Why do guys do this??

[amaryllidae]

Can anybody shed some light on my predicament?

I had a wonderful hook-up with an old, old boyfriend recently.

This was FIVE days ago. I haven't heard from him since. I sent him ONE email the next morning to say thanks for a great night, and ONE text during the day to wish him Happy Christmas, and... NOTHING!

What. The. F#$%?

Unless he's lying dead in a ditch somewhere, or out in the middle of the Nullabor with no mobile broadband, what is going on?? Did I just get used or do I actually suck in bed?

I would appreciate a guy's perspective on this issue. Thanks in advance!! x

 

[Bluegrass9]

Love is such a cruel creature!

Alas the trouble with men and yes I am one too is that sex and love are two different things. A man can have a beautiful sexual encounter and be willing to walk away and never do it again with that person.

Of course there are times when us men fall head over heels on a sexy lady and she does not feel or see nothing so we crawl away into the bushes and lick our wounds.

The trick is that both have the same feelings at the same time. Also of course if one does find something very special their whole life will be changed forever. Many these days are not willing to do this. Oh sometimes I believe romance has died and all we have left is the urge to release our pent up sexual urges.

Okay enough of my ramblings and I hope you can find something in it of some use.

I loved your blog and enjoyed it very much. I will go back again to it and read more. Yers keep writing as it was truly beautiful. Thank you.
:walk:

.

 

[amaryllidae]

Bluegrass - I'm sooo pleased you enjoyed reading my journal. I only write from my experiences. I can't make stuff up.

On the first topic, thankyou SO much for your perspective. I guess having been around the block more than a few times, I thought I could spot 'em a mile off. It was a bit of a shock to discover I'd been used. Forgotten how much that hurts! Bring on sex for money! None of this getting emotionally involved business!! LOL

 

[bushseeker]

Well hence my nick
if it was me it would be because I had taken off out bush in the 4by. In this weather probabally down the blackwood river area with the Kyac and no theres no email or phone reception.

the (few) women ive hooked up with know tring to contact me is no garantee of success

 

[Curious1]

or do I actually suck in bed?

If you need a second opinion, im happy to volunteer my service

Anyway, Have you tried calling him, going to his house etc???

Some guys are just pricks. Not much can be done about that....its life.

 

[Bluegrass9]

Amaryllidae Wow! Yes I have just read your other link "Suburban Deviant" and I am still overcome with excitement. I actually was shocked at one post that it was exciting me so much as I have never done it like that but after reading your post, to my shame wished I had.

Yes I love your writing and I truly hope you continue to do so. Yes you have certainly won me over as a fan.
:walk:

 

[amaryllidae]

Bluegrass9 - hahaha thanks!! Which post was it?? x

 

[amaryllidae]

@Curious1 - if you didn't live on the other side of the continent, I would most certainly take you up on that offer. x

 

[OZZICOK]

well mary i dont know the answer to that but im positive i would call you back after such a fantastic night if youd like to test that out get back to me babe

 

[Bluegrass9]

Maybe I could take Curious1 place because I live closer. I am sure Curious1 would not mind that all. *chuckle* Aything to help a mate out in his time of need.

Oh wait a minute there was someone else in this equation. Oh amaryllidae, opps sorry just had a brief blond moment.
:walk:

 

[happytimes]

Hi Amaryllidae, I didn't read your (story on past love) but read your thread.
You said he was an old old b/friend so do you know if he is in another relationship?
He may of told you no but could of been the case,just one theory.
I myself went with my last g/friend on Australia day 2005, at that time we hadn't been together for nearly 2 years.We had a great nite and the sex was always HOT.
I never went with her again but we were still really good friends. If you were to ask me why we never got it on again i really couldn't tell you.
She always wanted to get back together and we nearly did but unfortunately she passed away.
There was something i lost towards her, not sure when it was or why it happened,but it did.
When i couldn't work anymore we did become very close again, so i ask myself did i get to mixed up in my job to much, working long hours and when i came home i couldn't be bothered with anything, so did our relationship suffer from that?
I still ask myself the same question today and still can't pinpoint why.

I know this is a bit off track of what you are asking, but maybe he doesn't really know why he doesn't want to see you again. There is alot i left out but i was just giving you a general idea of something similar that happened to me.

 

[Curious1]

Maybe I could take Curious1 place because I live closer. I am sure Curious1 would not mind that all. *chuckle* Aything to help a mate out in his time of need.

Oh wait a minute there was someone else in this equation. Oh amaryllidae, opps sorry just had a brief blond moment.
:walk:

Awww shucks mate! *rubs Blue's head affectionately* I knew i could count on you to be my wingman!!!!

Amaryllidae, with an offer like that if i were even in the same country at the moment id book a flight!! lol

 

[Bluegrass9]

Yes Curious1 I agree with you.
Have you noticed the poor lady is still in shock over my post and has not been able to answer it. *chuckles* Alas yes I am a very wicked man.
:walk:

 

[timr84]

Sorry I can't help you there, that's inconsiderate.. it's guys like these that give the real gents a bad name!

 

[naughtyandnice]

I say you handled it very well. Any more than that and it starts to seem a little smothering. He knows you had a good time and if he wants to do it again he will call. Maybe he is just busy. I get that way sometimes and forget to return a call or text. Just lay back and act cool. It will all work out.

 

[handbasket]

Would be interesting to hear how this panned out in the end.

 

[PMA62]

Maybe nerves, maybe guilt (in another relationship?), maybe fear of bein intimate. Some of us guys just run from closeness, even though we want it

 

[Louise78]

Can anybody shed some light on my predicament?

I had a wonderful hook-up with an old, old boyfriend recently.

This was FIVE days ago. I haven't heard from him since. I sent him ONE email the next morning to say thanks for a great night, and ONE text during the day to wish him Happy Christmas, and... NOTHING!

What. The. F#$%?

Unless he's lying dead in a ditch somewhere, or out in the middle of the Nullabor with no mobile broadband, what is going on?? Did I just get used or do I actually suck in bed?

I would appreciate a guy's perspective on this issue. Thanks in advance!! x

I have this conversation with many of my girlfriends about "hook ups" with old boyfriends or new chaps. Regardless it is the same, a "hook up". No more, no less. I wouldn't try to analyze this in terms of him being a prick or what some women do, "What did I do wrong? or What could I have done differently?"

If it was wonderful, then keep that memory and don't muddle it with expectations that weren't there [I say this because you didn't express it in your original post]. Been there, done that, and disappointment abounded. After several of these experiences, I changed my attitude and set my rules for myself. If he doesn't ring me back within 5 days, it is done. No anger, no bitterness, just simply not interested. If he calls me after those 5 days, I just say sorry but although it was fantastic sex...I don't think so. Sometimes I go into knowing there is no tomorrow and I am upfront about it. It has been liberating and saves me all the heartbreak. If he doesn't call at all, I don't personalize it, I just let it go because it wasn't about me.

I have men tell me I sound like a man. It has worked for me and I have been much happier for it.

I hope this helped.

 

[Snoopcat]

Can anybody shed some light on my predicament?

I had a wonderful hook-up with an old, old boyfriend recently.

This was FIVE days ago. I haven't heard from him since. I sent him ONE email the next morning to say thanks for a great night, and ONE text during the day to wish him Happy Christmas, and... NOTHING!

What. The. F#$%?

Unless he's lying dead in a ditch somewhere, or out in the middle of the Nullabor with no mobile broadband, what is going on?? Did I just get used or do I actually suck in bed?

I would appreciate a guy's perspective on this issue. Thanks in advance!! x

Here's my perspective on this, you just got used. It's a bit blunt but its clear.

I don't think this is typical of "men" maybe "boys". I would believe you are the best judge of his character. The fact that he is you ex might indicate you already know the answer.

If you had a good time, take it as just that. It was a fun time. Not a relationship.

 

[mred01]

From a guy's perspective...most of us are confused unless we know what we are in for..sex or love. sometimes having done something...the after-thought stops us from going back on that road again...just my 2 cents!

 

[pyromaniac]

yeh we are a weirdbubnch

 

[Lantana]

i am not a guy but my first thought is it's a little bit cowardly of him and he knows it. some might say you were used but i don't see it that way..it was probably a fun night and no expectations? by him calling or replying, he doesn't want to give the impression he wants anything more. that's not to say there is anything wrong with you or the sex.

i know what you mean though, some guys complicate things when you could be on the same page all along. it's also natural to wonder and makes you feel slightly not in control when you're the 1 who is sweating waiting for that call.. all sorts of questions start to fly around in your head.. but honestly, just chalk it up to a good night and know the next time you bumo into him, just smile and walk away.

 

[mattyy]

girls are more confusing tey want the total opposite

 

[Haste69]

Dear Amaryllidae, I am sorry I missed this string before.

From experience I will tell you....ah... a problem - it is secret men's business...ok - just this time.

In the time you have been apart you have both grown in different ways, both emotionally and intellectually. Add to that your guy cauterised the wound you left in his memories box when you split but that wound opens up every time he thinks about you. He now does not believe there will not be a repeat of the past and does not want to be wounded again. Sex is just sex - but a relationship : now that is something very different. BTW what has happened since?

Best wishes,

Haste69

 

[biteme]

It's pretty simple really! Men are opportunistic and will take any advantage they can get. He saw an opportunity for some sex, got it and did a runner!! Snoopcat's on the money - so sorry Amaryllidae - but you were used.

 

[Haste69]

Amaryllidae asked for responses from guys. Venusians need only read! (and learn)

 

[Brownstones]

can only give a general anwser without knowing him. But maybe he's happy with a root and feels uncomfortable with maintaining a on going thing. My experience, not that it same as yours but had a great session with a girl recently who loved sucking cock and when I was doing her doggy got a whiff from her and it wasn't pleasant, i made up some story not to see her again because I knew I couldn't DATY the next time thinking about that smell and as she was very generous to me in that way I knew i would have to repay

 

[unitrider08]

dont worry bout him..exes like to play mind games...theyll give u sex and tell you all these different things then avoid you for a longg time...and by the read of your blog sound prety awesome to me ...youll find sum1

 

[Miranda Fox]

Maybe nerves, maybe guilt (in another relationship?), maybe fear of bein intimate. Some of us guys just run from closeness, even though we want it

PMA,
Just talking in general here....
You have hit the nail on the head, whether it is a male or a female..
Some people are very nervous, some are in relationships.
But if Single, some Fear being intimate, and they Fear Committment too.
Not only guys run away from closeness, its women too.
Even though we Want it.

One example in USA you all would know of is Cameron Diaz, Fear of Committment.

 

[Miranda Fox]

I have this conversation with many of my girlfriends about "hook ups" with old boyfriends or new chaps. Regardless it is the same, a "hook up". No more, no less. I wouldn't try to analyze this in terms of him being a prick or what some women do, "What did I do wrong? or What could I have done differently?"

If it was wonderful, then keep that memory and don't muddle it with expectations that weren't there [I say this because you didn't express it in your original post]. Been there, done that, and disappointment abounded. After several of these experiences, I changed my attitude and set my rules for myself. If he doesn't ring me back within 5 days, it is done. No anger, no bitterness, just simply not interested. If he calls me after those 5 days, I just say sorry but although it was fantastic sex...I don't think so. Sometimes I go into knowing there is no tomorrow and I am upfront about it. It has been liberating and saves me all the heartbreak. If he doesn't call at all, I don't personalize it, I just let it go because it wasn't about me.

I have men tell me I sound like a man. It has worked for me and I have been much happier for it.

I hope this helped.

Louise, I like your 5 day rule.
If he calls me, if he does not call > get on with life.
Don't worry about it, don't let him upset you.
There is someone out there that does want you !