I need your opinion.

[Mrs Langtrees]

This regards a family issue. I have a bright wonderful well adjusted 19yo daughter, which is presently attending Fashion University in another state.
She has to work to support herself, Mum pays the educational bills, the health insurance etc.
She has a two day a week job in a well known expensive shoe shop, and has proved herself as a reliable upfront girl. From a customer enquiry yesterday re the lady looking for a Nanny, my Miss R said she spent last year in Esperance doing her Child Educational course because she loves little children. Since then the owners have offered her a wonderful nanny position for three days a week, and she has received two other offers from others as well.
The excitement in her voice when she was telling me was very special. She has great references from both her school principals and others that she has babysat for.
I raised with her that she should tell them who her mother is before she accepts the position. It should have no relevance if the parents do the research and phone her references.
She feels this isn't necessary, as how would they find out…. She has no understanding of what I try to achieve and that my life is an open book on the web… I have told her and my sons, but I also knew that it was unlikely they would ever take the time needed to have a sticky beak.
I feel if I found out something like that after the event I would lose my trust in that person, regardless of how good they are. Children are ones most priceless assets.
What do the members feel? I don't want this to come back and bite my princess on the bum.
I feel if she wants to work with children she should be upfront and honest, or otherwise take the night club job she has also been offered to supplement her income, to live the life style a 19yo craves.

 

[Larry83]

opinion

Hi Maryanne
From my point of view i cant see anything wrong with the nanny positions and it coming back to bite her.
I mean i never spoke about my old mans position or anything about him. And i still wont let it affect the type of work i do.
I can see your concern with it, in case people did find out and took it the wrong way. And if your worried about it alot perhaps just mention to your daughter that if the subject came up about your job then perhaps mention your in advertising and promotions and a cover story. Im not saying this for any shame just as a cover story. Murphys law though it will probably not come up at all.
Hope this has helped a bit well my 2cents anyways

 

[DT4eva]

Sticky situation

why should an employer need to know what his or her mother does for a living.
Reality, they are employing the person in front of them not the family. the family is a personal thing.

The parent could be a highly regarded lawyer,or maybe a mother who is an alcoholic or currently residing in a mental institution.

But if the employer was to find out about the parent would it or should it make any difference? no

Here we are at the sticky part, depending on the employers outlook on life if he or she is open minded or judgmental.

Maybe it might be best to keep secrets, and then maybe in conversation mention something to the employer later down the track, once your daughter has got to know them and can sense their feelings weather they are straight laced or not.

 

[Mrs Langtrees]

Are you taking into account that I am hoping to attract very large mass media in the next four months. What If I was in Melbourne and I couldn't pick my daughter up from work after borrowing her car. What if she falls in love with the wealthy neighbour and has a elaborate cover story that ruins her chances. Is it not the best just to declare the issue now. She is so good because she is my daughter, and the industry has given her a chance to become someone, surely it should not have to be hidden or avoided. Why should she look after someone elses child and share the things I taught her, without first being herself?

 

[princesssuzie]

Firstly I want to ask if your daughter has the same surname as yours?

When filling out paperwork for the majority of workplaces they ask for your next of kin which I assume is you, unless R is engaged or married.

I don't feel R should have to tell her employers who her mother is unless she wants to. She's 19 and has to as an adult make her own decisions, which we may not like but still have to abide by and if it comes back to bite her in the bum, then next time she'll do it differently, hopefully.

You as her mother can advise but you should know that if you butt in she'll soon tell you to butt out.

As a mother of a 19 year old I fully understand that you want what's best for her as I always do, but try to remember what you were like at her age and whether you would have listened to the advice of your Mum then....

 

[Minxxy]

Maryanne I dont think it matters whose someones family is. What matters is whether that affects their ability to do their role.

I have worked with people who grew up Morman, one of my good friends' father is in jail, and I personally would consider my background 'white trash' to be quite blunt. None of these things have prevented any of us from exploring the world on our own and becoming responsible adults in our own right.

If I was hiring your daughter and she mentioned to me that you were her mother, I would be wondering why... I would think that somehow she thought it relevant to her application, when it is indeed not. And that then could lead people to wonder why it was necessary for her to bring it up...

I understand your POV, but I do not think it necessary for her to mention you. Unless she is gushing about what a great mum you are for paying some of her bills and being an overall awesome woman.

 

[Mrs Langtrees]

The advise I gave her was apply get accepted, but to tell them before she formerly accepted.
I also don't think someone should be judged because of there parents, and I have no shame in what I do. I just want my daughter to have a honest relationship with the parents that are prepared to entrust their child to her care.

 

[Naughty Thoughts]

Firstly I want to ask if your daughter has the same surname as yours?

I'd ask the same thing. I've worked management in several places and I've never gone looking for someone's parents or relatives. For a job, as has already been stated, it ought to be irrelevant.

For personal issues (like a new beau) then yes, she ought to be a bit more forthcoming, especially if he comes from a more conservative or image-sensitive family. But it shouldn't be the first thing she says when she meets a new person.

It seems to me that it'd fall into the category of "things to mention early in the relationship". It used to be a bit more of a problem back in the day, now not so much.

 

[someguy]

Let your daughter decide for herself if she wants to tell the family what you do or not. What my parents do for work has zero impact on my working life and so it should be for your daughter. The subject would never be broached in a job interview so there is no need to bring it up. It isn't keeping the truth of what you do hidden. Because ultimately what you do for a living is irrelevant. If the subject was raised then by all means be honest otherwise it is no ones business.

 

[netyrk]

As an adult, of course, she can choose to either tell them or not as the case may be.

I would think that if she mentioned it as a side issue in a casual way.

"I know this will have noo bearing on your decision to hire me, but I feel it would not be right if I did not mention that my mother has previously run adult businesses." ..... she can then elaborate if necessary.

I feel sure that Miss R's pure personality will tell the employer that the way has been brought up is a great reflection on your own standards as a human being.

The main reason I think she should mention it is because she will be caring for other peoples kids. Apart from that, it should have no effect on the relationship she has with her employers and will probably not be an issue.

If it is an issue, then maybe they aren't the right employer for your daughter.

 

[Mrs Langtrees]

My thoughts eaxactly Netyrk. The only reason is because she is looking after children.

 

[corneus]

Maryanne,
I guess it varies from state to state, but there are legal requirements to disclose certain things to your employer when working with children, and rightly so. However, your parents' names or occupations is not one of them, and this is as it should be as well.
I don't think she should volunteer the information, but neither should she deny or cover it up if she is asked. If she is asked, she would be well within her rights to ask why that may be relevant.
People will always have very strong ideas about how their children should be raised and who or what they are exposed to, and that (to some extent at least) is their prerogative. However, and in all seriousness, I would have far more concerns about having a priest of any sort look after my children, than the daughter of a sex industry identity such as your good self!

 

[Mrs Langtrees]

Thank you for that info Corneus.
Miss R has alrady worked for these people for three months in the shoe shop and proved her worth...so I do think they will judge her on her ability alone and see they made the right choice if she disclosed the matter now, before entering there home as such.

 

[sumguy]

I think it's best if she does inform her potential employers, because if they find out later on they may think she was hiding it from them, (even though she wasn't).

Some people can have very strange reactions to things outside there sphere of influence. Simply the association can be enough to make them think twice.

Whether or not it is fair, it happens - and it could be a sore point in the future which makes her work unpleasant and opens her up to gossip and insinuation.

Being a nanny it seems likely she will end up in more intimate situations with people, so she will likely be asked about her family.

Simpler in the long run to let them know first, just in case it does matter to them.

Since you live interstate, I doubt there will be a problem, (unless you own some business in that state).

 

[Mrs Langtrees]

Thank You sumguy, my thoughts exactly...head off any problems at the start. Being a Nanny is a much more intimate role than most, if they have a problem after she has already worked in there business for three months, it just means they don't deserve the wonderful young lady I raised (with the help of many I may add)

 

[SubNymphet]

"I know this will have noo bearing on your decision to hire me, but I feel it would not be right if I did not mention that my mother has previously run adult businesses." ..... she can then elaborate if necessary.

I agree with that Netyrk...
i think that it SHOUDLNT have any impact on whether or not she gets the nanny position, but unfortunatly some people do judge others by thier company.

Due to the fact you will be in the media and if you plan to be spending time with your daughter before/after work and may cross paths with her employer then it would probably be best that it is mentioned casually as Netyrk stated just to avoid any uncomfortable moments down the track!

 

[sumguy]

Thank You sumguy, my thoughts exactly...head off any problems at the start. Being a Nanny is a much more intimate role than most, if they have a problem after she has already worked in there business for three months, it just means they don't deserve the wonderful young lady I raised (with the help of many I may add)

I also occurs to me to ask does the family have any strong religious beliefs, or have a different cultural background.

Sometimes it is not obvious, and if your daughter has no experience of different cultural attitudes it can be a rude awakening.

Hopefully she will ask her own questions before she accepts the job.

Best of luck to you both. :thumbsup:

 

[Mrs Langtrees]

My Miss R has a good understanding of all beliefs and very tolerant, but also rather determined young lass, she must get this from her father olice:
I will follow her wishes on this matter, your post reminded me to call the princess, and she was all dressed up leaving for a 21st party with friends. She briefly indicated she was keeping her options open and doing a try out at a St Kilda Night Club next Thursday evening, so she may have taken my advice, as this sort of job needs no declaration on who the parents may or may not be.
I shall close the post now, thanks for the support, I just had to vent a little, and as I know this little princess would think mums forum would have no interest to someone of her wordly years, I could do this in privacy.