Falling in love with a sex worker?

[Hugh Jorn]

Hi All,

I just want to raise the question, can someone really fall in love with a sex worker? (Please don't take offence by the comment, just read on.)

I guess there are 2 questions. 1. Is it really love or just the fact you have found some one that is good to be with and have sex with because they have experience pampering, which we all need.
and 2. the original question "Can you fall in love with a sex worker?"

I have known people that have claimed to do so, but I thought I would ask this forum about your job causing problems with your relationships. I also read Biancas post that she fell for a customer but now misses the sex and wants to get back in to it. (Please dont take offence Bianca, I have read and understand your love and your needs and this is no way pointed at you, I am just trying to understand, I have a friend that is a sex worker she says if she gets into a relationship she will give up working) .

Please everyone dont get me wrong, that I think you might be different to any other girl, but you do have a job that is also a critical part of a relationship. I know you look for love the same way I do.. But does your job change your perception at all? is what I am trying to understand. I guess you guys understand a lot more than the average person.

I hope I have explain my question clearly, but like a typical man I probably put my foot in it, talking about a private thing that likes to be kept separate... Maybe this is the answer but will it work?

Thank you
Hugh

 

[The Ruler]

A brilliant question, and no, I do not think you have put your foot in it.

Note, when reading my reply, that I am a man. If you go to my profile and look up some of my previous posts you will get a fair idea as to what I am about. That might help you to context this reply.

Most women, like most men, seek love. They seek to spend time with that "someone" special. They want to laugh, to cry, to be elated, to be cared for, to be nurtured, to share, to care about their partner, to be stimulated (mentally and physically) and to enjoy sharing their life and all the special moments within it.

Problems start when we all (both clients and workers) seek this love from the wrong source. Most people let there emotions get carried away with them and make decisions which they regret in hindsight.

Clients seek the services of working ladies for a variety of different reasons. For some it is simple loneliness or the situation they find themselves in, for others it is a failure of their chosen life partner to provide sufficient physical pleasures, and for a few it is even that they have chosen not to share their life with a special someone else. Whatever the reason the client is seeking a physical pleasure in return for money along with annomynity and if they are honest at a superficial level.

Many young women grow up dreaming of becoming a nurse, a teacher or an airline hostess. Virtually no young women grow up dreaming of becoming a sex worker one day. Sex workers join the profession for a variety of reasons but for many it is to provide for children as a sole parent, to fund education and lifestyle where no other means prevail, or in an increasing number, sadly, to fund some sort of addiction (often various drugs).

Some very good long term partnerships do develop out of adversity and thrive from the situations described above. The reality however is that "Pretty Woman" is just a film and such lovely stories rarely eventuate.

Usually, the mixing of "personal" and "work" leads to distress for both worker and client. I personally will not deal with workers who I have seen "professionally" outside of work. Although I have not been asked for my opionion I believe that most workers should not strive to enter into relationships with clients for their own best interests.

The Ruler

 

[Bianca]

Not an 'easy' profession to leave...

Hi All,

I just want to raise the question, can someone really fall in love with a sex worker? (Please don't take offence by the comment, just read on.)

I guess there are 2 questions. 1. Is it really love or just the fact you have found some one that is good to be with and have sex with because they have experience pampering, which we all need.
and 2. the original question "Can you fall in love with a sex worker?"

I have known people that have claimed to do so, but I thought I would ask this forum about your job causing problems with your relationships. I also read Biancas post that she fell for a customer but now misses the sex and wants to get back in to it. (Please dont take offence Bianca, I have read and understand your love and your needs and this is no way pointed at you, I am just trying to understand, I have a friend that is a sex worker she says if she gets into a relationship she will give up working) .

Please everyone dont get me wrong, that I think you might be different to any other girl, but you do have a job that is also a critical part of a relationship. I know you look for love the same way I do.. But does your job change your perception at all? is what I am trying to understand. I guess you guys understand a lot more than the average person.

I hope I have explain my question clearly, but like a typical man I probably put my foot in it, talking about a private thing that likes to be kept separate... Maybe this is the answer but will it work?

Thank you
Hugh

Hello Hugh, certainly no offence taken by me... Yes I was a 'part-time' sex worker, originally out of necessity, and yes, I did 'fall-in-love' with a client and Yes, I did offer to 'Quit' for the love of the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with... But it is a very hard Industry to turn your back on once you have experienced the 'Joys' of being a 'Working Girl'. I can honestly say that I am closer to my man, when 'working' than when not!!! I can't explain how or why, bit I just 'am'. What my man taught me to realise was the difference between 'Love' and 'Sex' and the difference between 'making love' and 'having sex'... I now know there is a difference and it is my man and my man alone that I 'love' and with whom I 'make love' ... 'having sex' is something, now totally different, and when I am 'working' I am 'having sex', not making love... Hope that makes sense.... Bianca xx

 

[Mary Anne PA]

I think that we all come into contact with people in life, it is up to us to be disciplined enough to let things go or carry them on. A working girl in my opinion is no different to anyone else in a service industry, Hairdresser, lawyer ,gardener ect. We all choose to be professional , sex services are intimate it is easy i suppose for some males to tell the difference between a service and love.I suppose lets say you pay for the hour thats what you get, the sex worker is providing a service if you fall in love with her , she must be doing her job well. Of course when two people click and sometimes they do it is chemistry you just cant stop it no matter what you do or feel.

 

[Hugh Jorn]

I guess Bianca, what you are saying is like the Thai people and their heart.
They can give body without giving heart, but if they give heart it is totally different.

Thanks

 

[byndie]

If you fall in love with a sex worker while there on the job, be it male or female, you just (may) be falling in love with the stage name not the ''real person"!.

 

[chrissie]

If you fall in love with a sex worker while there on the job, be it male or female, you just (may) be falling in love with the stage name not the ''real person"!.

Well said I have clients who have 'known' me for three years, since I started in this industry, but what do they really 'know' of me? Every time they have seen me I've been provocatively dressed, fully made up, happy and smiling and glad to see them. They don't see me when I'm grumpy, or stressed, or pms'ing, they don't see me when I'm in full-on mother mode, or first thing in the morning. Whilst the part of me they do know is genuine, it's a very small part of who I am.

Chrissie

 

[gemma]

I second that, Chrissie...

I've worked in the sex industry in one form or another for several years, it's funded study and supported my family and for my experiences, both positive and negative, I'm grateful. I've always maintained an adamant no-go attitude regarding dating clients, no matter how much chemistry is happening between you in that room. I always saw other girls date clients and it usually ended in tears.. some guys were facinated with the idea of dating a w/g, but when she wouldn't or could'nt stop working, they couldn't handle it or of course, she stops work, then when it all goes pear-shaped she regrets the time she could have spent supporting herself. A few times friends have met someone, fallen head over heels and it's ended beautifully, usually with her choosing to stop work... i've found those friends were grounded people and honest about their expectations. So it can work - does it really matter where you meet someone? Having said that, I met my soulmate and friend at work, which was and is just wonderful. I've found that when you are totally given to someone special, you're not in the headspace to be with other people... and that's where your level of professionalism and single-mindedness comes in. So maybe there can be happy-ever-after stories with workplace romances?

 

[DDxxx]

and they lived happily ever after......

I know what you say, Gemma, & yes I can say that I have seen a couple of girls that have had the Pretty Girl thing happen to them. In the ten years I have been in the industry, I can say truthfully of only one girl who I know personally who has met & lived with a nice guy - and only in the last 6 months, given him a baby boy - who is brother to another son she has (and this guy embraced her son totally as well!!! )

So like you Gem, there are happy ever after stories!!!

 

[FordFiend]

I agree

hey all... Yes I certainly agree..no matter what your occupation is, there is always a chance that the service you provide to a customer may just kickstart something else.

And I believe that whether you work as a butcher, waitress, w/girl, skimpie, exotic dancer, receptionist or one of the thousands of occupations, you might just happen to find someone special, and if you do..then all the best and I hope it works out, but if it doesn't it's just another one of lifes many setbacks that majority of us learn to get over.

As a former exotic dancer, I dressed in next to nothing, winked and licked my lips at the customers who were there to explore me with their eyes, spread my legs and what not, whilst smiling the whole time. But when I wasn't at work, I certainly didn't wink and lick my lips at everybody that walked past me, nor did I flash my goodies to every Tom, Dick and Harry.....

So I agree with you Chrissie, the service we provide no matter what our occupation is, makes up only a small amount of who we are, I mean the general rule is to give the customer what they want, isn't it?

Fordfiends gf

 

[Bluegrass9]

I have known of men who have visited a sex worker and after a number of visits have fallen in love with them and married them.

I have visited sex workers who have left because they are to marry one of her clients.

So the questions are: Does a sex worker have to make a big effort not to fall in love with their client?

Although I believe one does not go to a sex worker to fall in love but has anyone fallen in love with a sex worker?

Is their a fine line between love and lust?

Fell free to comment as you please. Thank you.
:walk:

 

[Sir Stefan]

Very complex question Bluegrass and one with so many varied answers.

I have 'fallen in love' with more than one sex worker... tho I never 'visited' any of them 'in-house'... as each came to visit me in my home.

Two of them moved in and lived with me in a defacto relationship... another was already in a relationship with a man...so she simply became my lover.

One of them is now married and no longer in the Industry, another has left the industry and has 3 young children and the 3rd I have no idea where or what she is doing.

There are several levels of affection.... which we may define as 'love'... but which may be lust or infatuation... or perhaps 'true' love?

I 'love' my Sister... but that does not infer that i go to bed with her.

One may 'love' his dog or his car, or his job...but that does not infer he has sex with them!

Then you can love a woamn or you can be in love with a woman... and there is a difference.... I was married once and I loved my Wife... but at the same time I was 'in love with' my Mistress.

 

[NeilAlden]

If we view this from a slightly different perspective, do people fall in love at work? I have seen it over and over again. Two young people working together closely, either as coworkers or in a service-provider situation, and after a while they are going out together, and later they get married. So it happens wherever people have to come together and get to know each other.

For me, when I have been in a stable secure loving relationship, I have not felt the need for "falling in love", and didn't have that feeling even when working closely with some very (and I mean very) attractive women. But when I haven't been in a relationship or my relationship fell apart (not very often mind you), the falling in love has happened to me again.

 

[Miranda Fox]

Bluegrass,
Sex workers are Not supposed to "fall in love" with their clients.
Most clients see escorts, one reason, because they do not want a relationship.

One example from neilalden....
I have seen a couple....they told me that they met through work.
He has cerebral palsy and his partner was his carer. After months and months of caring for him, they fell in love.

 

[Bluegrass9]

Miranda, I agree what you say but it still does happen.

Of course it would be not very smart to go to a sex worker because you want a relationship. As you have mention one goes there because they do not want a relationship. The sex worker does not want one too.

I wonder how often a client becomes a problem because they fall in love with the sex worker who is just trying to do her job?

I have known sex workers who are lesbian and do not enjoy sex with a male but put up with it for the money.

Alas my uncle believed the escorts who visited him loved him but they only really loved his money. There are some people who will say they love you but do not.
:walk:

 

[NeilAlden]

Ahh Bluegrass you are right in a way. When my marriage fell apart I saw a number of ladies. I didn't fall in love with all of them, sometimes the sex is just that...SEX. But when you see people, no matter where, there are always those few that you click with, and so it was with a couple of the sex workers I saw. But as I started to get to know more about them outside the client-sex worker setting it became clearer that they weren't who I originally thought they were, and we went out separate ways. I have come to learn that the sex worker environment (just like dances, and night clubs etc) is actually not the best way to know what a person is "really" like.

 

[Manonfire78]

I think you should never go into a place thinking you will get to know the real person in there. It is easy to fall in love for anyone I think it all depends on your attitude towards the working girls and how you view the situation and if you can seperate reality from fantasy.

 

[billybones]

This question is for both for the client and the operator...

Sure the sex is paid for and this makes it the same as a business transation but could you ever become good friends with the person you are seeing.
I.E could you ever go to see to a movie or just downtown shopping together??? Maybe even fall in love... (unusual circumstances to meet I know)
Or does it only ever remain a business meeting?? ccasion14

 

[TheGuy]

I think i could be frinds with WL, i used to drive a cab when i was uni and i spoken to lot of WL and most of them were cool people. Relationship would be a no.

 

[rarner]

I was friends with a WL overseas. Her sister was a WL, too. Some of the things they put up with are unreal. They were both awesome fun. Apart from the druggies, their WL friends were awesome fun, too.

My first instinct was to say that WLs are human beings first and WLs second, so what is so unusual about befriending a WL? It is unusual, though, to begin a friendship after exchanging currency for sex.

billybones, is this a real question or are you giving voice to a fantasy?

 

[billybones]

It is a real question and like yourself I have made good friends with a couple of the ladies I have met overseas... Always been made to feel welcome on my return visit even if not for sex.

Sometimes the feelings are whole lot better if you know your not just being used for your cash.

 

[SimpleSimon]

I've never been overseas so can't comment but here in Australia I would say it's not all that likely. The girls like to keep themselves detached from the clients in my experience work is work and all that. It may be different for the girls who work private from home I've only really seen girls in brothels.

If you treat them right and not like a blow up doll that will do everything your girlfriend never does then like rarner said they are people too so I guess it is possible

 

[1moretime]

I think I've fallen in love with a RnT WL before, and tried lamely to pretend that she was just a normal girl who might feel the same way. Trying really hard to ignore the fact that 10 minutes after I left she was probably giving another guy a happy ending. (And I was seeing other casual hookups like the hypocrite I am).

She dropped hints a couple of times that she was really horny after she finished a shift, but didn't want a relationship with someone and was trying to find a FWB. Where the encounter was strictly sexual. But I never pushed the issue too much and definitely regret not asking the question.

It ends up being pretty masochistic to keep going back, so I walked away from seeing WLs completely for a while.

 

[Langtrees.com]

I am a WL in WA so here's my 2 cents.......
I am friends with most of my regulars, many times i will contact them when i am in their neighbourhood or invite them out for a drink. I find many of the such wonderful company for the opera and theater ect. As for a relationship with a client, i would consider it. For the right person i would also retire if they were uncomfortable with me continuing. My main reason for doing this job is because i enjoy it, the money comes way down the list. If your feeling rushed or used by your favourite girl, then it might be time to change.

Missy

 

[SimpleSimon]

Totally forgot when I posted earlier lol. I have dated 2 women that have worked in the industry neither of which I met through sex work. The first I met through a friend at a night club and the second I met through another friend & at the time we met girl number 2 wasn't working but went into it later and it near on drove me mad with jealously she did full service for nearly a year before switching to massage with everything but sex before quitting.

The funny thing is the first girl was working in the game when we met and I accepted that with all the emotion of being told she had a paper route even though we lived together and she worked from home etc etc it was never a problem for me.

I wouldn't want to go there again though twice was enough especially after the second time. It not a good experience making love to the women you love and thinking the whole time that she might be bored or thinking about some guy she saw that day at work who was better in bed than me. I hated it. We stayed together though and in total we had 9 years together before going our seperate ways and it wasn't even slightly to do with the sex work the reasons that we split.

 

[God'sWorker]

Yes frienships and/or personal relationships can and do occur with working Girls just like they do with other girls in society.

I can say this with conviction because I myself was once a working girl and forged many personal friendships with clients, even had love affairs with a few and fell madly in love with one. He was the reason I quit the Industry, but that proved to be one of my biggest mistakes of my life.

He threatened to end our relationship if I continued with my work, I was so blindly in love (well at least I thought it was love, at the time) that I could not imagine life without him, so I quit.

We were married and then he changed, he became controlling and violent, he used me and abused me, often giving me to his friends for a weekend, for them to use me anyway they wished, whilst he would go off to las vegas for a weekend of drinking, gambling and debauchery.

Eventually I found the courage to escape and made the Church my friend and protector.

 

[Scottie1975]

Im not sure this will suit this thread, but here goes.

I have fallen in love with a stripper, she told that she loved me and that I ment the world to her, as she did to me. I opened my heart to this woman and she used me and took me for all I'm worth. She always knew what to say and how to make me feel so very special, which is all anyone really wants. I guess I should have stopped and asked myself "what does this smart beautiful sexy woman see in me" but as I said she made me feel away I hadn't felt in many years.

Now I have become a little bitter, I refuse to let myself get into a sitution where I may get hurt, you can only take so much pain before you say to yourself NO MORE. So now it's palours for me, dont even go to strip clubs anymore simply to hard.

Cheers

Scottie

 

[Sonia5]

Hay,
yes i do have many friends i mean girlfriends and we do go for downtown shopping....





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[Curious1]

There is a Canadian lady at the Dolls house that im in love with
makes it even better that my wife is aswell
Just thought id share that lol

 

[ozwarlock67]

I've shared houses ( and bodies) with two WL's at different times. In a crazed irony, they were sisters.
The first one ended very badly and cost me thousands. She's dead
The second one was better, but she found god, thought Donald Trump was the greatest man alive and I got sick of her family who were total fuckups.

There were two others ( both well known in Adelaide) who I had absolute affiinity with and had we met in a different time and place......