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Becoming bi curious

S

Sniper83

I had an encounter with a friend when I was young...
I lived with him and his mother when I was 18 (30 now), I walked in on him jerking off, he had a magnificent cock. I went to walk out of the room, fairly embarrassed, he said "you don't have to leave", I stood there and watched him for a minute then I heard the front door and knew it was his mum so I bailed out of the room.
Since then I've had a fascination with cocks other than my own, I want to hold one, maybe even feel one in my mouth, I get very horny thinking about it, but as yet I haven't physically done anything about my secret.
I am in a relationship with a gorgeous girl, we have been together for 10 years (getting married this year) and have 2 young kids together (4 & 1 yo).
Our sex life is still good but not what it used to be, that happens when you have kids I guess. Here's the problem, I don't want to cheat to get what I want. It sucks, I hate monogamy and the way society has forced it upon us.
I'd love to fuck other women, however, I have found it easier to find men who want to play around, I've been on several dating sites and most women don't want a nsa one night stand, where as I can find heaps of guys that want mutual oral, or a wank buddy etc. I don't want to have anal with a guy, just everything else.
I know, I'm an arsehole right. No, I'm a man with a high sex drive and the natural urge to spread wild oats.
I don't want to hurt my girl, or lose her and my kids if I did something and she found out, so I'm trapped.
I come home from work at night when everyone is sleeping and I jerk off via webcam in front of other guys, can't seem to find women who will cyber sex without wanting money for it.
Anyway, that's my issue, I get some relief writing this and someone else knowing about it, I wish I could get my girl to want to do a group thing but I know she isn't into it, yes I've asked and she got the shits pretty bad, she gets upset if I look at porn too.
What do I do??
Thanks for reading
 
Hi sniper

Firstly, thanks for sharing and be assured that any and I mean any subject can be discussed here and will be accepted without judgement.

I can understand your situation, somewhat, as curiosity is natural and our restrictive society is and does put so many limits on what is acceptable behaviour.

I think all young people go through a discovery period in their lives and it is only as they grow older and conform more to society that they feel guilty about natural feelings.

Although I have not personally wanted to experiment with exactly this activity, I have often wondered what it would be like to visit a TS lady. This would give you the opportunity to have a play and still enjoy the feminine side. A sort of halfway house, as it were. It may be an idea and a way to satisfy your bi curious interest.
 
Ts girls would be my preference, probably should have mentioned that, I like the type that you can't tell they have a cock. The 6ft, bulging Adam's apple type don't really do it for me. I think that's another reason I haven't done anything yet. Most of the guys I interact with on the net are older, and while I find it easy to do things with them via webcam, I think that in person I really wouldn't be into it, I'd like someone really fit, my own age or younger if I were to do something. I also find that beautiful ts girls are in high demand. It's weird, I have high standards when it comes to guys and ts girls id play with but when it comes to women my standards are more relaxed.
 
Hmm!! Sniper, I think I know where you are coming from.

Marriage can sometimes seem like a trap and the grass always looks greener elsewhere but you have built something valuable with your wife, and a lot of "carefree" bachelors would eagerly swap places with you.

Everything in life comes with a price tag attached and sometimes the highest costs do not have a dollar sign in front of them. Marry a lady, start a family and you give up your "freedom". Start seeing W.L.s or cheating and you not only give up money (which could be spent on your family) but, quite possibly, put your mariage and all your accumulated goods and chattels on the line. We all have a conscience and cheating will not lift your self-esteem. You have to shave that face every morning. Will you like what you see or will that little voice in the back of your head say "you lying, cheating $#@*** ?. Something like that will, over time, burn holes in you.

As to the porn ,yes, most women don't "get" it so best to keep that discreet and remember to clear your browser cache and history after a session. (Hint: Firefox can be set not to retain history).

As to the gay curiosity that is something we all go through at some stage and even though I am straight I sometimes stray onto gay porn sites, albeit with more interest in the photography side than sexual feelings so I doubt you are alone in this.

My advice, for what it is worth is put some time, effort and money into your marriage. Remember, your wife is just as "trapped" as you are, with littlies around probably more so so show her the support she needs and let her know she still matters. Offload the kids onto rellies and take your lady away for an indulgent weekend or even just a night and see if you can rediscover what you originally saw in each other.

In all probablity living out your fantasies will not only be disappointing , it could cost you far more than it is worth.
 
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Maybe you should buy your wife a strap on and use it on her for double penetration or long term fucking when you have cum and gone done and she may still be horney. You could do this for a while before broaching the subject of your fantasy - I agree with Svengali that the grass looks greener on the other side and also the fact that if you stray too far she will notice and may start to stray too - then it is all over red rover...I don't really know though.....I guess your conscience and intuition will guide you...good luck.
 
What about the girls that will do a strap on service. That might be worth a go
 
Well, he did say he wasn't interested in anal. And I figure he'd find sucking on a strap-on as fulfilling as looking at a picture of food instead of eating.

Putting aside all the moral issues, seems like what you are after is a wank buddy. I imagine most gay guys would want penetrative sex which you aren't after. I wouldn't have thought finding a guy after similar things would be that hard.
 
estafarr said:
Maybe you should buy your wife a strap on and use it on her for double penetration or long term f**king when you have cum and gone done and she may still be horney. You could do this for a while before broaching the subject of your fantasy - I agree with Svengali that the grass looks greener on the other side and also the fact that if you stray too far she will notice and may start to stray too - then it is all over red rover...I don't really know though.....I guess your conscience and intuition will guide you...good luck.
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Yeah - I guess I read it wrong - I think Naughty Thoughts has you covered - good luck - don't sweat the small stuff.
 
I suppose with the missus situation, you can always put the shoe on the other foot: would you be pleased if she was of exploring her fantasies with other people behind your back?
 
Most logical question..ask her about a fmm... And go from there...
Now I'm not bi, but my gal gets turn on when I lick and suck her toy after it's been inside her.. I go all out like doing oral...
Try that and see what her response is..and work from there...
 
Honestly i think you are in an unfortunate situation! It sounds like you are doing everything you can to be true to yourself whilst being true to your wife and kids aswell- the catch 22 is is that if you ignore your own needs you will eventually end up being unhappy no matter how honourable your intentions! How open minded is your wife?? have you actually tried explaining your predicament like you have on this forum and instead of trying to solve your problem on your own solving it as a couple?? Have you tried strap-ons? They can get pretty realistic these days??? Im not married myself so it is pretty hard to put myself in your shoes however i am bisexual and i know both needs NEED to be met! I have also explored sex with both men and woman in previous relationships and it is a huge turn on and sexual satisfaction to see your partner that happy! I try to live my life by the motto of 'honesty is the best policy'-its not easy i must say- but in the end karma rewards you! You never know you may be able to respark that buzz you had in the beginning with your wife by being totally explicit with her! She should at the very least respect you for it because it would be an extremely brave move!! you know best its your life but from the experience i have had talking to men coming to see me in this industry the road you are on at the moment isn't sounding like too much fun!
Good Luck sweetheart no matter what you decide xxx
 
Well reading your post & the posts follwing seems a few maybe have misunderstood where your coming from or perhaps i have... you have no desire, from reading your post that you aren't interested in being on the recieving end of anal (being a bottom) is this correct & if so the strap on service would be no use i would think...
Being a Gay male myself & having been involved in many focus groups within multiple Gay & Lesbian community groups & service providers, I have listened to many a story of how NOT acting on a overwelming urge to "jump the fence" momentarily may in its self become detremental to a relationship. Acting on the urge behind your partners back to as we all know is fraught with problems also, let alone being found out but feelings of guilt, shame etc after the act...
I have a couple of guys i know from around the traps who are happily married & are able to on occassions have a bit of fun with other guys with the approval of their wife. I have been in the position in the past to ask one of these wives how does it work? Are you happy for him to see other women? To which i recieved a loud NO! The particular lady i had asked didnt see him playing around with another male as cheating just acting on a harmless urge it didnt mean he loved her less in fact she said it made him love her more as she didn't restrict him in what she saw as a natural & in her case harmless urge. He just had to agree to abide by a few rules (safe sex, never in the family home etc) They have been happily married for almost 45 yrs
Now i dont in anyway pretend to know how this situation should be handled but i believe communication is the key in every aspect of a relationship especially the hard stuff. It seems you have a solid relationship with your partner one of trust & understanding but i also understand this subject isn't the easiest to bring up either
A tough predicament indeed...
I dont know if you & your partner watch porn but perhaps a sly comment here or there whilst watching some might be a way to approach the subject...
 
First of all I'm not married, yet. Secondly, I don't want anything in my bum, strap ons are off the cards.
My partner is fairly close minded sexually, and is insecure that's why she hates me watching porn. I honestly think that voicing my thoughts on this matter would be bad for the relationship. We have been together for 10 years, long story but she wasn't very well behaved in the past, she did cheat on me, and I've caught her having emotional affairs with guys on social media. We do have great sex together, I love it, she's loves it, but with 2 kids it doesn't happen as frequently as it used to, I have a high sex drive, I want it at least twice a day. I love her to bits but still hold some bitterness for her actions in the past, we have had some professional help for it but that was a waste of money, my feelings didn't change at all. In the back of my mind I feel that if I did do something with someone else without her knowing I'd be making things even without hurting her
 
Sniper83 said:
First of all I'm not married, yet. Secondly, I don't want anything in my bum, strap ons are off the cards.
My partner is fairly close minded sexually, and is insecure that's why she hates me watching porn. I honestly think that voicing my thoughts on this matter would be bad for the relationship. We have been together for 10 years, long story but she wasn't very well behaved in the past, she did cheat on me, and I've caught her having emotional affairs with guys on social media. We do have great sex together, I love it, she's loves it, but with 2 kids it doesn't happen as frequently as it used to, I have a high sex drive, I want it at least twice a day. I love her to bits but still hold some bitterness for her actions in the past, we have had some professional help for it but that was a waste of money, my feelings didn't change at all. In the back of my mind I feel that if I did do something with someone else without her knowing I'd be making things even without hurting her
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Well that seems to be sorted in your mind - good luck with it - it seems difficult and seems like she has unfulfilled fantasies too....so be careful.
 
Nothing is sorted in my mind, I'm tormented by my thoughts. I thought that anonymously posting my grievances in a place like this might help, but I feel like I'm being shamed and judged.
 
Sniper83 said:
First of all I'm not married, yet. Secondly, I don't want anything in my bum, strap ons are off the cards.
My partner is fairly close minded sexually, and is insecure that's why she hates me watching porn. I honestly think that voicing my thoughts on this matter would be bad for the relationship. We have been together for 10 years, long story but she wasn't very well behaved in the past, she did cheat on me, and I've caught her having emotional affairs with guys on social media. We do have great sex together, I love it, she's loves it, but with 2 kids it doesn't happen as frequently as it used to, I have a high sex drive, I want it at least twice a day. I love her to bits but still hold some bitterness for her actions in the past, we have had some professional help for it but that was a waste of money, my feelings didn't change at all. In the back of my mind I feel that if I did do something with someone else without her knowing I'd be making things even without hurting her
Click to expand...

Hi Sniper

I am not going to comment on others' comments. This reply is for you and me.

Surprisingly, or not, I think I may understand you situation. I can't ,of course, feel what you are feeling, but I am and have been in a similar situation for some time and so may be in a position to offer comment, or an ear to your predicament. The last thing I want to do, or be perceived as doing, is judging you.

I, too, am in a relationship that is short on sex. I, too, have a high sex drive and twice a day seems just about right to me. I, too, caught my partner having an emotional affair with a guy online. The only difference with me is that I don't have great sex with my partner. A few times a year has about been my average and only then if I push it.

I, too, like to experiment, but I have experimented where you have only considered it. There have been the inevitable feelings of guilt and shame, but my experimentation has included BDSM, so I have received my punishment and enjoyed it immensely.

What I have done is made a conscious effort to separate my experimentation from my normal life. My mind holds the two things apart. The experimentation and experiences outside the home fulfill my desires, while having little impact on home life. The result is therefore twofold. I can satisfy my physical needs while not adversely affecting my emotional needs, or those of my partner. It doesn't mean I love her less. It is my decision and commitment to be with her and that wont change; particularly as my physical needs are being met and my frustration is appeased.

I honestly can't comment on the guy thing, as I haven't been there, but I can understand the interest. As I said earlier, you may want to consider a TS girl. I understand the most, if not all, have perfectly functional equipment and no one is going to force anal on you, or expect it from you. You just get to spend time with them and explore all you want. Being ex guys, they will know exactly how to satisfy you and I think you would be surprised how impressively some of these girls are equipped.

I am also sure that there will be other guys out there, or on here, that would be available just for mutual masturbation. Nothing wrong with that.

I hope this has helped, or even let you know that there are others of us that have problems in their lives that are not easy to solve without the possibility of causing our partners some concern.

Let us know how you go. OK?
 
Sniper83 said:
Ts girls would be my preference, probably should have mentioned that, I like the type that you can't tell they have a cock. The 6ft, bulging Adam's apple type don't really do it for me. I think that's another reason I haven't done anything yet. Most of the guys I interact with on the net are older, and while I find it easy to do things with them via webcam, I think that in person I really wouldn't be into it, I'd like someone really fit, my own age or younger if I were to do something. I also find that beautiful ts girls are in high demand. It's weird, I have high standards when it comes to guys and ts girls id play with but when it comes to women my standards are more relaxed.
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Sniper83 appreciate your honesty and openness on the forum. Great read
If you would like an encounter with another male no strings and no anal may I suggest this pace in northbridge called " Steam works" it's a gentle mans club so I have not been in there as I'm not allowed due to their policies being men only. However they do have a website so google it and check it out. It might be what you are looking for.
 
Spikey said:
Hi Sniper

I am not going to comment on others' comments. This reply is for you and me.

Surprisingly, or not, I think I may understand you situation. I can't ,of course, feel what you are feeling, but I am and have been in a similar situation for some time and so may be in a position to offer comment, or an ear to your predicament. The last thing I want to do, or be perceived as doing, is judging you.

I, too, am in a relationship that is short on sex. I, too, have a high sex drive and twice a day seems just about right to me. I, too, caught my partner having an emotional affair with a guy online. The only difference with me is that I don't have great sex with my partner. A few times a year has about been my average and only then if I push it.

I, too, like to experiment, but I have experimented where you have only considered it. There have been the inevitable feelings of guilt and shame, but my experimentation has included BDSM, so I have received my punishment and enjoyed it immensely.

What I have done is made a conscious effort to separate my experimentation from my normal life. My mind holds the two things apart. The experimentation and experiences outside the home fulfill my desires, while having little impact on home life. The result is therefore twofold. I can satisfy my physical needs while not adversely affecting my emotional needs, or those of my partner. It doesn't mean I love her less. It is my decision and commitment to be with her and that wont change; particularly as my physical needs are being met and my frustration is appeased.

I honestly can't comment on the guy thing, as I haven't been there, but I can understand the interest. As I said earlier, you may want to consider a TS girl. I understand the most, if not all, have perfectly functional equipment and no one is going to force anal on you, or expect it from you. You just get to spend time with them and explore all you want. Being ex guys, they will know exactly how to satisfy you and I think you would be surprised how impressively some of these girls are equipped.

I am also sure that there will be other guys out there, or on here, that would be available just for mutual masturbation. Nothing wrong with that.

I hope this has helped, or even let you know that there are others of us that have problems in their lives that are not easy to solve without the possibility of causing our partners some concern.

Let us know how you go. OK?
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Thanks for your reply, much appreciated
 
lola said:
Sniper83 appreciate your honesty and openness on the forum. Great read
If you would like an encounter with another male no strings and no anal may I suggest this pace in northbridge called " Steam works" it's a gentle mans club so I have not been in there as I'm not allowed due to their policies being men only. However they do have a website so google it and check it out. It might be what you are looking for.
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I looked that up, it's in WA, I'm in NSW
:( thanks anyway
 
Sniper83 said:
Nothing is sorted in my mind, I'm tormented by my thoughts. I thought that anonymously posting my grievances in a place like this might help, but I feel like I'm being shamed and judged.
Click to expand...
Sorry if I made you feel that way - not my intention at all. I hope you work this out for yourself and have a good outcome for both you and your family
 
Sniper83 said:
First of all I'm not married, yet. Secondly, I don't want anything in my bum, strap ons are off the cards.
My partner is fairly close minded sexually, and is insecure that's why she hates me watching porn. I honestly think that voicing my thoughts on this matter would be bad for the relationship. We have been together for 10 years, long story but she wasn't very well behaved in the past, she did cheat on me, and I've caught her having emotional affairs with guys on social media. We do have great sex together, I love it, she's loves it, but with 2 kids it doesn't happen as frequently as it used to, I have a high sex drive, I want it at least twice a day. I love her to bits but still hold some bitterness for her actions in the past, we have had some professional help for it but that was a waste of money, my feelings didn't change at all. In the back of my mind I feel that if I did do something with someone else without her knowing I'd be making things even without hurting her
Click to expand...

I have just rocked up to Langtrees to start my shift & jumped on the forum to do my little catchup & have read yours & following posts in this thread.... In no way was my post intended toward making you feel like you needed to explain yourself or that I harbour a judgemental disposition in regards to the post, This is most definately not the case.. When I first read your post i recognised, or what i thought was, a situation similar to some people in my circle of friends & i thought you were having a "battle within" so i felt i needed to offer some words & experiences that perhaps would help... Now these words were tailored to the information i had @ the time from your post, as well as the situations of my friends, this was only how their Bi curious adventure wound up & in no way was advice or suggestion of what path you should take.....
This forum is a great place to broach all subjects, sexual or non sexual & everyone should feel comfortable in posting whats on their mind, with this it is a public forum & posting stories & observations in response to a thread or post can & may well be directed to the general pool of members to take from what they please as sometimes not all text is ment for one individual but for a general consensus
Anyway i hope it all goes well for you...
 
All I can say Sniper83 is to take on all the advice, weigh your options and when the time arises I'm sure you will decide when,where or if your thoughts/feelings materialise. BTW a great post for the forums.
 
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