Beverley
Gold Member
(Spoiler: that’s… basically everything they say.)
Spend five minutes reading escort forums or chatting with working girls, and you’ll realise one universal truth:
The things clients say could fuel an entire Netflix comedy special.
Seriously, if eye-rolling were an Olympic sport, half the women in the industry would have gold medals and a sore neck.
"If I had a dollar for every dumb thing a client’s said, I’d still be rich — just without the back pain and fake moaning." Says Girl 1
Escorting is 10% sex and 90% customer service — but make it emotional damage with nipple tassels.
Here are some of my personal favorites from the Hall of Fame:
“Are you really into this?”
No, Brad, she’s just moaning like that because she’s thinking about laundry detergent and rising rent.
It’s work, not divine intervention. Nobody asks their dentist if they really enjoy root canals.
If you’re getting a smile, enthusiasm, and an extra ten minutes — congratulations. That’s professionalism, not passion.
“Do you do discounts?”
Sure! And maybe you can offer discounts at your job when your boss flirts with you?
Asking a sex worker for a discount is like haggling at Chanel — embarrassing for everyone involved.
If you want budget romance, there’s always Tinder and a pizza coupon.
“You’re not like other girls.”
Translation: “You’ve tolerated me for more than five minutes.”
It’s the oldest trick in the book — the verbal participation trophy for men.
Fun fact: every girl he’s ever said that to has rolled her eyes so hard her lashes filed for workers’ comp.
“Can we just cuddle?”
Ah yes, the classic move.
You’re paying by the hour but want to spend it being a human space heater who snores and sweats through the sheets. Adorable.
Cuddling isn’t romance — it’s cardio with consequences.
“I think we have a real connection.”
Sure, babe. You also “connected” with your barista because she remembered your name once.
That dopamine hit after good company, compliments, and physical touch? That’s not love — that’s science. And maybe a post-nut illusion.
“You must love your job.”
She probably does. Just not for the reasons you think.
It’s not the sex — it’s the stories. The sociology. The sheer absurdity of hearing a grown man whisper, “Do you think I’m special?” while wearing mismatched socks.
At the end of the day, the escort world is 10% sex and 90% customer service — with better outfits, worse pick-up lines, and significantly fewer HR policies.
So the next time you think you’re being charming, original, or deep — just know that somewhere, someone is writing it down,
and it’s ending up in a blog like this one.
Disclaimer :
So yes, these stories are purely fictional — but if it sounds familiar, maybe that’s your conscience texting you.
No clients were harmed (or named) in the making of this blog.
Spend five minutes reading escort forums or chatting with working girls, and you’ll realise one universal truth:
The things clients say could fuel an entire Netflix comedy special.
Seriously, if eye-rolling were an Olympic sport, half the women in the industry would have gold medals and a sore neck.
"If I had a dollar for every dumb thing a client’s said, I’d still be rich — just without the back pain and fake moaning." Says Girl 1
Escorting is 10% sex and 90% customer service — but make it emotional damage with nipple tassels.
Here are some of my personal favorites from the Hall of Fame:
“Are you really into this?”
No, Brad, she’s just moaning like that because she’s thinking about laundry detergent and rising rent.
It’s work, not divine intervention. Nobody asks their dentist if they really enjoy root canals.
If you’re getting a smile, enthusiasm, and an extra ten minutes — congratulations. That’s professionalism, not passion.
“Do you do discounts?”
Sure! And maybe you can offer discounts at your job when your boss flirts with you?
Asking a sex worker for a discount is like haggling at Chanel — embarrassing for everyone involved.
If you want budget romance, there’s always Tinder and a pizza coupon.
“You’re not like other girls.”
Translation: “You’ve tolerated me for more than five minutes.”
It’s the oldest trick in the book — the verbal participation trophy for men.
Fun fact: every girl he’s ever said that to has rolled her eyes so hard her lashes filed for workers’ comp.
“Can we just cuddle?”
Ah yes, the classic move.
You’re paying by the hour but want to spend it being a human space heater who snores and sweats through the sheets. Adorable.
Cuddling isn’t romance — it’s cardio with consequences.
“I think we have a real connection.”
Sure, babe. You also “connected” with your barista because she remembered your name once.
That dopamine hit after good company, compliments, and physical touch? That’s not love — that’s science. And maybe a post-nut illusion.
“You must love your job.”
She probably does. Just not for the reasons you think.
It’s not the sex — it’s the stories. The sociology. The sheer absurdity of hearing a grown man whisper, “Do you think I’m special?” while wearing mismatched socks.
At the end of the day, the escort world is 10% sex and 90% customer service — with better outfits, worse pick-up lines, and significantly fewer HR policies.
So the next time you think you’re being charming, original, or deep — just know that somewhere, someone is writing it down,
and it’s ending up in a blog like this one.
Disclaimer :
So yes, these stories are purely fictional — but if it sounds familiar, maybe that’s your conscience texting you.
No clients were harmed (or named) in the making of this blog.
I’ll drop the blog link below: “The Things Blokes Say During a Punt.”
Heels like that are only made for carpeted floors.