How do you know if your partner is interested in sex with you anymore?

L

lickedysplit

Why does the sex die?
How is it that in the first 6 months of dating you can't get enough of each other but as soon as your comfortable with the emotion side of things the passion begins to fizzle.. And the sex is the last thing on the agenda...
We use the 'kids,' or the 'work too much', excuses but why really does it happen..
The sex drive just takes a walk and the idea of it becomes a chore which requires concentration... What happened to the spontanaity of it all, the lust, the need and want for him??? the desire...
Yet still love and adore him and want and need him...
It doesn't make sense but it happens too so many relationships...

How do we keep the passion alive?
How do we keep the drive going?

from the splittttttttttttttttttt
xx
 
P

Phil the Stripper

Re:

lets say you love ice cream, if all you could have was ice cream for every meal it wouldn't be long before you would want a pizza. We are always looking for something better.

Seriously though, we spend our lives looking for our ideal mate and when we find it we feel complete. Problem with that feeling is we feel empty and lost if the relationship grows apart. If we are true to ourselves maybe we might have raised issues that bothered us sooner or ended the relationship before time passes us by.

I think that one of the biggest problems with relationships is that we continuely look at the other person in the relationship as though they need to be fixed, when all along we just have to look at ourselves, and realise the truth that is inside of us. It could be that we need to change personly or maybe just end the relationship and move on.

We are all born as complete people so partners in our life just serve as companions, friends, lovers or what ever you want to call it, but never as the other (missing) half.

If we understand ourselves better we will follow feelings that are our own, and not that of our family, friends, religious groups and the media. This makes all the difference.

Good luck to all!
 
J

Jerome

Go Phil!! My sentiments exactly. I could'nt wait to reply to this one but you took the wind out of my sails. No need to add anything ;c)

YOU ROCK!
 
M

minimel

usually due to the fact that a relationship starts off on lust.. where you want to shag your partner anywhere and anyhow.. no matter the time or the place... after a while.. the lust turns into love (awww) and then you explore the person on a different leval... and sex/love making.. becomes different.. and sometimes not as heated as it was in the beginning
 
M

mizzbehaving

This is a very interesting topic, I totaly agree with what everyone has said.. I have been extremly lucky with past relationships (married for 8yrs) and with the partner i have now, the passion and lust and nortiness of it never dies... somtimes it gets put on hold till the dramas in our 'normal' life has subsided..
I am always looking to do unusual and out there things, or somtimes just the most simple of thing like wakeing my guy up by smearing choc sauce on parts of his body and licking and sucking it off him, somthing so simple but has the desired effect.

One last thing.. I have found talking to people over the yrs on the net.. some arent very sexual that is to say that sex is not high on their agend (personaly as far as adult relationships are concernd i put it as one of the most important aspects of the relationship, but then i do like hell no luv my sex).. and the guys seem to fall into the comfort zone and wish there women were sexual dynamos ready to go al the time.. while the women are waiting for there sex stud to sweep them off their feet, the love is still there but the communication has dropped off... sorry if that is a sweeping generization, just my observations :)

Women take control of your man!... make him fall in lust with you again, take time out from the regular day to day grinde, be creative and use your imagination to get the lusty passion that you deserve. :p
 
V

Vyxxxn

mizzbehaving said:
Women take control of your man!... make him fall in lust with you again, take time out from the regular day to day grinde, be creative and use your imagination to get the lusty passion that you deserve. :p
Click to expand...

Very sound advice MizzB, amongst the other excellent posts here....everyday should be a new one. ;D
 
J

Jerome

I agree wholeheartedly with you too Vyxxxn.
....everyday should be a new one.
 
L

lickedysplit

Well they were all awesome posts, and phil said it well and minimel said it short and sweet and gave u a fuzzy feeling bout the hubby but the passion still being there even after the stresses of daily life is spot on...i think it should still stay..i think if it doesnt something is wrong...maybe the amount of desire alters but the lust should remain
 
K

kinky_master

Having asked myself the very same question a while ago, I reflected over the last 20 years and where things went wrong. And even though I could have sworn I was in love every time - with hindsight it was more lust than anything else. And even though it is great fun, and needs to be part of any successfull relationship, it is generally not a great base.
Normally those 6 month can be great fun - you get to know one another and work out wether you are suitable for more than a few month.
And of course we all make mistakes and sometimes I feel we mislead one another - and before anyone realises you are stuck, covered in far reaching obligations.
But good to see that many of you out there are doing well - past all hurdles.
 
L

lickedysplit

you have to like it without the sex, because your the one who will be holding the hand when saying goodbye...if that makes sense..the one to be there when sex isnt possible..that is love...
love is not sex
i love sex with variety of people but only love one man...

Is it the addiction to needing something different the real reason for different sexual partners, is it selfish? does it mean we don't really love our partners if were prepared to share that intimacy with someone we just met.. Why do we accept that from our partner or expect our partner to accept it???
 
K

kinky_master

My definition of love:
To ensure that the person you love is happy - regardless of the cost to yourself!
 
C

chrissie

kinky_master said:
Having asked myself the very same question a while ago, I reflected over the last 20 years and where things went wrong. And even though I could have sworn I was in love every time - with hindsight it was more lust than anything else. And even though it is great fun, and needs to be part of any successfull relationship, it is generally not a great base.
Normally those 6 month can be great fun - you get to know one another and work out wether you are suitable for more than a few month.
And of course we all make mistakes and sometimes I feel we mislead one another - and before anyone realises you are stuck, covered in far reaching obligations.
But good to see that many of you out there are doing well - past all hurdles.
Click to expand...

There's a saying that I often reflect on - that sex is 90% of a bad relationship, and 10% of a good one. 'Good' and 'bad' are not used in the sense of value judgements here, but rather in the sense of enduring, rewarding, synergistic. Or to put it another way, as a wise friend of mine said, if you take the bdsm out of the relationship, would you still want to spend time with that person?

Sex is fun, scening is awesome - but there will come a day when you can't swing a flogger anymore, when you can't handle the extreme scening that you once could. That's when you need to be waking up to a soul-mate, a friend, a lover - not many of us seem to get it right first time round, but that doesn't mean we never will.

Sex fulfills a physical need - in my paradigm it doesn't - and shouldn't - be used to try to fill an emotional need. That's what your partner is for.

YMMV

Chrissie
 
J

Jerome

lickedysplit said:
you have to like it without the sex, because your the one who will be holding the hand when saying goodbye...if that makes sense..the one to be there when sex isnt possible..that is love...
love is not sex
i love sex with variety of people but only love one man...

Is it the addiction to needing something different the real reason for different sexual partners, is it selfish? does it mean we don't really love our partners if were prepared to share that intimacy with someone we just met.. Why do we accept that from our partner or expect our partner to accept it???
Click to expand...
Well said Lickedy! What is the relationship bsaed on? Is it based on something your "chosen one" does for you? Is it because they are god in bed or they listen to you and make you feel good about yourself? Is it because they validate you when you feel invalidated or they give you absolution when you are denying the truth within? Or it because their mere presence contradicts your insecure self beliefs? If any of these, or any other "gifts" are applicable, then what happens when they cease? We fall on our faces because we rely on them to prop us up in various areas.
Do we still love our lover when these things they do for us (the things that attracted us to them in the first place) are no longer possible? No love is not sex; I agree and neither is it about what they do for me. I belive it's about...as long as I am loving I feel love and loved. Not by another person but by love itself.

Love is limitless.
 
L

lickedysplit

chrissie you said it well and jerome...at the end of the we still all look for emotional intimacy, and that is what we remember and yearn for..sex is just for play, sometimes we cant play...not in the mood. someone elses toys are better, more interesting, different.. so we change playmates, but we always go back to the loyal mate, the real playmate, the playmate who will have US back after we played with others....
So are we just all selfish and bored?
 
P

perth_lush

Here is something that I was given by my partner soon after we committed to each other - it's something we base our love upon...

" Love... a small word for such a complex emotion. There is no simple explanation for it, because love is made up of many things. It cannot be measured, because it is a feeling..

All of the money in the world cannot buy love; it has to be earned. It does not happen by wishing; it must come about naturally.

Love is not an instantaneous emotion, but something that grows slowly between two people, maturing with time. Once love has reached maturity, there is no stronger bond between two people.

To love someone means being comfortable and at ease with them, sharing confidences knowing that they will be understood and held in trust. It means respecting each others dignity and never being demanding, but rather being willing to give, and accepting that which is given, graciously and with love.

To love someone means having a genuine concern for them, being able to sense that something is worng without being told. It is understanding the other person's problems, moods, and "hang-ups," and accepting all of them even if you don't quite understand. It is excusing their faults, because you know their good points far outweigh the bad.

Love is always being there for each other with a shoulder to cry on, to give support when confidence levels are low, to give helpful advise when it is asked for, to know when to be silent and just listen, or to give cheeful words of encouragement.

Love is sharing the good and the bad, the hopes and the dreams, the amusing times and the serious times. It is doing things together, yet leaving room for each to grow as an individual.

I am blessed with your love, and I will never take it for granted. I will strive to become an even better person and to always be deserving of your love, because I truly love you as I have never loved before... "

Hope you like, it's something that I believe in, and try to adhere to each and every day... love is what makes the world go round...

Lush xx
 
L

lickedysplit

Lush bunny..we've been waiting....for you to unleash your mind on this forum...of all of us here, you are the most indepth and profound..how beautiful that was that he penned you.....and how true it all is....

to love ....is to bend....
we have to bend for each other...
to read between the lines...
to not have to speak but for them to hear those unspoken words...

the day is nearing filly....
and it will be grander than all..

we got a groovy kind of love kiddo....

phill collins..just listening to it as i read your post...with a tear...
your a special bumble bee and he knows it...
as he is special tooooo..


as we all are special..

god im way too melancholy..
the split has splat
xx
 
P

perth_lush

Glad you appreciate Lickedy! We are all such very special, little creatures on this planet.... Much love to you Split...

Lush xx
 
H

honeyblonde

I was in love only once

and that was recently

was profound it changed me in manyways but the guy was married and to love the unavailable heart is a silly thing to do.

mind you the rest of him was up for grabs

as many woman around australia know

a man for all seasons, states, countys, time zones,

a vegemite man spreading himself all over the place

but he showed me what falling in love can be and its pretty darn good, but its not the fall that kills ya its the landing when you hit the floor.


sex I can handle, love nope never again once was enough like who wants open heart surgery without an anesthetic lol

ohh yeah pick me pick me
NOT

honeyblonde
 
P

perthminx

Well I am the tender age of 22 and I have been in love twice.... I have been engaged as well. There was one guy I thought I loved but I know now I was frightened of being alone.

Love is an awesome thing when it happens, but when it ends it is equally as heart breaking. I havent closed my heart off to love. I just dont look for it anymore. I love myself enough to know that I dont need someone else's love to make me whole.
 
V

Vyxxxn

perthminx said:
Love is an awesome thing when it happens, but when it ends it is equally as heart breaking. I havent closed my heart off to love. I just dont look for it anymore. I love myself enough to know that I dont need someone else's love to make me whole.
Click to expand...

For such a young woman you are learning fast. *heart*
 
P

perthminx

Well I have been told that I sound older than I am.... which I guess is a good thing! Lets say I had to grow up very young.... I am glad though. I try to help other people learn from my mistakes!
 
V

Vyxxxn

That's all good Minx...likewise here, 'cept I am like way young at heart (with the smarts of my age ;))...but as much as we can try to help others/give advice through mistakes of our own, it is always a lesson one has to learn ones self. :)
 
L

lickedysplit

how true..ver ywell said for young pup...

Sometimes we stay with soemone we are not in love with because we prefer to be LONELY rather than alone...

But wisdom and pain gives you the strength to satand alone and then you are no longer lonely......
If that makes sense...

You have to be comfortable by yourself and alone before you can attract a healthy relationship.
There are too many relationships evolving purely out of lonliness and not love...
 
M

Mary Anne PA

Question from Gina talkinsex

My fiance is quite a bit older than I am and we have been together 12 years. He works alot so there are times that he is tired and goes to bed when I want to make love. Our sex is amazing and it last forever. I just don't have it as much as I'd like to.
My problem is that he can find time to masturbate but he is tired when I want to make love. I feel bothered by this and I want to know is does he masturbate to release stress or is this what he rather be doing? When is it healthy and when does it become a problem? This makes me feel like I don't turn him on, am I being dramatic or should I have concerns?
 
D

David Kay

HI GINA. Each time your lover ejaculates he is draining energy and brain power With my therapy we show him how it ejeculate inwards and not lose energy as when he was younger he should also have a erection every morning ,otherwise he has a flat battery.Stress is also fixed with our therapy.Contact me if you want more help.
 
S

scarface

Horny as hell

Hey Gina i know excactly how you feel i love sex and i can never get enough of it. Its a universal problem , one partner wants more than the other.I think having a harem if your a bloke would be great. Perhaps if you were Cleo Patra you could chop and change as much as you want then get rid of the dude when his use by date is up and get another. But on a serious note i think for blokes they if they wish can go to a massage parlour or a place like LPS if you want to include your partner.

If the worst comes to the worst contact me and i will try and satisfy as best as i can HE He He.
 
melissa@talkinsex

melissa@talkinsex

Foundation Member
Points
0
Hi Gina. Maybe you could try masturbating together which may lead to sex or if he is into erotic stories you could read them to him and that whay he can get exited without using up to much energy.
 
cammando755

cammando755

Silver Member
Points
0
Hi,
I'm in a relationship with a sex worker, and I believe she has lost interest in sex with me, and she just has sex with me, and goes through the motions to try and keep me happy?
She works regularly, so I'm thinking she is bored from sex due to the men she sees at work?
Interested to hear what you think? Thanks.
 
MrBig

MrBig

Diamond Member
Points
0
cammando755 said:
Hi,
I'm in a relationship with a sex worker, and I believe she has lost interest in sex with me, and she just has sex with me, and goes through the motions to try and keep me happy?
She works regularly, so I'm thinking she is bored from sex due to the men she sees at work?
Interested to hear what you think? Thanks.
Click to expand...
Make love not sex!
At work she'll go through the motions and has sex. You need to use the affection you have for each to get the ball rolling in right direction - even if it doesn't always end with sex. If it does then it'll be much more meaningful and glorious.
Just my thoughts.
Good luck ! :)
I really only wanted to highlight your incorrect use of "you're" instead of "your" in the thread title before the local "Grammar Nazi" tore strips from you.
 
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