Wife admits lack of sex caused the marriage breakup

Mrs Langtrees

Mrs Langtrees

Owner & Creator
Foundation Member
Points
501
Thats not completely the story woman get woven up with kids and work and forget their husband is human we are born to have sex its a necceasary item of living, yes as woman at times we lose interest and husbands dont want to force the issue if the couple cant find a compromise the marriage will break up xxxx
 
1steelrod

1steelrod

Diamond Member
Points
73
After reading the full post above. Even in just a friendly relationship when you start getting a No for a Little hug n kiss let alone sex you start to wonder why am I here . My last 2 year relationship ended like this. No . No no . When I left she complained that I didn't pay her enough attention. Err . Flowers. Gifts of gold bangles. Earrings. Pendents . Made the bed . Washed the dishes every night
Sweeped n mopped the floors . what more could I do to get sex . Err pay for it. That's how my last relationship ended. So this is the life I have now. Many years later she asked me to pay her a visit. Guess what the answer was . No . No entrapment here.
Why would I even bother.
As far as I am concerned now if I just hear a no . I go. No questions just go. I might be broke live a poor life but I know that there are many wonderful working girls who can make me happy for the short time I am with them as I come home and don't have to worry about being rejected in the bedroom.
 
Mrs Langtrees

Mrs Langtrees

Owner & Creator
Foundation Member
Points
501
Guys when woman have children many lose interest in sex for many years it was a birth control method for 1000 of years.It isnt there personal fault they just havent learnt to cope with all the changes. I know it ruins relationships but it is a fact of life, we are first animals and the protection of the seed becomes the most important thing in life, that means being mum. A lot of you blokes think its a easy job, its the most demanding job on this planet.
 
HookPsy

HookPsy

Gold Member
Points
49
Mrs Langtrees said:
Guys when woman have children many lose interest in sex for many years it was a birth control method for 1000 of years.It isnt there personal fault they just havent learnt to cope with all the changes. I know it ruins relationships but it is a fact of life, we are first animals and the protection of the seed becomes the most important thing in life, that means being mum. A lot of you blokes think its a easy job, its the most demanding job on this planet.
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Thing is ppl don't know how to micro manage their time, and women with their instincts care for their children are always forgetting the man in their lives have needs too. It doesn't have to be sex all the time, something that just enough to keep the spark of sexual interest in the man they choose to be with. Even if they feel tired a small gesture or attention goes a long way.

Man are physical beings that crave intimacy, having kids is similar to. Getting a girlfriend and getting awesome sex then breaking up ( kids), and staying only friends afterwards. And once a man loses that sexual interest in that women, thats it he becomes complacent out of convenience. When the children come into their lives thats when men don't realise they have just been friend-zoned for X number of years.

And when i say lose interest, there is no on switch anymore its gone. Even if she is naked infront of him doing crazy things, the man will not bat an eye. Just return the favour and say "that's nice dear", and go to the other room to watch footy.

This is why after the kids leave the house, problems arise with women trying to rekindle the sex. And fails in a bad way arguing. The man loves you, but just not in that way anymore. If a women can be in a sexless marriage after kids, they will be a whole lot happier. ( I forgot to add, this is where cougars come from 😜 🤣 )

Women don't realise they have brain washed and conditioned their man, to not want sex anymore after being told day after day year after year. I mean who could survive that and still be horny? For the women they fell in love with years ago?
 
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Rodo

Rodo

Jus lookin
Gold Member
Points
0
1steelrod said:
After reading the full post above. Even in just a friendly relationship when you start getting a No for a Little hug n kiss let alone sex you start to wonder why am I here . My last 2 year relationship ended like this. No . No no . When I left she complained that I didn't pay her enough attention. Err . Flowers. Gifts of gold bangles. Earrings. Pendents . Made the bed . Washed the dishes every night
Sweeped n mopped the floors . what more could I do to get sex . Err pay for it. That's how my last relationship ended. So this is the life I have now. Many years later she asked me to pay her a visit. Guess what the answer was . No . No entrapment here.
Why would I even bother.
As far as I am concerned now if I just hear a no . I go. No questions just go. I might be broke live a poor life but I know that there are many wonderful working girls who can make me happy for the short time I am with them as I come home and don't have to worry about being rejected in the bedroom.
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I can't even get a hand JOB from my bundle of joy (not) So it's WLs for me, got one I see regularly and she makes me happy!
 
baal6007

baal6007

Foundation Member
Points
10
I dont buy the whole "kids are so hard on women" argument these days. Society is demanding men do more and more in child rearing and house work which was traditionally handled by women. There's no excuse anymore, I pulled my weight for years on the kids front and also provided for the family and in the end got royally screwed over (not in the good way). I may be a bit jaded but I feel like women are out to take it all these days, at the expense of men who legitimately do the right thing.
 
Master Yoda

Master Yoda

“Your path you must decide.”
Legend Member
Points
56
What a great post and I have been reading this one with great interest.

Once upon a time I was in a marriage that was not lacking in sex. It was me that took interest in the variety of beautiful women in the industry and over indulged which gave the birth to my character Yoda. At the time I did not have the mental stimulation to have sex with my wife at the time. She was physically beautiful wanted sex a lot. After our chicks was born she was right back into it. Hell even in our transition into our separation she was wanting it. It stung a bit when the transition inevitable led to her wanting this with other men.

Was it my fault absolutely, was part of it her fault? I believe so, but after I was caught it was hard to defend my reasons. What triggered this?

Well, apart from sex there are many other factors that both parties need. We met in university and being a boy back then that was generally unsuccessful with girls in high school years and only has a handful of relationships and having had sex with only 2 women before entering into an 11 year relationship I did not know how to it was willing to consider the incompatibility in our personalities. Late in our relationship she was very controlling, she wanted to wear the pants in the relationship though I was not fighting to play that role. She was a hardcore feminist, while I was not chauvinistic (I didn’t even care about these concepts).

I would often find myself trapped in a relationship where I could not express myself without feeling unsafe. Like expressing that out sex routine had gone stale was met with massive aggression. Trying to have a conversation that was of my interest did not happen. When at a mall I was not accompanied to see things I liked, and 100% of the time I was bored in clothing stores and make up stands. Shopping is an example of something that became a very negative anchor.

I like people and company and she did not, so I was expected to go out less. When I did go out with my friends she Wally’s demand to know when I came home. So much so I would just not go.

Due to the past experiences of not hers but of her many sisters, she was accusative of me being unfaithful from the start. I believe I was a good boyfriend and husband. She was my number one priority. Even when the spark was gone I would love to buy flowers and set up a candlelit surprise for her with champagne and chocolate high heels etc.

So when I ever indulged with WLs the sex was great. Those who have been around a long time here would know I did ok. But what was I craving? The company and the stimulating conversation. And when I was seeing WLs regularly and blurring boundaries and they let me into their personal lives it got really confusing.

Now she and I are barely on speaking terms and there is a whole story behind that. But one good thing came out of this I would not want to change. My son is not fast growing into a man that I am so proud of.

It is late and I will proof read this later. I’d like to tell a part 2 to this which is my current marriage. Between then and now I have had disaster relationships with WLs and transitioned into not punting but picking up and meeting women not of the industry, and did so with reasonable success.

Where am I now? In a place that is even more curious and interesting.
 
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mrys

mrys

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Points
1,441
There is definitely a Mars v's Venus at work in every relationship, married or not. A man's ancient programming is to spread his seed and ensure his DNA survives. A Woman's ancient programming is to find a man with DNA that will compliment her own and produce fine, survivable offspring. In long ago times a women has also sought a man who can provide for and protect the family to improve the chances of continuity and improvement of the bloodline. It was all about survival and natural selection. Modern society and a list of endless ephemeral wants has f*cked with that. I'm all for equality in every respect but I think we've lost the plot a bit. DV is one of many abhorrent outcomes from people who are confused about their roles and responsibilities in a relationship. We can't go back but we do need to find a way of sustaining meaningful relationships, where everyone feels valued, respected and loved. Going back to the topic, A man will always want sex, that's his ancient programming, many women once they have completed their biological task will start to shut down sexually, every dad has seen the pressure mums are under......and then there's menopause. Long term relationships are never going to be easy but clearly we want them because we still try to have them. Very few of us give up on finding a soulmate.
 
Jack1666

Jack1666

Gold Member
Points
7
mrys said:
There is definitely a Mars v's Venus at work in every relationship, married or not. A man's ancient programming is to spread his seed and ensure his DNA survives. A Woman's ancient programming is to find a man with DNA that will compliment her own and produce fine, survivable offspring. In long ago times a women has also sought a man who can provide for and protect the family to improve the chances of continuity and improvement of the bloodline. It was all about survival and natural selection. Modern society and a list of endless ephemeral wants has f*cked with that. I'm all for equality in every respect but I think we've lost the plot a bit. DV is one of many abhorrent outcomes from people who are confused about their roles and responsibilities in a relationship. We can't go back but we do need to find a way of sustaining meaningful relationships, where everyone feels valued, respected and loved. Going back to the topic, A man will always want sex, that's his ancient programming, many women once they have completed their biological task will start to shut down sexually, every dad has seen the pressure mums are under......and then there's menopause. Long term relationships are never going to be easy but clearly we want them because we still try to have them. Very few of us give up on finding a soulmate.
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"A man's ancient programming is to spread his seed"

Even if he just spreads it to the winds :)
 
mrys

mrys

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Points
1,441
Jack1666 said:
"A man's ancient programming is to spread his seed"

Even if he just spreads it to the winds :)
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I'm not sure taking one line from my post is fair, something about being out of context perhaps..........But if it works for you so be it :)
 
Bambi

Bambi

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I'd like to know, were they having special date nights? doing things to re-connect and be away from kids and stresses of life?
 
Lingus

Lingus

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Points
175
Bambi White said:
I'd like to know, were they having special date nights? doing things to re-connect and be away from kids and stresses of life?
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It seems that Sara thought her marriage was still solidly connected, regardless of her feelings about physical intimacy following the birth of their third child ...


"By now we’d been together almost two decades; Graham was my best friend. I never worried he would leave me because we were that strong couple.

Two years after that horrific birth I was 42, a size 16, perimenopausal and feeling desperately unattractive.

After my previous pregnancies, I’d lost the baby weight. Now? Well, I simply couldn’t bear to look at myself in the mirror.

Each time I’ve breastfed the children we’ve slept in separate rooms, but this time I didn’t want Graham back in our bedroom. I refused to let him see me undressed.

He kept trying to be affectionate and initiate sex, but I’d push him away rather brutally. I can’t imagine how that routine rejection must have felt, but I genuinely couldn’t bear the thought of it.

And no I didn’t seek help. I just assumed Graham accepted how I felt, and that this was the new normal between us as a married couple."
 
grzegorzp@aussiebroadband.com.

grzegorzp@aussiebroadband.com.

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I feel for too long now we concentrated on "close" relationship etc , we have been forced to think that this is the only way - having a partner is great, to love each other super but does it really need to extend to the point where you can only have a physical activity with that one person- and it goes for both sexes - just my thought
 
Master Yoda

Master Yoda

“Your path you must decide.”
Legend Member
Points
56
Bambi White said:
I'd like to know, were they having special date nights? doing things to re-connect and be away from kids and stresses of life?
Click to expand...
That’s a very important part of a long term relationship. Like everything, effort is required or that like everything can fade and wane
 
Master Yoda

Master Yoda

“Your path you must decide.”
Legend Member
Points
56
grzegorzp@aussiebroadband.com. said:
I feel for too long now we concentrated on "close" relationship etc , we have been forced to think that this is the only way - having a partner is great, to love each other super but does it really need to extend to the point where you can only have a physical activity with that one person- and it goes for both sexes - just my thought
Click to expand...

In an ideal world both patterns understanding by this and to be secure enough to do this would be great.

I tried this and I had challenges
 
WildBrumby

WildBrumby

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Just a train of thought. If a marriage breaks up for lack of sex, was it possible the marriage didn’t start with a more solid foundation? Was it shallow based on purely physical attraction? There are also marriages based on wealth that break up if the wealth starts running dry.
 
mrys

mrys

Legend Member
Points
1,441
WildBrumby said:
Just a train of thought. If a marriage breaks up for lack of sex, was it possible the marriage didn’t start with a more solid foundation? Was it shallow based on purely physical attraction? There are also marriages based on wealth that break up if the wealth starts running dry.
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That's very true. There is a big difference between infatuation and love. I would like to think those mistakes occur most often in the young, but I'm living proof that boomers are not immune to stupidity!
 
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