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What a wanker!

  • Thread starter Thread starter Toon Hoon Flasher
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Thanks for the jokes . Your posts always make my day.
Good luck on your new arrival.
 
Thanks guys!

There once was a man whose religion said that he had to be naked all the time. Not wanting to go against his religion, he went everywhere naked — even to the supermarket. One day he went shopping for Lifesavers and gum. As he was heading toward the counter to pay for his candy, he saw three nuns come into the store. He thought, "I don't want these nuns to see me and preach to me about how I should wear clothes."

Not having anywhere to hide, he stood very still and pretended to be a mannequin. The three nuns walked up to him and were very curious. The first one went up and yanked on the man's penis, and the man dropped the Lifesavers. The nun picked them up and showed them to the others saying, "Look, I got Lifesavers."

The second nun went up to the man and pulled on his penis, and the man dropped his gum. The nun picked it up and said, "Look, I got gum."

Not wanting to go home empty-handed, the last nun went up to the man, yanked on his penis, and said, "Look, I got hand lotion."
 
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Sex is like bridge — you either need a good partner, or a good hand.
 
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Q. Lovers celebrate Valentine's Day — what do masturbators celebrate?
A. Palm Sunday.
 
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Q. What is the definition of a tough competitor?
A. In a masturbation contest, he finishes first, third, and ninth.
 
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Q. What's the difference between pink and purple?
A. Your grip!
 
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Q. What's the difference between "hard" and "light"?
A. You can get to sleep with a light on.
 
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Q. Why is masturbation better than sex?
A. Because you can see what you are doing!
 
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A blonde enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator.

The man says "Choose from our range on the wall."

She says, "I'll take the red one."

The man replies, "That's a fire extinguisher."
 
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Why Women are the Luckier Sex

When we buy a vibrator it's glamorous. When men buy a blowup doll, it's pathetic.
 
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Some terminology...

Genital stimulation via phallengetic motion
 
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Get a date with Slick Mittens
 
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Liquidating the inventory
 
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Go on a date with Fisty Palmer
 
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Going Hans Solo on Darth Vader's head
 
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Left to your own devices
 
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