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Question for the married or long term partners

Wooper

Wooper

Legend Member
So recently married mate of mine had been having a talk with his wife about sprucing up their sex life and for the most part she is pretty vanilla but it lead to her saying that she gives him permission to go get rub and tugs whenever he wants and if he really desires to hire a girl for sex but to make sure it’s always clean safe and that it doesn't effect their sex life in a negative way,

And simply she doesn’t wanna know if he is doing it or hear about it so my question is has anyone been in a similar situation or has anyone had the conversation with their partner to get permission to do something similar ?
 
Yep, menopause is fucking terrible. When I think back to my life with my wife before and after and our sex life it's two different lives. Combined with cancer treatment's after effects and we have ended up more like best friends. It's tragic but we love each other so keep hoping things get better.
 
TBH if I was recently married and had that offer made to me I'd be disappointed. Both parties have to work at making it work. Compromise, give and take, exploring sexuality together etc etc. I can understand it maybe after 20 years or so but not in a recently married scenario. I'd be thinking it's the beginning of the end and the end of the beginning rolled into one.
 
mrys said:
TBH if I was recently married and had that offer made to me I'd be disappointed. Both parties have to work at making it work. Compromise, give and take, exploring sexuality together etc etc. I can understand it maybe after 20 years or so but not in a recently married scenario. I'd be thinking it's the beginning of the end and the end of the beginning rolled into one.
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Hard to explain their relationship over txt but that’s not their situation, it’s not to fix anything broken it’s to keep things moving
 
So, Wooper, what do you reckon of the wife ? ... she might be Vanilla, but with Neopolitan potential !

Is she attractive and/or desirable ? ... what chance she might explore a similar avenue of enlightenment ?
 
Lingus said:
So, Wooper, what do you reckon of the wife ? ... she might be Vanilla, but with Neopolitan potential !

Is she attractive and/or desirable ? ... what chance she might explore a similar avenue of enlightenment ?
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I get along wife her, very chill and down to earth, showing age a little bit keeps pretty healthy and fit, not sure what you mean by the rest of that though
 
Lingus said:
So, Wooper, what do you reckon of the wife ? ... she might be Vanilla, but with Neopolitan potential !

Is she attractive and/or desirable ? ... what chance she might explore a similar avenue of enlightenment ?
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I just want her to have a few words to mine.
 
Wooper said:
I get along wife her, very chill and down to earth, showing age a little bit keeps pretty healthy and fit, not sure what you mean by the rest of that though
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Everyone ages … I agree with her suggestions but personally think it should be an open option for both parties. So what if she is “ vanilla “ that’s her vibe so she should explore . If he wants another option go for it .It’s their relationship with their boundaries/guidelines …. I don’t see that it’s anyone’s business but their own . I honestly cannot see how “ menopause “ has anything to do with this topic . Seems to me she is opening up options . I have known a few people in this stage of their relationship….it’s a brave move . To love someone enough to share and for that partner to allow them to share is admirable . Thankfully with age age comes wisdom !
 
as usual I have to ask can people stay on the topic instead of trying to psychoanalyse someone you don’t know, you don’t have the full details and context of their relationship or them as people, stop asking about her it’s irrelevant to then question
 
Yep. Went down the same path a few years ago. Given the same go ahead, menopause not the reason. Despite her saying it was all good, jealousy ultimately crept in and was only ever receiving rub n tug. Long story short, now divorced. Either works or it doesn't. That was not why we divorced, just sped up the process
 
You know when it sounds too good, it is TOO GOOD. It is a trap, don't get lure in.

But it does sound exactly like the scenario with my friend. It ended up with her cheating on him. Though I am pretty sure she was cheating on him way before that, hence the reason why she prompt it.
 
Wooper said:
So recently married mate of mine had been having a talk with his wife about sprucing up their sex life ...

... so my question is has anyone been in a similar situation or has anyone had the conversation with their partner to get permission to do something similar ?
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To answer the question, no ... I haven't been in a similar situation, but for the fact that I didn't find my second partner engaging with my libido ... and as we got older (together from 1999 to 2016) I found her less and less interesting or appealing.

In the early years we attended one counselling session, but my partner chose not to go down a path of therapy because she feared we would separate ... ultimately, some dozen or so years later, that's what ended up happening at a time of stress during renovation of our 70-year old home.

As to asking for permission to indulge in sexual activity elsewhere, I'm more than sure she suspected me of 'playing around', but she only brought that up in conversation once ... I confessed to an interest in internet porn, however I knew that a frank no-holds-barred discussion would not have had a positive result ... or, perhaps I simply wasn't that brave !
 
Honesty can be a good policy , but it can be used against you. Know a lot of guys who don’t get sex much at all from wife due to menopause , it just depends if you accept it, or get some elsewhere
 
Is it possible that HE is the one that doesn't know what's really going on ??
As for me .. I mind my own business
 
Promassuer63 said:
Is it possible that HE is the one that doesn't know what's really going on ??
As for me .. I mind my own business
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No, I know these people very well and have the full story which none of you do and again it’s irrelevant to the question so I don’t know why people won’t let it go and stop assuming things they know nothing about
 
Refresh of the question by Wooper:

'So recently married mate of mine had been having a talk with his wife about sprucing up their sex life and for the most part she is pretty vanilla but it lead to her saying that she gives him permission to go get rub and tugs whenever he wants and if he really desires to hire a girl for sex but to make sure it’s always clean safe and that it doesn't effect their sex life in a negative way,

And simply she doesn’t wanna know if he is doing it or hear about it so my question is has anyone been in a similar situation or has anyone had the conversation with their partner to get permission to do something similar ?'
 
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