OK folks,
So what was your weirdest punt of all time? The one that had you shaking your head and wondering what just happened.
Mine was quite a number of years ago; a business trip to Beijing. Had heard on good authority that one could get a good massage in the health club in the basement of the hotel I was staying at in Chaoyangmen. So off I goes to said club to request said services. Male or Female asks the receptionist? Er... female preferably says I. OK but massage first OK? OK. All arranged. Must keep up appareances especially in certain strict countries. I'm directed into the change rooms where I'm greeted by the first massuer (a huge bloke who could fill in for at least two of the three front row rugby positions) and his (somewhat skinny) assistant. I'm assigned a locker and asked to change, which I do being watched the whole time by both of them.... well ok then. He and his assitant then proceed to watch me strip to the birthday suit and put my stuff in my locker. Very .... different. I grab a towel to protect my modesty, and am directed to the massage room and lie down with towel in over the butt.
Whip! Off comes the towel! Apparently "not required"... OK.. feeling somewhat... vulnerable... towel disappears with the assistant... Hmm..
There begins a massage that would make King Kong tear up - this guy had thumbs like iron. About 20 mins in, and after numerous requests to leave at least some muscle attached to bone, he leans down and asks "Salt?"
Er..what?! I look up to see him holding a bottle of sea salt, clearly for some kind of exfoliating scrub. Er... OK go for it. Big mistake; being scrubbed with sea salt by a 300 pound gorilla is like being flayed - more like skin removal than exfoliation!
I'm then asked to turn over. I ask for some kind of towel to cover up. Mr Gorilla looks at me strangely again and brings one back - a face washer!
Well thanks mate - that will go far!
So I'm lying there with a tiny face washer covering my modesty and having my skin removed with sea salt. Then the experience gets even worse.
Mr Gorilla reaches down, grabs my scrote, slaps some salt on my taint and make like he's going to exfoliate! I sit bolt upright with "Fark! ah OK that will do - I think we're finished yeah?" He shrugs and hands me a towel to move to room two. By this time I'm feeling more than a little .... violated... not to mention salty. Luckily in room two is a lovely lady who tells me she's from Yunnan and happily tries to make me forget the previous 30 minutes... to no avail. I stumble back to my room, skin red raw and feeling like a freshly pickle herring, to sit and stare at the curtains, thinking perhaps I should be sitting in the shower listening to the theme song from the Crying Game.
To this day I am still haunted by the memory of a huge face inches from mine asking "SALT?"