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T
Tania Admin
Re: Jokes and Funnies
I found this very amusing lol
:laughing4 :laughing4 :laughing4
I found this very amusing lol
:laughing4 :laughing4 :laughing4
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T
Tania Admin
Re: Jokes and Funnies
Pmsl, funny, funny, funny!
Pmsl, funny, funny, funny!
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Re: Jokes and Funnies
BEST AUSSIE PICK UP LINE EVER:
A Aussie walks into a pub and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman..
He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, 'Is your date running late?'
'No', he replies,'I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it..'
The intrigued woman says, 'a state-of-the-art watch?
''What's so special about it?'
The Aussie explains, 'It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.'
The lady says, 'What's it telling you now?'
Well, it says you're not wearing any panties.'
The woman giggles and replies
'Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!'
The Aussie smiles, taps his watch and says,
'Bloody thing's an hour fast!'
BEST AUSSIE PICK UP LINE EVER:
A Aussie walks into a pub and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman..
He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, 'Is your date running late?'
'No', he replies,'I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it..'
The intrigued woman says, 'a state-of-the-art watch?
''What's so special about it?'
The Aussie explains, 'It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.'
The lady says, 'What's it telling you now?'
Well, it says you're not wearing any panties.'
The woman giggles and replies
'Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!'
The Aussie smiles, taps his watch and says,
'Bloody thing's an hour fast!'
C
colzilla
Re: Jokes and Funnies
A proud German cat.
A proud German cat.
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Happy2
Legend Member
C
colzilla
Re: Jokes and Funnies
Wait! I have another.
Wait! I have another.
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C
colzilla
Re: Jokes and Funnies
This guy in the government couldn't agree more.
This guy in the government couldn't agree more.
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A
Al Swearengen
Re: Jokes and Funnies
A badger you NEED! The future is NOW!
A badger you NEED! The future is NOW!
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C
colzilla
Re: Jokes and Funnies
Mr Al Badgers are mother f'n cool. Now that's one species along with beaver that should have been introduced.
Unfortunately for Mr Badger though when I drink I drink alone.
Mr Al Badgers are mother f'n cool. Now that's one species along with beaver that should have been introduced.
Unfortunately for Mr Badger though when I drink I drink alone.
A
Al Swearengen
Re: Jokes and Funnies
I like badgers too but I've always been partial to the razorback boar myself.
I like badgers too but I've always been partial to the razorback boar myself.
Re: Jokes and Funnies
I personally have an adoration for panthers and jaguars... something about a strong feline that is clever enough to chase prey up the tree. Smart animals, powerful and resourceful.
If i could teach one to clean it would be perfect, cleaner, heater, running companion and guard against theives
I personally have an adoration for panthers and jaguars... something about a strong feline that is clever enough to chase prey up the tree. Smart animals, powerful and resourceful.
If i could teach one to clean it would be perfect, cleaner, heater, running companion and guard against theives
C
colzilla
Re: Jokes and Funnies
Yes those pussycats are indeed mysterious no wonder the Aztecs and Mayans worshiped them as gods... Cats are their own gods.
Yes those pussycats are indeed mysterious no wonder the Aztecs and Mayans worshiped them as gods... Cats are their own gods.
A
Al Swearengen
Re: Jokes and Funnies
.....................
.....................
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T
Tania Admin
Re: Jokes and Funnies
Tough choice to make lol
Tough choice to make lol
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K
kazinthecountry
Re: Jokes and Funnies
funny as. I'm going to spend some time soon reading a heap of these.
funny as. I'm going to spend some time soon reading a heap of these.
D
Dasiy
Re: Jokes and Funnies
Like that one, very funny.
Like that one, very funny.
N
Naio
Re: Jokes and Funnies
Three friends married women from different parts of the world.
The first man married a Greek girl. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second man married a Thai girl. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a girl from Australia. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. The first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything either but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye. His arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he urinates.
Three friends married women from different parts of the world.
The first man married a Greek girl. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second man married a Thai girl. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a girl from Australia. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. The first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything either but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye. His arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he urinates.
N
Naio
Re: Jokes and Funnies
Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.
Officer: I see... Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Woman: Yes and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the woman and a senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!
Woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: The officer told me that you stole this car and murdered the owner.
Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you open the trunk of your car please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: The officer claims that you do not have a driver's license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: I must admit, ma'am, that I'm confused; the officer told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car and that you murdered the owner.
Woman: I suppose the lying bastard told you I was speeding too?
Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.
Officer: I see... Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Woman: Yes and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the woman and a senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!
Woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: The officer told me that you stole this car and murdered the owner.
Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you open the trunk of your car please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: The officer claims that you do not have a driver's license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: I must admit, ma'am, that I'm confused; the officer told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car and that you murdered the owner.
Woman: I suppose the lying bastard told you I was speeding too?
N
Naio
Re: Jokes and Funnies
John was talking to his fiance, Rebecca.
He said, "Be honest, now, baby. How am I as a lover?"
To which she replied, "Honey, I would definitely say that you're warm."
"Really?" he said excitedly.
"Yes, in fact I would say that you're the dictionary definition of the word 'warm'."
John was pleased until he went home and, just for fun, checked his dictionary and found, "WARM: Not so hot."
John was talking to his fiance, Rebecca.
He said, "Be honest, now, baby. How am I as a lover?"
To which she replied, "Honey, I would definitely say that you're warm."
"Really?" he said excitedly.
"Yes, in fact I would say that you're the dictionary definition of the word 'warm'."
John was pleased until he went home and, just for fun, checked his dictionary and found, "WARM: Not so hot."
Re: Jokes and Funnies
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.
> Her boss asked sympathetically, 'What's the matter?'
> The blonde replies, 'Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away.'
> The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, 'Why don't you go
> home for the day? Take the day off to relax & rest.'
> 'Thanks, but I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it & I have the best chance of doing that here.'
> The boss agrees & allows the blonde to work as usual.
> A couple of hours pass & the boss decides to check on the blonde.
> He looks out from his office & sees the blonde crying hysterically...
> 'What's so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?' he asks.
> 'No!' exclaims the blonde.
> 'I just received a horrible call from my sister. Her mother died, too!'
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.
> Her boss asked sympathetically, 'What's the matter?'
> The blonde replies, 'Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away.'
> The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, 'Why don't you go
> home for the day? Take the day off to relax & rest.'
> 'Thanks, but I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it & I have the best chance of doing that here.'
> The boss agrees & allows the blonde to work as usual.
> A couple of hours pass & the boss decides to check on the blonde.
> He looks out from his office & sees the blonde crying hysterically...
> 'What's so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?' he asks.
> 'No!' exclaims the blonde.
> 'I just received a horrible call from my sister. Her mother died, too!'
M
Miss Congeniality
N
Naio
Q: Why did the belt get locked up?
A: He held up a pair of pants
funny and lame at the same time.ha
A: He held up a pair of pants
funny and lame at the same time.ha
What's the difference between a Porsche and a gimp?
Well, I don't have a Porsche locked in my garage.....
Well, I don't have a Porsche locked in my garage.....
Q. What did the snail say when he hitched a ride on the turtle?
A. Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!
A. Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!
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