Is it wrong for married men to seek sex discreetly on the side.

[tonetickler]

Is it wrong for married men to seek sex discreetly on the side. Working on the principle what their partners don't know they cannot be upset about? Whether it be with a sexual consultant (my preferred term for a sexual worker) or through discreetly swinging.

 

[Mary Anne PA]

maybe you have answered your own question by actually asking the question in the first place beacuse if you didn't feel that it was, you wouldn't be asking.

what do you think?

Me personally, doing anything that you don't want your partner to know about, unless it's a surprise for them must be something wrong, otherwise why would you want to keep it from them.
You need to ask 'why' you need to do it on the side, what's wrong with your own relationship and marriage..... and when you work out what IS wrong, do something about it first, before heading outside the relationship..
takes two to fix a problem in a relationship, and understanding of what the problem is.. and this is where communication comes into it as well.

If you can't fix it at least you have tried in the first place.. and then you can see about extra marital.... but at least let your partner have the option of being involved in the problem first.

 

[tonetickler]

Don't get too heavy on me, I was only just tring to stimulate some discussion!

 

[Mary Anne PA]

that's okay tonetickler...

no-one's being heavy, everyone just likes to state their opinion..lol.
don't take it personally......it's all about being able to give and take
talk and advice and information.
Everybody loves being given a chance to say their piece... that's all
it is.....

appreciate being the starter of a good conversation....

 

[cutensexy]

i agree 100% with Serena.

but lets not pick on tone if he is simply starting conversation. :boxing: i guess everyone has different views.

 

[{slavegirl}]

perhaps the bigger question here just might be...
would we easily accept someone cheating on us, would we accept them having extra marital affairs...?
If the answer is no..
then not only has the question been answered but it think we would need to look inside ourselves and see why it is that we think what we do or might do as being ok, but unacceptable if it done to us..
i think the age old sayings are the best and have stood the test of time..
"Do unto others as you would have done unto You"
unless of course there has been discussion within the marriage of it being open/free etc...but then again to me a kiss constitutes cheating...
old fashioned...maybe...
harsh..possibly..
but why would anyone committ to a relationship to cheat..?..doesn't and probably wont ever make sense too me...

(just my 10 cents worth...keep the change..lol)

 

[Mary Anne PA]

caveman

Caveman say its is only wrong if you think it is wrong.Sometimes caveman spend many days and nights hunting for food for cavewomen. If every time cave man come back to cave and cavewomen asleep not want hanky panky. Caveman get very frustrated. One day caveman borrowed special club with vibrating and oscilating head for cavewomen , she say no and use it for mixing bronti sore ass pie.Caveman sad so caveman send jungle telegraph out for women who want to make caveman smile. Caveman happy now cavewomen happy she have knew cooking tool all cave family happy.

The moral is if nobody get hurt and every body happy why be unhappy.

 

[Mary Anne PA]

Love the way you think sometimes caveman... you go (I actually can picture you with the club and all)

Caveman say its is only wrong if you think it is wrong.Sometimes caveman spend many days and nights hunting for food for cavewomen. If every time cave man come back to cave and cavewomen asleep not want hanky panky. Caveman get very frustrated. One day caveman borrowed special club with vibrating and oscilating head for cavewomen , she say no and use it for mixing bronti sore ass pie.Caveman sad so caveman send jungle telegraph out for women who want to make caveman smile. Caveman happy now cavewomen happy she have knew cooking tool all cave family happy.

The moral is if nobody get hurt and every body happy why be unhappy.

 

[yuki]

i agree with serena first look at your relationship and if your still together then ask to see someone on the side.
i have no problems seening married men when their wife know what they are doing. i think that shows that their relationship is strong and understanding on both parts.
if you want to see someone with out her knowledge well thats up to you and only you can decide if its wrong or not.also if you think its ok next question is can you live with it?

 

[MASTER WIZARD]

Bit On the side?

Greetings,
If you could convince the "Missus" to have an apendectomy , and leave the op-site open then you could have a "BIT" on the side! :
There are as many justifications for actions as there are actions.
Who decides what is "Right & Wrong"?
IS it the excitement of doing something you believe is wrong?
Is it the Tension of keeping something secret?
Or of being caught out?
The excitement of fooling "Some-one"?
Figure out your motives . . . But be honest with yourself. . . Not the usual of *sex with her is Boring* or *Extra marital is MORE exciting* Ask why and be honest with yourself , Then ask what can I do about it? . . Do I want to do anything about it?. . . . Why am I still here? ? ?

 

[honeyblonde]

nobody gets hurt

Sorry to say I have just come out of being the Mistress of a married man who was a collector of women all over the country. I fell madly in love for the first time in my entire life, and thats including me being married for 16 years to a nice bloke but I realised I had never experienced love and lust like this.

My lover was the best lover I have ever had and also one of the smartest men I know, all fatal attractions for me.

For nearly seven months we had a hot and heavy and I would still be doing it if my little inner voice had not been stronger than my libido(and I have pretty strong libido lol). Deep down I think we all know its not the right thing to do, thats why its a covert operation.

I also was cheated on by my husband. I was like cavemans wife in that I honestly was not turned on by my husband and I pushed him away in the end and can't blame him for going somewhere else. He had the gutts to leave our unhappy sexual relationship I should have left years ago and saved us the missery but we kept togehter for the kids. If its gone its gone if the sex is shit house then there is a reason. If the grass is greener water your own lawn or move on down the road.

Wth my married lover I thought of his wife all those years of devotion, raising his kids staying home so he can build his career. She is living on a bed of lies and does not know it, she thinks this man who comes home is an honest person. If a person has unsafe sex out side of marriage then you bring home the gift that keeps on giving. And believe me married men do want fuck you without a condom, as stupid as that is. Dont kind yourself if you cheat you cheat and no good wrapping it up in pretty paper its still hurts people in the long run.


I will not ever go with a married man not even in swingers. I have a few times till one man told his wife I was the best fuck he ever had...you figure out how she must have felt.

now I shall get of mahhhhh soap box lol

 

[Floyd]

If I sound like an apologist, sorry.

Henry David Thoreau said "the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation".

Tonetickler, you're motives, like your situation are your own and your life (like everybody elses) is full of contradictions and good people can do bad things.

But judge your self and not others. Who out there has never done something that someone, somewhere would consider immoral or wrong? Anyone on this forum? I doubt that.

Me? I try to be as happy as I can be, hurt as few people as I can, and meet my commitments and responsibilities. Always a compromise.

Judgement is for the angels. Good luck.

 

[honeyblonde]

my halo

is around my ankles
my wings are clipped

your right we should not judge others
we should judge ourselves

our partners can be the judges if they ever find out.

just have to make sure the wifes name is not Bobbit.

 

[Floyd]

now I really am apologising

I'm sorry Honey, I didn't mean it to sound like I was having a go.

It's a "close to the bone" topic and over a long period of time it can be hard to happy and good. Like everyone else, I try to do both but believe me when I say, I'm my harshest critic.

And you're absolutely right about Lorena! It's about risk vs reward.

 

[honeyblonde]

thats ok Floyd

I did not think you were having a go at me
besides feel my skin
its thick lol just like me

hey thats enough feeling for now ( wink)
da blonde

 

[sweet_as]

what is wrong with us....

why is it that if a person seeks sex out of a relationship whether it is or isn't descreet then it is "wrong"..speaking from personal experiences i have been cheated on, have cheated and also been a mistress in the past...the cheating was only wrong as i found out about it and it was with a supposed "best friend" to me, so it wasnt just the betrayal from my partner but from my friend as well...and also the fact that i was unaware (poss due to immaturaty and inexperience) that we had a prob in the first place...me cheating was only wrong because i hadnt told my partner that i infact DID have an affair after we had discussed both of us being able to have "outside sex"...not telling him came from my guilt about it, even though i had permission...me being a mistress i didnt view as wrong as we started the liaisons knowing that he was (really) leaving his wife and that i was purely something in the mean time (kinda like therapy sex)...once he left his wife we never had sex again..remained friends but once the trust isnt there it is hard to establish it...looking from another view is that well before we thought of joining the swinging scene i had offended my partner by encouraging him to have sex with someone else when i was "not in the mood" for an extended time...i didnt think my idea was "wrong" but speaking to other wives the conclusion was drawn that it was...if you can talk to your partner about your needs or desires to seek "outside sex" and you can reach a happy medium then who is to say that it is wrong...it can be wrong to pick up hitch hikers, but it can also be wrong to not help a person in need...if your partner cannot help you with all of your needs physically( which doesnt mean that they dont fulfil you in all other areas of the relationship) then by allowing you to go outside the relationship then she can be infact helping herself by either saving a rocky relationship or choose to leave it...sex doesnt need to be in a relationship but trust and communication do..so whatever you do by communicating first you cant do anything "WRONG" can you...

 

[artist30]

It does depend on the kinda of commitment you have. I think that honesty is the best policy. Why would a person want to seek an extra on the side, whats not happening in their relationship that they seek elsewhere. If one wants this and the other doesn't then yes a split is the way to go, considering all efforts to save the relationship have been exhausted. Keep it clean, messy is too hard to clean up!! and the heart recovers very slowly.
Women tend to be sensitive souls even if they don't admit it at times....and finding their man has been with someone else can be extremely painful, especially if they had no idea their relationship wasn't going so well. Always talk it out!!Always

 

[artist30]

I think the word commitment can conjure up...boring, mundane. A typical good housewife doesn't have kinky sex or wear sexy lingerie. When we can break free of these cliches, then we can discover and few of us do, really hot sex with our partners. There is room in our normal lives for really erotic foreplay, you name it...if both partners are willing, the desire to cheat is almost depleted...As women we have to be careful we don't fall into the role of whats expected of us, but to be adventurous and find out what we want in sex...with our partner or the relationship will get boring...and both parties are more likely to look elsewhere. Here's to the adventure

 

[lickedysplit]

jERRY SPRINGER ONCE SAID..... The person who is falling in love has the right to know who they are fallig in love with.... It is only deception when one makes out to the other they are monogamous but really isn't..
As long as we both go into the relationship with eyes wide open and put all expectations out there then there can not be a problem..

I get married and say "you dont screw anyone else"..he says ok...were both understood then...
i get married and say " we will go to swingers clubs and endulge others" he says ok ...were both understood then

i get married and i say "you dont screw anyone else" and he says ok but then goes to lp's by himself....

he gets divorced....and i get the house.............rofl

 

[{slavegirl}]

LMAO...
Lickedy you always manage to turn a touchy subject on it's arse..i love it...
Ya crack me up...hahahah *pardon the pun*
Love your thought process..if only we all could think like you what a great place the world would be...
a place full of laughter and no silly grudges or being bogged down by things...
Stay you...LOL.....
*steals a leaf from the lickedy book*

 

[{slavegirl}]

chanting

Oh and
"Go Jerry, Go Jerry, Go Jerry"

:headbang: :headbang:

 

[lickedysplit]

thats really sweet slave....i didnt realise i made any impact...just being a flea bag..it comes naturally....but glad to see someone noticed my humour....big hugs for slave

 

[Geneva]

First Hand Experience

First time I have posted But this topic is one I have had experience with.
My husband and I have been together for 31 years and last May I found out he had been seeing working ladies since Jan. He made the mistake of bringing one to our home, while I was away on business, and leaving a unused condom by our bed. He denied it at first then told me it was a once off. A few weeks later going thru our visa bills I found many more charges for visits to a brothel. I was totally destroyed by his disregard for our marriage and home, suicidal, I turned to pills and alchol to try a blot it out. Pulled my self together but then found out he was still in contact with one girl. Eventually the whole sordid tale came out. We are still together but the trust has gone and life together will never be the same. He still loves me dearly and probably never stopped loving me but I feel he destroyed in 6 months what it took us 31 years to build.

 

[melly bear]

I also was cheated on by my husband. I was like cavemans wife in that I honestly was not turned on by my husband and I pushed him away in the end and can't blame him for going somewhere else. He had the gutts to leave our unhappy sexual relationship I should have left years ago and saved us the missery but we kept togehter for the kids. If its gone its gone if the sex is shit house then there is a reason. If the grass is greener water your own lawn or move on down the road.

Ditto Honey...we didn't have kids but still tried to keep the whole shimozzle together but mine also had the guts to leave the relationship and I can't believe how much happier I have been ever since. So by him going outside the relationship certainly had its up side for me!!

I agree with all the other comments about whatever works for you and your relationship as long as you try not to hurt the other person/people.

 

[sioxie]

Geneva same thing happened to me and i am still trying to understand it. We had been married 15 years and never once had he wanted to experiment or say that he wanted more. I was unhappy but put up with the once a week missionary sex..........

I had been away up north working for a week and came back home and started to go thru the accnts and came across a working girls " plastic calling card" in our portafile. Then found the visa account with an item of $230 bucks on it. Booked on a sunday as i checked the date thinkin what on earth it was for as i knew it was while i was away slogging my guts out earning money to keep us afloat with his expensive lifestyle........


Well questioned him when he got home and he admitted to me he had been going to langtrees for years behind my back. Each time i went up north on contract to work he was like a fox down a bunny hole.........

To say i felt betrayed was an understatement as i had never cheated on him and hadnt even considered it....I was more angry that it was MY money he was using while i was living in unhospitable conditions working for hours on end.

The irony is if he had been upfront and honest from the beginning and said he wanted to go i prob would have gone with him. I was open to the idea of getting a working girl in for a 3some and had actually suggested it to him a few times late on in the marriage but he looked shocked and horrified so i dropped it.

Finally no i dont agree with married men or those in a relationship going off for a " bit". If it is a mutual decision based on trust and the woman knows abt it and can handle the consequences i say thats all well and good. But cheatin is cheatin if the other partner doesnt know abt it and nothing justifies that...........

 

[honeyblonde]

Read This Book

he is not really into you.
it can apply for both sexes I think

and if a man/woman is fucking around on you, without you knowing or being part of it

then HE/ she is not really into you

what he/she is into is fear of giving up the comfort of the house the fear of upsetting the kids. Guilt or just plain maybe things will get better, maybe my partner is fridgid maybe my sex life is not exciting enough.

human bondage is a hard thing to break,and its not easy being on your own its a scary to sleep alone after years of marriage and you think what did I do wrong?

I felt I was not sexy enough did not give him enough( like every day is not enough) all the things were my fault. He always told me I was fat, that his new girlfriend was younger and thinner. It took my friend Ms Silk to convince me I had a good body and not to flaunt it. I realised it was no ones fault at all, that he just did not love me though he thought he did.

simple

you cannot love somone if you have to lie to them, cheat on them and fear the consequences of your actions.

I feel for the men and women with terrible sex lives
I know its a horrible place to be, and each has to make their own choices.

31 years of a marriage
thrown away
sad sad thing to hear.

thats what happens when your libido crawls into your brain and starts giving directions.
it happens were human.

honeyblonde

 

[Hellboy]

he' just not that in2 you!!!

Sometime's HELLBOY admit's girly things and quotes Oprah !!!!
At times, the path our lives take, lead us to reevaluate and question our past choices. Sometimes people compromise to make the best of a particular situation, only later, in retrospect, to realise that maybe, in the heat of the moment/ battle, they have given away part of themselves! If a man or woman cant admit that something is broken and needs fixing, then the situation is only going to get worse.
The Ophah "He's just not that into you!!!! ", quote can work both ways. By admitting to himself and saying "Maybe im just not in2 my partner anymore", and being open and honest, to his partner, much eventual emotional pain and grief can be spared. Sure at this announcement, the inital sense of failure/loss is gonna hurt, but by that stage she will, in her heart, already know it to be the truth, and eventually feel the sense of freedom/relief, that only comes with being Honest.
This is only ever a good thing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And im not saying it as a final page of relationship. It maybe, the last nail in the relationship's coffin, but treated in love, and mutual respect it may be the nail that rebuilds the bridge, to and open and honest relationship.
Which can only mean ,net result = a more passionate and intimate sex life.!!!!!
and with better sex coms less desire for infidelity.
Everybody happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[chrissie]

By admitting to himself and saying "Maybe im just not in2 my partner anymore", and being open and honest, to his partner, much eventual emotional pain and grief can be spared. Sure at this announcement, the inital sense of failure/loss is gonna hurt, but by that stage she will, in her heart, already know it to be the truth, and eventually feel the sense of freedom/relief, that only comes with being Honest.

Well said. When my husband and I finally parted, it hurt like hell - but underneath, for me -and for him I'm sure - there was definitely a sense of relief. And it definitely wasn't the end of the relationship, just the start of a different one. We're still friends,and still see each other occasionally - I even introduced him to his new lady lol.

One of my favourite sayings is 'better an ugly truth than a pretty lie'

Chrissie

 

[touchlife]

Is It Ok For Married Men To Discreetly Look At Porno

Well ive read some really interesting replies on whether it is ok for married people to discretly cheat on their partners.

the general response appears to be
- if your found out the other partner is devestated but realise there was an inherant problem - so it acts as a catalyst to seperate

So let me ask this:
IS IT OK FOR MARRIED MEN TO DISCREETLY LOOK AT PORNO AND GET OFF ON IT

 

[Mrs Langtrees]

definately. it is also ok for married woman to masturbate over porn. It surprises me though that a lot of woman get very jealous of their partners wanking and I think this is caused early in the relationship because of lack of comminication.
When you start going out with someone it is important for both partners to be frank about their private time so the other partner dosen't feel threatened when the issue arises 3 to 6 years later and they had no clue it makes them feel they don't really know the person they have been living with for all those years.