Upon this subject… this I can relate.
Since born - I'm uncut. And I have never; ever (until recently as described below) understood if there is ever any true WEIGHT of implications of anyone's life - personal or otherwise - whether he is circumcised or not. That was my way of thinking since I was small. I looked at others in college and sure - they're full of assholes and dickheads but each to their own - I wasn't bullied heavily as such or as bad (but that comes in another story) - but one thing for sure - in that throughout puberty - I have never encountered any stigma, whether it be from anyone from school (I went through two different primary schools, and two different colleges) attached to this subject of circumcision. NOR WAS I being picked upon or heard of others being picked and bullied just because a kid's loose down there and not as cool and 'strong' looking as everyone's else.
To me, being uncircumcised was like ' ok big deal, what is it? it's just an extra skin on its' own. Whatever's underneath it is none of my concern.' I wash it, took care of it, just like every day motions of living.
So, as I thought was then - was I sincerely believed was 'good' enough to be widely accepted in society. Even then, my parents didn't even hint or have given me any reason why I'm wasn't cut. Because back then, I didn't care. Honestly didn't care at all.
Because nobody noticed it as ever something to be worried about. Nobody complained. Nobody ever raised anything against it. And as now - I have never had a girlfriend nor a partner. Maybe I was the absolute loner who thought hell with everyone else - it's just me, I could live with it!
And thus so, I have kept myself on an 'ignorance is bliss' state for a good twelve or so years…
…..until four years ago, in 2009.
When I had my very first sexual encounter. And that was whilst on a solo-holiday in K/L. With my very first W/L. And that ended as a disaster. That moment was the start of every health condition/s that I did not ever know I had all along - from my congenital curvature all the way to my ED.
* Pulling the foreskin for the VERY FIRST time *
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Now, picture this for a good minute.
If you, have lived in an underground shelter, with little natural light. For a good decade or even since you are born, and then you stumbled across a moment or given a chance with this possibility - maybe it's time for take a walk outside it looks sunny?
I would guarantee you that your eyes won't thank you for it. You are seeing sunlight for the very first time.
…And the above moment is exactly what my first experience was like when she helped me pulling the foreskin all the way up.
Yes, all the way up, for the very first time, under a semi cold shower. I saw my inner identity down there. For the very first time at the age of 24. Poor bugger. As soon as you touch it, it felt enormously cold & sensitive as it felt like a shock; even at the slightest touch.
Long story short, not even 15 minutes later - everything from that point on was history. I've began questioning everything in my head, researched and read almost every papers on the internet, articles, issues and stories about circumcision. Even going to as far as making an appointment to see an urologist (bloody long 4 months of waiting time no joke) for possible advice on adult circumcision & opinions on congenital curvature. Asked him questions as whether that is true, or what do you think of this research, etc.
At the end comes the quotation for an adult circumcision & correction (this via Nesbit procedure). It's going to cost me $3300 dollars. Excluding some specific hospital and surgery fees.
And then there was a permanent side effect that I had to live it if I were to go ahead with it with this nesbit procedure + adult circumcision. I was told I was going to lose up to 1.5 inches of length.
Throughout all my reading of various papers and research, yes there will be sacrifices and contradictory results. And yes, I have read horror stories where the stitches did not properly 'dissolve' as it should into the tissue. And yes, I have read real cases where even though the patient were promised of no less than 1 inches of loss - but in the long run it was way more length loss than that as a result. Also there's conflicting evidences between what is considered a successful sexual feeling response between uncircumsised (befores) and circumcsised (afters) patients.
As much as I did raised him these questions. None of those were answered by him, although he genuinely offered a genuine enough concern over my conditions to let me think about the cost and effects with it.
….long story short - I decided not to do it.
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Where I am now and what I think of this subject
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I thought long and hard to myself for all those years - I actually somewhat regretted being uncut all along.
Why didn't anyone ever brought this up to me personally one to one? Not even my parents or my step/parents?
So up until three years ago, I've decided to live with what I call a psychological training regime - to live and practise pulling the foreskin all the way up in as many times as I could within a day. Every day. And that regime has been proven to be quite painful and to the point I remembered where it would take me at least a good 4 to 5 VERY LONG months before I could start to comfortably masturbate with the foreskin pulled all the way back.
Within the space of four years - a lot I felt has happened. I started to discover that no matter how 'fine' you feel you think are, either in body or in soul - I have developed a personal belief in this modern life we all live in - we all, in some partial degree in one way or another - are at a disadvantage at some point of our lives. An undiscovered hidden illness. Or something that your parents may or may not have been aware of all along. Or just perhaps something of a lingering feeling that has been growing with you for quite some time and yet you cannot find a way to describe it.
But one thing for certain - now that three years now in this psychology training plus as I continue my fitness / weights lifestyle regime over the last 2 or 3 years prior to that and still counting - I have now decided that there is only one me. Sure, throughout all my encounters with W/Ls perhaps I have been questioned about my curvature once or twice - but one thing for sure - it no longer bothers me.
Nor with circumcision in that matter. Do I still regret it for being uncut and the history I faced with it? Perhaps. But can I live with it? For sure, because I have been willing to adapt so long as my genetics allow it to in all aspects of life - be it personal, intra-personal or outer-personal boundaries.
In short - It's not easy to overcome and to differentiate yourself as something that's not stereotypically instilled in the minds of millions. Being uncircumscied for sure made me less appealing down there (even though I fully shave as a strict daily regiment) - but to all the smiles I have both received and put upon the beautiful W/Ls out there made me realise that yes - as long as you have humility and integrity in one way or another - there is a society for everyone.
And the weight and value of that happiness is immeasurable beyond gold. To me at least, am a living proof - that it differs little whether you are cut or not.
