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Have you ever had a moment where you've thought BDSM isn't for you or for your partner?

B

Blankface

Interested in hearing your experiences. After some experimentation it isn't for my gf.
 
The term "Different strokes for different folks" comes to mind.

BDSM is a VERY broad category with many subsets and just because you or your partner like one thing it certainly doesn't mean either of you will like something else, It's also certainly not for everyone and for me it has to be a two way street both parties need to enjoy the experiance. I've introduced people to new things they never knew they liked and I've been introduced to the same. There have been a few complete misses with partners all together and a few things I tried that I didn't like or my partner didn't like. I also have hard limits purely based on my personality type knowing I won't enjoy them.

Purely out of interest ... Is it something new to this partner or is it something you are exploring for the first time together ? What sorts of things did you try to come up with the conclusion it's not for her ?

It's important to know and understand it's not for everyone but it's also worth exploring different aspects if only on paper to see if anything sparks both of your interests.. I've had partners who loved to be spanked , restrained in various ways by hand and even tickled but couldn't stand being bound with restraints, some who purely loved to be disciplined and controlled and some who none of it Intrested the list of combinations on hard and soft limits is close to endless and then there's also the differences in being a Dom or a sub , a top a bottom or a switch...

Anyhoo .. Just my 2cents ;)
 
For the last two years I thought of myself as a sub and was very happy with that. Lately since being without a Dom got awhile I've gone of subbing and just want some pain play. I think I'm finding the edge play that comes with subbing a turn off rather than a turn on like on the past.
 
Missy Myers said:
For the last two years I thought of myself as a sub and was very happy with that. Lately since being without a Dom got awhile I've gone of subbing and just want some pain play. I think I'm finding the edge play that comes with subbing a turn off rather than a turn on like on the past.
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An interesting post Miss Meyers,
I had a similar change. When I met my Mistress I was very subby and enjoyed trying lots of new things but hated emotional distancing in play. We were not quite full time RL in the scene but spent days at a time.
Over years I've grown emotionally and now only like sub play as play, and don't enjoy nipple play as much as I used to.

Not sure what you mean by edge play?
 
Blankface said:
Interested in hearing your experiences. After some experimentation it isn't for my gf.
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There are a few aspects where your gf could be reluctant ... Can you say more about that?

I first asked my reluctant wife by showing her a video of Salon Kitty's (now closed) but at a bad time. We tried some spanking and tying to the bed and even some fantasy scenes in a hotel and it was ok while it was just the two of us.

Her turn offs were more about:
What would other people think if they knew?​

it's wrong to be turned on by 'naughty' things;

If I went to a play party to see what it's about it would be the thin end of the wedge and I might be coerced into sex in a crowded room (I don't trust you to keep me safe)

Dislike pain in spanking.
​
I was also an amateur at spanking. Professionals know how to titilate and tease and arouse and set you up to feel like a good spanking is just what is needed. They know where and how hard to hit to make it feel sexy or controlling etc.

There is a very different feel to a scene when it's in a dungeon or at a play party with others in skimpy costumes or leathers etc than in your (possibly messy) bedroom at home.

If she's willing, perhaps a visit to a local house that specialises during "open days" or try some bondasage with Ally - light play in with erotic massage.
 
I have had a single moment were I questioned my submissive nature. I was in a scene, and had a flashback to a previous sexual abuse. It waa far from sexually arousing, it made me feel sick, dissociate and have to have a break.
But it made me question why i wanted to be hurt, abused and used. Was it a result of my past? Or a personal preference id always had?

It made me question a lot of things about myself, and made me feel like a product of my abuse and not my own person

But then i realised i love that i am submissive. I love that im a masochist. I love that i love making people feel good
If it is a result of the things that have happened to me, who cares? I like these parts of me; figuring this all out made me feel stronger and less damaged by the things from my past, but proud i survived and came out the beautiful, little slut I am!
 
Ariel Dilyn said:
I have had a single moment were I questioned my submissive nature. I was in a scene, and had a flashback to a previous sexual abuse. It waa far from sexually arousing, it made me feel sick, dissociate and have to have a break.
But it made me question why i wanted to be hurt, abused and used. Was it a result of my past? Or a personal preference id always had?

It made me question a lot of things about myself, and made me feel like a product of my abuse and not my own person

But then i realised i love that i am submissive. I love that im a masochist. I love that i love making people feel good
If it is a result of the things that have happened to me, who cares? I like these parts of me; figuring this all out made me feel stronger and less damaged by the things from my past, but proud i survived and came out the beautiful, little slut I am!
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A powerful and shocking awakening....

But what a beautiful expression of self- acceptance! Power exchange can be a gift to a loved one, so I find it more about that, than wanting to be hurt. If it didn't mean something to my partner, it would be needless pain.

Part of me enjoys erotic aspects of exhibitionism, experimentation and spanking.

My earliest erotic memory was as a 5 yo in grade 1 being threatened, along with the rest of the class, by the teacher with having my pants pulled down in front of everyone and being caned in front of the class. A tingly part of me wondered what that would feel like. ;-)
 
I have a lot of different kinks. I just love making people feel great and giving them their fantasies. If that means i am their sub, cool. If that means im their dom for the night, thats cool. I get so much pleasure out of making dreams and fantasies reality for both sides of the spectrum
 
Ariel Dilyn said:
I have a lot of different kinks. I just love making people feel great and giving them their fantasies. If that means i am their sub, cool. If that means im their dom for the night, thats cool. I get so much pleasure out of making dreams and fantasies reality for both sides of the spectrum
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Ahh! Like the Kinky Fairy Godmother Ariel !

What a personally rewarding way to choose to see things.

I've had thoughts from time to time of offering a service where we make people's long held dreams come true ( sexual or more mundane). You're already doing this - great.
 
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