Differences in Libido, does it mean its ok for a guy to visit a w/l or is it still cheating?

[Twistie]

Hi Groovers,

interested in getting your feedback on an issue that affects me personally and one i suspect many on here can relate too.

I love my partner but our libidos are at opposite ends of the spectrum. I need to cum daily but for her once a week or fortnight is enough. We have a healthy sex life (using toys etc etc) but i just have to have sex everyday. Either i have a high libido or a physiological problem..or both.

My question is, if i love my partner but grapple with my high sex drive, is it ok to satisfy the urge by visiting a w/l or finding a f/buddy whilst at the same time fulfilling my home duties? Is the search for pleasure and happiness i the bedroom allowed or am i faced with the reality of self pleasure for the rest of my days!

Would appreciate the thoughts of both guys and gals on this one.

xxx Twistie

 

[Naughty Thoughts]

If this (difference in libido) has been discussed with your partner before, then I'd say you'd need to talk to her about it. She may be supportive (and possibly relieved) about offloading your offloading to someone else to take care of.

On the other hand, if you say "I want to see working ladies" out of the blue, then she may freak and get majorly upset.

If you are going behind her back then it is definitly cheating and wrong because you have a moral responsibility to let her know what risks she is exposed to by you visiting other people. If she is happy with that then there isn't a problem. But if something goes wrong and you pick up a VD and then pass it on to her, what kind of a person does that make you?

You may also find a lifestyle change may help. If you have excess energy, you might find it beneficial to burn it off with lots of exercise and cold showers. You'd decrease your need for sex and get fitter at the same time - you both win. Diet may also be a factor. Both of those are things you may need to speak to a doctor / specialist about.

It may also be worth the effort of having a few sessions with a psychologist. Most people associate talking to a psychologist with something being terribly wrong, but it can be helpful to speak to someone with experience. In the old days, this would have been an aunt/uncle or a grandparent, but families have gotten more distant and a professional stranger might be easier to speak to.

 

[Twistie]

sage advice indeed lone road,,,,appreciate your candour

 

[Twistie]

I would like to add the following as i believe its important.

Would you visit a w/l to save your marriage? If the difference in libido is untenable but the rest of the relationship is sound, do you take seek the arms of another woman (in a purely physical sense) to protect the relationship or is that line of thought so shallow and naive that i am just kidding myself?

 

[Miranda Fox]

hi Twistie,
I have read your post and would like to say that (sorry don't know your age ) many men over 45years or over 55 years do
Visit w/l / escorts whether it is to save their marriage or to keep their sex drive Happy.

The choice is yours

 

[Twistie]

Hi Miranda,
mid 40's here. I have heard this is fairly common, especially with some women experiencing a lower sex drive due to menopause.

It really is a vexing and moral issue, when one is committing adultery but satisfying their own urges to protect a long term relationship. I have had a high libido since i was 13 and it is showing no signs of slowing down whatsoever!

 

[Master Yoda]

Hi Twistie

Here's something. Even if right and wrong existed, your right and your wrong will differ from that of others. So, while we all enjoy each others company in discussions, look within.

Let go of right and wrong and investigate the APPROPRIATENESS of your considered actions. See every possible outcome from the perceptions of yourself and all others involved. Then with clarity you may want to make an informed descision.

I like what was said earlier. If appropriate in this situation, discuss openly with your partner. However, consider all possible outcomes before doing that as well. That act may carry as much energy as seeing a WL undiscussed.

 

[Miranda Fox]

Hey Twistie,
To protect your marriage
To keep your sex drive Happy

Just do it ! ( Love Nike's saying )

See an escort ( no one needs to know as Shania Twain says )
okay
You make the choice Who
and visit them
Get a mobile ph prepaid and keep it hidden - use it for secret times

Hope that helps you
xxx

 

[Fudd]

Hey Twistie,
To protect your marriage To keep your sex drive Happy

Just do it ! ( Love Nike's saying )

See an escort ( no one needs to know as Shania Twain says ) okay You make the choice Who and visit them Get a mobile ph prepaid and keep it hidden - use it for secret times

...love ya thinking, Miranda.....yabba dabba doo (fred flinstone)....lol

Fudd

 

[Naughty Thoughts]

Just do it !

At the risk of being marginalised, I'd point out that you have a financial interest in Twistie seeking the services of working ladies, which would make your advice a conflict of interest...

Hee hee, I kid, I kid - no offence intended.

When I've found myself faced with a difficult situation that involved another person, I turn the tables and ask myself what I would do if the situation was reversed. In my case, if I had a lower libido but my partner wanted it a lot, then I'd be fine with them seeking satisfaction with another - their happiness would be high on my priority list.

However, I'd want to know about it. I'd feel a greater sense of loss and betrayal if my partner went behind my back and didn't feel they could be open enough with me to tell me that something was wrong. Keep in mind that that's how I feel about it and your partner probably feels differently.

 

[Master Yoda]

At the risk of being marginalised, I'd point out that you have a financial interest in Twistie seeking the services of working ladies, which would make your advice a conflict of interest...

Hee hee, I kid, I kid - no offence intended.

When I've found myself faced with a difficult situation that involved another person, I turn the tables and ask myself what I would do if the situation was reversed. In my case, if I had a lower libido but my partner wanted it a lot, then I'd be fine with them seeking satisfaction with another - their happiness would be high on my priority list.

However, I'd want to know about it. I'd feel a greater sense of loss and betrayal if my partner went behind my back and didn't feel they could be open enough with me to tell me that something was wrong. Keep in mind that that's how I feel about it and your partner probably feels differently.

I acknowledge your statement Lonewolf. When one silences thoughts and calmly searches ones feelings, presence ascends very quickly. In that state, awareness on ones self and others give great insights. Just being aware of the perception of others can solve this problem as well as many other dormant ones.

The old sayings are the beauties, "how would you feel if you were in his/hers/their shoes.

May the Force be with You

 

[Master Yoda]

That's Loan Road, not lonewolf. My apologies.

 

[Busababe]

Hi,
Just a thought but what about both of you getting a bit extra together? I finally found a man as horny as I am so we are both lucky. We have an awesome sex life and a great marraige. We enjoy attending swingers clubs, parties and entertaining more private guests as well. The point is everyone may win. You will get the sex you want and you may find that it increases your wifes libido. Certainly works for us!
As for WL my husband felt driven to that in his last marraige. He found it very difficult to "confess" this to me before we married. I would hate to think that my husband was so unhappy and unheard in our marraige that he had to pay someone to take care of him.
He could have had an affair but is not the cheating type. He felt that it a WL was a business arrangement, therefore less of a "sin". The sin was that he needed to do this in the first place.
I think you must talk to your wife very honestly. If she doesnt know exactly what your needs are then how can she work with you to meet them?
Honesty is ALWAYS the best way.
Best of luck.

 

[Tannerone]

I've read some of your dribble on a few threads man. Who do you think you are? Dalai fucken lama?

Please don't be so rude. You don't know Master Yoda (and neither do I), so for all you know, he may well be the Dalai Lama, although I doubt it.

Many of his posts do actually contain some very good advice if you take the time to read and properly digest them.

If you can't make any constructive comment, then I respectfully suggest that you don't post anything.

 

[goodthanks2009]

Everyone is crapping on about feelings and this and that...your cheating if your partner doesnt know about it! End of story.
Mate im as horny as the next guy your on here trying to validate a reason to cheat!

If your libido is so high then you probably have a very high testosterone level and my advice for that is get in the gym!!!! use that natural test to get some kick ass muscle growth.

So the answer your looking for is YES your are a cheater if she doesn't know high libido or not!
Sorry mate.

 

[AlexandraSilk]

A previous partner of mine had a low sex drive. It does cause problems.

That's were working ladies can come into the equation. I believe most woman would prefer their man visited a professional to have their needs met, rather then become emotionally involved with another woman.

If I couldn't satisfy my man I would understand if he was to visit a working lady. Though, I've never had the problem of being unable to satisfy my man.


Alexandra

 

[Busababe]

Goodthanks2009 I totally agree. Its never going to be smooth sailing all the way, work it out! If she doesnt know you are doing it then its cheating and cheating is NEVER ok, whether you are paying for the sex or not.
I know first hand how much devestation and agony cheating causes. I have a very high sex drive and my ex husband used that as an excuse to cheat! He wanted a woman who was less demanding! Now he has no demands on him at all and I have found a man who can keep up!
I guess it comes down to how comitted and in love you are.

 

[Perth boy]

Yes it is cheating if you dont tell your partner.

In my first marrage a long time ago had similar problem and found myself with a nice young lass on the side that I was seeing on and off for about 8 years. I ended up falling for this girl am now married to her but its been hell with the first wife she is still on my case today 15 years later.

I have the sex problem with her now that we are a lot older same as you great when we do it but its only every few weeks. I will not find another partner as I love this girl shes my best friend. I have been to a W/L but only 3 over the past 5 years or so.

My answer is R&T. Its safe wont catch anything and if you do get caught its only R&T.
I have been to a R&T place in the city for the past few years and most of the time see the same girl Mia. I go most weeks. The other times I see mrs parmer.