What is Wrong with Women?

[swingingstories]

Hi everyone,

I realise that this is a controversial thread title, please let me explain before it becomes open season.

I have been reading the threads here for almost a year now and there is a common problem that keeps cropping up. Various men have written in with similar but specific stories about wives of long years who are no longer, or haven't been for a long time, interested in physical intimacy.

Now being the trusting kind that I am, I give the benefit of the doubt to these guys that they have tried to be loving and supportive of their wives through the early years after childbirth etc and take at face value that these women just think that you can block off one form of marital sharing and yet their marriage will be fine.

I'm not yet cynical enough to suggest that these men are merely trying to justify cheating.

If this is true, I don't understand women at all (and I am one). Now I have been through one marriage breakdown and I am in a six year relationship now that is successful (so far). One thing I have learned is that no matter how much love, no matter how compatible, you still have to work at it.

Women are only too quick to insist that husbands pull their socks up if they don't help around the house, or get counselling if they have anger management issues. Women run off to the doctor if they have a pain here or there, they take preventative health care seriously, and yet otherwise intelligent and whole women are denying sex to their husbands en-masse and thinking that their husband's just have to accept that. What's more they think their marriages will just survive.

I just find it so difficult to understand a woman who will not work with her husband to find a solution to a problem that puts a strain on the success of their marriage.

Sorry if this doesn't make any sense, and I mean not to offend any of the fine women on this board who obviously do not fall into the above category.

Love
swingingstories

 

[Miranda Fox]

Swingingstories,
Here here, I agree with you.
I'm a private Escort who has travelled around Australia.
No matter where I have been, some of the men who come to see me are Married.
Hey thats fine, but one scenario is - if their wives kept their husband happy at home in the bedroom. Then just maybe he would not have to pay for sex, intimacy, someone to touch and cuddle up to and kiss etc.
Do you get my drift here ?

Last year I was interviewed by a Newspaper and said that very comment in the article. Well for over the next month in the Write to the Editor section, a number of Wives wrote in complaining, even some men did too - about an escort being available in the country.

Good point you have made swingingstories.

 

[someguy]

Swingingstories,
Hey thats fine, but one scenario is - if their wives kept their husband happy at home in the bedroom. Then just maybe he would not have to pay for sex, intimacy, someone to touch and cuddle up to and kiss etc.
Do you get my drift here ?

For some men that would be the case but others would still feel the need to visit escorts no matter what.

 

[CShane]

For some men that would be the case but others would still feel the need to visit escorts no matter what.

Here Here! Totally agree with that statement....

 

[TemptMe]

Yes a can of worms here for sure lol....I think it is unfair and unjustified to make blanket type comments. I know of many women that work hard at their marriages/relationships which includes the intimacy in the bedroom. It is a two way street and as such both parties must communicate and participate. Each person and relationship is different and unique. One must always remember that sometimes posts are made out of frustration. What is contained in the post is from one parties perspective but if one could add in the other parties perspective then somewhere in the middle ground may lie the reality.

 

[Mary Anne PA]

my hero was a woman who came into club X james st, when I worked there, many years ago. She was buying porn and masturbation aids for her husband. As they are paying she tells me that she was having a difficult pregnancy and wasnt allowed to have sex for 5 months, and then probably another 5 months after the baby came along.
She didnt expect him to go without while she couldnt do full sex, and wanted to make sure he was happy on his own, as well as her 'helping' things along ;-)
Then she buys him a strip with me, and tells him to have a great time, and she'll meet him at the coffee shop.

In the strip I tell him how lucky he is to have her. He knows

Personally Im very secure in my relationship. Even if im not in the mood, I have a mouth, boobs and hands. Also my husband knows that he can bring home girls, so long as I get an invite

 

[HotSexyBBW]

I can equally say what is wrong with men... I was 5 months pregnant, still sexually active and my ex husband cheated on me. I was devastated. (Should have called it quits then! lol) My most recent ex partner also deceived me, even though we were sexually intimate almost every day of the 2 yrs we were together, and in an open sexual relationship. So go figure, it's not always the women that are to blame...

 

[Mary Anne PA]

I can equally say what is wrong with men... I was 5 months pregnant, still sexually active and my ex husband cheated on me. I was devastated. (Should have called it quits then! lol) My most recent ex partner also deceived me, even though we were sexual intimate almost every day of the 2 yrs we were together, and an open sexual relationship. So go figure, it's not always the women that are to blame...

I agree with you there!
Some men are just hopeless, and dont realise how good they have it!

 

[growler]

Well ..... let's just say that all women are selfish bitches and all men are selfish bastards, and be done with it. Nice and simple.

The thing is, in any relationship, there needs to be a measure of give and take. But, even for the love of your life, it is a bugger when your partner wants something that you don't want to provide or (conversely) when you want something your partner doesn't. Doesn't matter whether it's a husband who doesn't really want to put out the rubbish or his wife who refuses to snuggle up with him because she wants him to put out the garbage and he forgets unless she reminds him.

Those little frictions tend to add up and magnify over time. It takes quite a bit of effort to resist punishing your partner for little things. And the easiest way to punish someone is to refuse something they want, or to insist on them providing something they would rather not.

It's a no-brainer that, if you feel angry/hurt/unappreciated/tired/grumpy/stressed/whatever and your partner asks for nookie, that you might decide you have a headache. And, because of that, it's a nobrainer that your partner might later refuse when you want them to talk/clean the toilet/dry the dishes/cook dinner/whatever. And so it goes on ... and on. Then the little things build up, so you refuse your partner things that are more important to them .....

At heart, we're all selfish, so it's easy to fall into these traps and hard to get out of them.

 

[HotSexyBBW]

Well ..... let's just say that all women are selfish bitches and all men are selfish bastards, and be done with it. Nice and simple.

The thing is, in any relationship, there needs to be a measure of give and take. But, even for the love of your life, it is a bugger when your partner wants something that you don't want to provide or (conversely) when you want something your partner doesn't. Doesn't matter whether it's a husband who doesn't really want to put out the rubbish or his wife who refuses to snuggle up with him because she wants him to put out the garbage and he forgets unless she reminds him.

Those little frictions tend to add up and magnify over time. It takes quite a bit of effort to resist punishing your partner for little things. And the easiest way to punish someone is to refuse something they want, or to insist on them providing something they would rather not.

It's a no-brainer that, if you feel angry/hurt/unappreciated/tired/grumpy/stressed/whatever and your partner asks for nookie, that you might decide you have a headache. And, because of that, it's a nobrainer that your partner might later refuse when you want them to talk/clean the toilet/dry the dishes/cook dinner/whatever. And so it goes on ... and on. Then the little things build up, so you refuse your partner things that are more important to them .....

At heart, we're all selfish, so it's easy to fall into these traps and hard to get out of them.

I disagree.. One of my golden rules is never to incorporate domesticated stuff with my lover, so mundane and takes the shine off what should be quality time spent. And I'd never play mind games where I would deprive my partner with payback.. There are other ways/means to get to a good space in a partnership. I just need a partner now hehe.. Where have all the good men gone?? Thinking of googling the place in the world where the most single, open minded, respectful, well behaved and into bbw men are and move there!! (not too much to ask??) Lol xx - Must add that I have a plan that will have me in retirement from my profession, hopefully soon, so that will be less complicated x

 

[growler]

I disagree.. One of my golden rules is never to incorporate domesticated stuff with my lover, so mundane and takes the shine off what should be quality time spent.

You missed my point - which wasn't about domesticated stuff at all. No personal relationship can be all "quality time". Even if you stay apart and only come together for quality time, there is something in the background waiting to intrude on your little heaven - even if it takes longer to become evident.

Very few people enter a relationship without expecting benefits - you each expect to get something you want/need or to eliminate something you don't want. If you didn't you wouldn't be there. Everyone has their preferences: there are things you want to do, and things you don't want to do. When two people pair up, it's almost impossible to prevent one partner wanting (or needing) the other to do something that the other can't do or doesn't want to do.

If you're lucky you'll come to an accomodation "for the good of the other or for the relationship". That takes a lot of effort, as it is very fragile: it only takes small things for either to believe they're giving more than the other - and all of that is very personal, subjective, and influenced by other stresses. Easy to move past that with a few little things, but it becomes harder when other little things are added in.... leading to resentment, temptation to take what you want, temptation to punish for perceived slights, etc etc.

 

[HotSexyBBW]

You missed my point - which wasn't about domesticated stuff at all. No personal relationship can be all "quality time". Even if you stay apart and only come together for quality time, there is something in the background waiting to intrude on your little heaven - even if it takes longer to become evident.

Yes I suppose u r right... Maybe why I'm still single then? I find I have ideals in what I want and I know deep down what I should and shouldn't be doing, but when it comes to it, all of that goes out the window. So lessons to be learnt there for me on that front and hopefully I will get there..

 

[littletruck]

this is the million dollar question...

 

[swingingstories]

Hi Growler,

Your posts really struck a chord with me. I think most of us would like to think that we are doing the best we can in our relationships and that we don't play games of control and manipulation.

I'm not sure it's always conscious or deliberate, but your posts definitely give us all something to think about in terms of what and how we give and when we choose to withhold. It's interesting how two seemingly unrelated areas of life can actually be a cause and effect.

Thanks for the thought provoking comments.

Love
swingingstories

 

[emdee777]

Have read through a few of the threads here. Whilst its true that if communication (and intimacy) betwen partners will lessen a lot of straying, the fact is that the much dismissed syndrome called 'sex-addiction' does exist. If you have that problem it makes no difference how your sex life with your partner is going, you will stray consistently. Rather than dismiss and make light of this oft used excuse, people need to realise that it is real with some people and fuelled by porn and sex obsessed world. Its an issue to do with emotions, pyschological make up and self image. Ladies if your partner has this problem he must get help form an appropriate counsellor, else just forget the relationship and any hope of honesty.