at the mercy" of the regular 'dating pool' of ladies out there? Well ... I don't think so :)

If I ever get into a LTR again, and its not a given by any means, then the lady will have to be pretty darn special. I won't allow myself to be leveraged into such a position on the promise of something .... I get as much sex as I can handle right now, "what else you got"? hehehe.
 
C

colzilla

As a very long term punter, these days it's more about interaction than sex.

Personally I don't know how anyone does real relationships. Punting has always made sense to me.
 
sunyun

sunyun

Legend Member
Points
0
You guys have said it all !

Being married was great, then it went cold. Being single again is great.

Although I get sex whenever I am in town (and can afford it), it is still much more than the twice a year (if I was lucky), at the end of my marriage.

However, if someone came along who really sailed my boat, I would seriously consider a relationship again - but with this difference :

Now, I am no longer 19 years old, and have a good idea of what I am prepared to put up with, and what I would be asking a partner to put up with, and if it worked for both of us, and we were both well aware of each other's needs and unpleasant habits, then it could be a good thing.

But I would always have my bag almost packed !

Cheers.
 
P

Perth boy

Thatguy said:
I'm curious for peeps opinions.. In the why do you punt thread there's been lots of talk of lonely being the reason for a few people, including me, and it got me thinking...

At what stage in life do you make the decision to just stay a bachelor and be a punter for that kind of company, or do you keep hoping one day to meet that special someone...

Now I've been single a while, met a lady last year I saw for a bit but didn't work out. I find friendships drift away so don't really let people close anymore, just seems easier that way, met a friend a couple years got and we got close, and she became my Bestie for a while, but now she's gone too... So it got me thinking, is it time to forget about a relationship, find enjoyment in what I have got.. And just be a bachelor for life?...

Thoughts? Opinions?...
Click to expand...

I know a few guys that live in Thailand and stay single. These gays are so bloody happy. They sit in the bar most days watching sport and chatting with locals and holiday people, Chat on the web, do what they want, go on reguallar motor bike road trips, eat great food, pay almost nothing for rent and live off about $500 a week with a few differant girls each week. I know one guy that has a house in Sydney he gets $650 a week rent for and lives in Northern Thailand like a king off his rent.

Now thats a life I could live if I didnt have comitments in Perth but each to thire own.
 
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