Here’s a follow up I am only going to post here. It might spark some discussion from the other side of the equation. Some feed back will be appreciated. I’m all ears.
“When She Doesn’t Want Sex — But It’s Not That She Doesn’t Want Sex”
By Yoda
This is the continuation of a previous blog that seemed to strike a chord — with many women, and with a few brave men too.
That piece was about the man who comes to working women not for sex, but for sanctuary.
It stirred something.
It revealed wounds that a lot of people have been carrying quietly, for a long time.
Today, I want to look at the other side.
Not the man who feels rejected.
But the woman who no longer wants him — not because she doesn’t want sex, but because she no longer wants him in that way.
And the truth is… that hurts both of them.
A woman once said to me,
“I don’t hate sex. I just can’t bring myself to want it… with him.”
And that line has echoed in my mind ever since.
Let’s be honest.
This isn’t about mismatched libidos.
This isn’t about hormones or aging or stress.
This is something far deeper.
Something almost sacred — and painful — that no one wants to admit.
So let’s talk about it.
It’s Not That She Doesn’t Want Sex
She still remembers what it felt like to melt under someone’s touch.
She still fantasises, sometimes.
Still feels a flutter when she sees an actor she likes.
Still craves closeness.
But with him?
Her body tightens. Her mind closes.
Desire turns into duty. Passion turns into pressure.
She might go through the motions now and then — out of obligation.
But it feels like she’s betraying herself every time.
Not because he’s a bad man.
But because something broke, quietly, in the space between them.
So What Happened?
You see, it’s rarely a single event.
It’s the build-up.
It’s the hundred little things that were never seen. Never held.
The resentment that settled into her bones.
It’s:
• The times she cried and he rolled over.
• The conversations that turned into arguments.
• The compliments she stopped getting.
• The small dismissals that made her feel invisible.
And now, her body doesn’t feel safe with him.
Not unsafe in the way of danger — but unsafe in the way of being misunderstood.
Women Don’t Withhold Sex Because They’re Cruel
They do it because something inside them has gone quiet.
Because being naked with someone who doesn’t see you…
hurts more than being alone.
Because when emotional connection dies, physical touch feels like a lie.
And here’s the part that hurts to say:
Sometimes, they don’t even realise how far they’ve drifted
until the man they once ached for becomes a stranger in their bed.
To the Women Reading This:
This isn’t an attack. It’s an invitation.
If this resonates with you — if you’ve pulled away and don’t know why —
then maybe it’s time to explore what’s under the silence.
Not just for your partner.
For you.
Because you deserve intimacy that feels good — not like a performance.
You deserve to be wanted for who you really are — not just your body.
And you deserve to heal what’s been pushed down for too long.
To the Men Reading This:
This might sting.
But please, stay with me.
You’re not broken. You’re not disgusting. You’re not unlovable.
But if she’s pulling away, don’t try to fix her.
Don’t guilt her. Don’t beg. Don’t rage.
Instead — become curious.
Ask:
• When did we start feeling like roommates?
• Have I really been listening — or just reacting?
• What would it take for her to feel safe with me again?
Because the truth is…
If you can meet her where she feels, not just where you want her to be —
you might just find her heart again.
This Blog Is a Conversation Starter, Not a Judgement
I don’t pretend to have all the answers.
I’m not a therapist. I’m not a guru.
I’m just a man who’s been listening. Really listening.
And what I’ve learned is this:
When sex fades, it’s not just about sex.
It’s about the state of the soul between two people.
So tell me…
Have you ever felt this slow unraveling?
Have you lived in a home where the bed grew colder one night at a time?
What helped you heal?
Or did you leave?
Let’s talk. Let’s not shame. Let’s understand.
- Yoda
au.langtrees.com
