How can I make a man feel sexually secure and still get what I want?

O

OhSoMischievous

I never posted a question before but I’ve found these forums to be quite useful at times and I was hoping my question could be answered.

I am a 28 year old female I am very comfortable with my sexuality and enjoy sex. I have noticed that my sexual security seems to make men uncomfortable. I’ve recently been told by a new partner that I made him feel sexually inadequate. I know the importance of making a man feel sexually secure and have learned to give compliment s but I like certain things done to me, I’m a very physical person I love to touch and be touched so before giving them the opportunity to disappoint me I tell them what to do to me and what I like. I don’t demand or lecture I simply say please to this or I would really like it when you touch me like this.

I find myself often exploring my partner’s body and I guess I tend to dominate or take charge with new partners because I enjoy learning what they react to and how they liked to be touched. Apparently the combination of the above makes my partner feel like he doesn’t know what he’s doing. The truth is neither do I; I just do what feels good to me.

My question is how can I make a man feel sexually secure and still get what I want?
 
Sir Stefan

Sir Stefan

Agent Provocateur
Foundation Member
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Wow OhSo.... I am a man and THAT is a really tough question you have posed.

Perhaps email him a fantasy story.... then when you are in bed together tell him that the story was based around a desire you have held for sometime and that you have never told another sole...but him...and that you had been waiting for the 'right' man to come along before you played out your fantasy... as you didn't want it to go off half baked... and that you believe that HE is the very man that you have been waiting for to fulfill your dream fantasy.

May work...may not... but worth a try.
 
O

OhSoMischievous

Thanks SirStephen,
That’s good advice if I was pre-planning. But I'm kind of spontaneous don’t really know what or who I'm going to do until I do it. I guess that’s my problem, men tend to be nervous the first time and i want to know how to make them more comfortable so we can both enjoy it more.
 
Sir Stefan

Sir Stefan

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OhSoMischievous said:
Thanks SirStephen,
That’s good advice if I was pre-planning. But I'm kind of spontaneous don’t really know what or who I'm going to do until I do it. I guess that’s my problem, men tend to be nervous the first time and i want to know how to make them more comfortable so we can both enjoy it more.
Click to expand...

Well you could be courageous....like a girl I met 9 years back... We were having a few social drinks at a party and I got chatting to her... nothing sexual just the normal small talk... when she asked "Would you like to fuk me" the invitation was just too good to refuse so I said ok.... She said "then you will have to drive me home and fuk me in my bed before my partner gets home".... Ok so show me the way... On the way to her house she said.. "I haven't known you long but I trust you and I know you wont hurt me.. so you can do anything you like to me...anything at all"... So I started at her feet and worked my way up applying every sexual technique I had learned.... it must have worked because we saw each other maybe a 100 times after that.
 
johnlou

johnlou

5 Star General
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your welcome OhSoMischievous :)

i will try and answer your question the best way i know

this is me

instead of telling your playful partner what you want them to do with you :) :)

i believe in going with the flow and a little lead by you ,

sensuous touching and see how this person reacts :)


im very playful all the time

John :) :)
 
happytimes

happytimes

what you see is wat you get and alot more
Diamond Member
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Hi Ohsomischievous. Welcome. If your guy has told you that i would suggest just be strait up front and ask why he feels that way.
I know you have sort of explained it but he is the one thinking he isn't satisfying you.
That's how i am reading it anyway.So as i said just come strait out with it and try to get to the point where he tells you why he feels inadequate.

At least that way you mat be able to tell him is doing just fine or if you don't feel satisfied tell him. That way you may introduce different types of foreplay etc.I think in your case all hands need to be laid out on the table so to speak then you might get somewhere.Just a suggestion.
 
swingingstories

swingingstories

Gold Member
Points
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Hi OhSoMischevious,

I'm gonna play devils advocate here. Something about your post and the way you write resonated with familiarity for me. Not that I think I know, but I think you and I might be a little alike.

Having said that I am still coming to terms with myself in sexual areas and it's been a great fun journey that my husband has supported me on. But I am a big control freak. I like things how I like them. If it's your house, I'm not gonna tell you how to run it (I might turn the toilet roll around if it's wrong, or straighten a picture) but if you're in my house, it'll be how I want it to be. Now maturity and circumstances have helped me to relax a bit in some areas, and I do find myself more content for it.

Have you thought about just giving yourself up to a sexual situation without needing to "direct" it? You mentioned that you like touching your partner and seeing how they respond and working their bodies out. Maybe they might like to do that too. Perhaps an experience that is different to your expectation could be surprisingly fulfillling, you might even be able to lose yourself in it for a while, stop thinking altogether (I know what a concept), it may even be that the physical response you feel could be mind blowing different to the one you have become accustomed to orchestrating.

Obviously if the guy is a complete hack and couldn't find your G-Spot with GPS and you're mentally balancing your cheque book, then I think it's time for Spielberg style direction, but there's a lot of guys out there with surprising little tricks up their sleeves, and you might miss out on one if you don't let them run with it.

Love
swingingstories
 
O

OhSoMischievous

Thanks Swingingstories,

It’s really not the case with me though, I love it when a man takes charge over my body in fact that’s how I’ve learned so much about my sexuality. But I’ve found they move to quick to intercourse (that is the first time I am with them, which tends to reflect on the next experience) I want to enjoy a few more pleasures beforehand if they want to add more to it I welcome that.

Like I mentioned I don’t want to give them the opportunity to disappoint me and I enjoy sex but I think I’m getting bored and that’s kind of frustrating me. I’ve noticed that many men get uncomfortable or appear insecure and I just want to know how to make them comfortable enough to enjoy and not take what I want them to do as a reflection of their sexual competence.
 
Sir Stefan

Sir Stefan

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Foundation Member
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Try this one out.... Most men love washing and drying their car.... so print this off and hand it to them...and say.... "like to try a wash and dry with a difference" ?

Kinky Foreplay

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Here is one example, of a personal experience:

She was young beautiful and possessed a very high sex drive... She was also in a live-in relationship with a man 18 years her senior... I met her at a party... she was 30 years my junior.

We became secret lovers... She would arrive at my house around 7am... after her partner had already left for work... or in the late afternoon before he arrived home...this she would do 3 to 4 times per week for 8 months... until her game was discovered by her partner.

Her visits would begin with her taking a shower... and shaving her body...as I watched.

When she came out of the shower I would slip a blindfold over her eyes....then I would dry her body with a Chamois... not a cheap and nasty synthetic chamois... but a real calf chamois...

I would dry every drop of water from every inch of her body with my chamois...leaving no crease or crevice untouched by my chamois... as I did this her body would begin to tremble and she would start to lubricate.

Then I would lead her... still blindfold... to my bed...there I would tie her wrists behind her back with a silk ribbon and position her in the sitting up position.

I would take from my refrigerator a bottle of Moet and a bowl of whole strawberries which had been marinating in GrandMarnier....

I would pour 2 glasses of Moet and offer one glass to her lips...she would tilt her head back to sip the champagne... any drop of champagne that spilt from her lips would be licked off her naked body with my tongue... from wherever it had fallen to.

Then I would take a whole strawberry...dripping with GrandMarnier... and place it between her lips... she would bite off the end of the strawberry... the juice and GrandMarnier ooozing from her beautiful and perfectly formed lips... dripping down her chin to fall onto her naked breasts which were adorned with a golden ring in each nipple... from there it would drip down to land on her belly and slowly trickle down to her lap.

Any drops of juice that landed on her naked body would be licked away by my tongue.

When the strawberries and Moet were consumed we would then make long passionate love... increasing to a wild lust driven conclusion when she would cry out.. "Please, please cum...I want to feel you cum inside me"

We would then both collapse, exhausted on the bed... before she would have to rush off to work...or home to her partner.

Tho that joy has long since passed... those memories of our 'Kinky Foreplay' will live on forever.
 
O

OhSoMischievous

That was pretty fuckin hot or I’m just really horny. ;-)
 
Sir Stefan

Sir Stefan

Agent Provocateur
Foundation Member
Points
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OhSoMischievous said:
That was pretty fuckin hot or I’m just really horny. ;-)
Click to expand...

Then it is Definately worth a try... we repeated it over and over for months and it always worked for us..... and we never got bored with it.... just got caught out when she fell pregnant!
 
M

Multiple

Just talk it through, though some people will always be more receptive to being dominated a bit.
 
Madmax1700

Madmax1700

Legend Member
Points
47
OhSoMischievous said:
I never posted a question before but I’ve found these forums to be quite useful at times and I was hoping my question could be answered.

I am a 28 year old female I am very comfortable with my sexuality and enjoy sex. I have noticed that my sexual security seems to make men uncomfortable. I’ve recently been told by a new partner that I made him feel sexually inadequate. I know the importance of making a man feel sexually secure and have learned to give compliment s but I like certain things done to me, I’m a very physical person I love to touch and be touched so before giving them the opportunity to disappoint me I tell them what to do to me and what I like. I don’t demand or lecture I simply say please to this or I would really like it when you touch me like this.

I find myself often exploring my partner’s body and I guess I tend to dominate or take charge with new partners because I enjoy learning what they react to and how they liked to be touched. Apparently the combination of the above makes my partner feel like he doesn’t know what he’s doing. The truth is neither do I; I just do what feels good to me.

My question is how can I make a man feel sexually secure and still get what I want?
Click to expand...
I ain’t no expert and seems your are getting plenty of good advice. I will just say be your self and I just hope I would find a girl with your sexuality 🙈😀😀
 
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