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Why no Pleasure, after 4 months of sex.....??

A

angel_sazza05

Hi my name is Sarah, I dont enoy sex at ALL No pleasure , NOTHING!! i've been havin sex for 4 months and NOTHING.... it hurts, or it feel numb is all i can say, doesnt feel good...I've been to the doctors, ive put it in my mind that i think its gunna be good during sex...it isnt working, NOTHING has worked :angry1: I dont know what to do!!!!!!!!!!..... If any1 knows what to do, or is in my postion lets chat.... a girl would be suitable to talk too.

I love my partner and i want to feel good for him as well as myself....HE FEELS HORRIBLE and wants to make me better....i love him and this is a big thing in my life that i gave him my gift by breaking my virginity to him, ALL I WANT, is to be better!!!! THX 4 LISTENING

xxxx.love sarah pleaseeee reply...
 
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you ever thought about having a threesome with another girl who is experienced and can help and guide during the sex, maybe teach you how to enjoy it, teach your guy how to make you enjoy it, something like that. Might be worth a go if you can find someone your comfortable with and will guide you in the right direction.

You are still very young and if your partner is also and not as experienced this can start you off the wrong way, and the sooner you get it sorted the better for your sexual future. Otherwise it will be fixed in your head that you will never enjoy sex. I did ask earlier what the docotr said to you when you went to them also?
 
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Pleasure is a learnt response not something that comes natural it took me until I was 42 to start getting it right.The best info I can give you is a book called Sex for One by Betty Dodson was what put me on the right track first to understand my own body and mind.You will find a link in our product section on this forum.
You are already on the road to finding tihe answer because you are questioning why?
A threesome isn't the answer but watching others pleasure themselves could certainly help.
 
Got to agree MA abt pleasure being a learned response...........i hated sex up until 2 years ago, never found any enjoyment at all even with different partners thought it was a chore and couldnt wait till it was over......what changed>>>>>>> i took charge started asking for what I wanted instead of letting the male take charge......its all abt confidence in some cases gettin to know ur body first and what pleasures you then askin your partner to follow your guidance.........alot of women unfortunately are conditioned to not ask for what they want and think they are solely there to please their partner.........not sure if this helps sarah? You have done the right thing by checking there is no medical reason that you are not enjoying sex so it may be some other simple explanation...............
 
Slow Down

Hello Sarah.

I feel for you babe, I really do!

First of all can I sujest that you are both trying too hard. SLOW DOWN! :ky:
It's like trying to run before you enjoy to walk.
Like I was, you're worried that something's 'wrong' with you - because having sex doesn't feel good like you thought it would, after all the build up to it. After all, EVERYONE LOVES sex - right?
He feels horrible because he can't 'make' you enjoy it with him.
It all adds up to anxiety - which KILLS the moment before you even start, for both of you. You try too hard the next time, and so on.

There's a lot more to lovemaking than ins and outs Sarah, especially for a woman. Experience sexual pleasure externally first, preparing for penetration.
If entry hurts - at all - your body is telling you that it's not prepared ( by natural lubricant that comes with arousement ) If the vagina is dry, don't use lube to stop entry hurting you! If a man felt like he was having sex with a cheese grater, he wouldn't keep going? :BangHead: Ever heard of a guy orgasmic over a cheese grater? :nono: :laughing1

Seriously though, the feelings you have toward your man, are not indicated by loving to have him 'inside' you - til your body and feelings are READY.
Slow down, it will happen naturally as your body unveils all the mysteries of what it is exactly, that you are supposed to be feeling - that 'everyone else' loves so much. You WILL know, believe it! It's not wasted time, that you could have been having great sex together. It's like, young boys suffer of anxiety because they come too quickly, then they worry it will happen again, and so on. It's all a part of maturing. Enjoy the tease and anticipation ( the goose bump stage - like with someone new - that we can later on, miss the feeling of ) and there are OTHER ways, to have great 'sex' in the meantime - trust me!

The book that Maryanne sujested will help you to understand, what took us more years than we care to remember.

To relax ( both of you ) is the answer. Please let us know if we have been any help with our advice, and keep in touch.
xx Maxeen
 
Oh And.........

I forgot to mention: As i've said before, our 'creator' must have a wicked sense of humour :evil1: A males sexual peak is in his youth, whereas a females is a lot later. ( notice that more younger guys are interested in more mature women these days :notworthy ) Wooohooo!

It's not all like in blue movies where the girl is hollering 'oh yeah baby,
**** me harder...... and he's pounding her with all he's got! You're a young girl/lady and 4 months isn't very long at all - when you first start having intercourse. Your lover needs to be patient, understanding, and gentle! If he's inexperienced too, it wouldn't take much -in other ways, for him to have a great time still. :headbang: If he's not, he should already know better. After all, i'm sure he doesn't want to hurt you - then feel horrible after? :dontknow:

And last but not least: The big NO NO is to ever fake it! There was very little information for us when we were young, to learn from. I thought I was 'frigid' or something because I hated sex - it hurt! The more anxious I/we became, the more it hurt. I loved my boyfriend and didn't want him to know.
I didn't do him, or myself any favours!

xx Maxeen
 
summer

Hi Sarah,
can you try the foreplaying action first,
finding your g.spot"clitoris"then gently playing with it will send you of,as well have your man play with you in the bedroom,let him kiss you slowly from the top of your body and work his way down!
you may have a uterus that goes backwards instead of the correct prosition,this is nothing to feel embrarased about as our body's are all built differently!
when your uterus goes backwards and a man is inside you,his penis miss's the pleasure button as it is at the front of your wall and his penis does not touch that wall,so all I can suggest is oneday lie down place your finger inside you and move it forward towards your tummy inside,as well as play with your clit as well,see what happen's!
I know you want to orgasm on your man's penis but if your uterus goes backwards it is differcult to reach your pleasure zone,so maybe instead both have mutual foreplay your man will be happy to see you or give you satisfaction,then let him enter you!
take care!summer
 
Hi young lady. Firstly i am a fair bit older than you and am certainly not an authority on these issues. Firstly do not be to hard on your self there is far to much pressure on young people to perform today. Everybody has to have the perfect body have the best job the biggest penis the perfect breasts and of course have the best sex in the world.The media magazines and the like have a lot to anwer to. Most of us have to work very hard at trying to attain the unatainable. Most of us blokes are so misinformed especially at the years when we should be being informed about those things that you speak of. Please please do not worry, firstly try and make sure that your emotions and basic common sence are at one . Become informed as previous people have mentioned to you. For if your mind set is right the rest will follow.The principle of anything is to get the basics right.

You take care and not to fret too much........,...........
 
Thx 4 the replies

:hello: Thx for all ya replies, yea serena the doctors just said try and enjoy sex without thinking it hurts...lame eh? :angry1:
anyways i been though all the doctors and going to the hospital going here and there.... :BangHead: ya i will try all ya suggestions...and a threesome, serana HAHA :3some: WILL DO...hes new at it too we play be4 we start to have sex. but sometimes we dont.

42 mary-anne?? omg... i hope thats not like that for me you poor thing.....Sex for One by Betty Dodson ?? hmmm sounds good, what store do i get it from??? he cums to quickly laying on top of me and i NEVER fake it no way ill keep in touch and try to relax more .... xxx sazundefined
 
Go see David Kay at the club this Friday all your dreams can come true.Remember orgasm is a taught response and to get true pleasure you have to bring all your elements together.
 
Another Aspect

Greetings,
Speaking from the Therapist point of view: Stimulate an "Oxytocin" response. . .This is produced by a "Lot" of very gentle stroking.
Check that it is not influenced by a spinal mis-alignment!
Although from what has been written it would seem that Max has it just right. See My first suggestion.
 
Hope this helps

Hey Sarah,
I know you would prefer advice from a girl, but hopefully this might help.
Not many people have great sex the first time out, and you should see this as normal.
Your current partner is your first and you say you love him, which is an excellent start. It may be that you are trying too hard to enjoy it because of that. Are you trying too hard to enjoy it just to please him? Never do it just to please someone else..
Try lots of foreplay, just exploring each other's bodies without thinking things like "wow! We're going to have sex soon - I hope it's ok". Just enjoy the sensations that you get and you give.
You didn't mention masturbation at all. This is the best way to find out what feels good for you and you can guide your lover from there.
If it's painful, you may have a condition called vaginismus, which is basically a tightening of the vaginal muscles caused by anxiety about having sex. Again, it's about relaxing and not putting too many expectations on yourself (or your partner)
So, lots of relaxing, feeling, kissing, cuddling, licking, exploring. Take your time! One day you will be surprised and breathless and you will never look back.

Hope it helps - good luck!
 
hey im back, hows it going? thx again for all your replys. But is there any creams that will undefinedundefinedhelp? :happy4:
 
Hi! Sazza, have you ever heard of Tantric Sex, the word Tantra is an Indian word used to describe the sensual energy we all have within us, and Tantra teachings show us how to channel our sensual energy into experiencing multiple orgasms, for both men and women.
Like most things to be pleasurable they need to be savoured and this is the basic teachings behind the philosophy of tantra, we should learn how to pleasure each others body, a woman needs to take charge and show her lover what makes her tingle, slowly at first, teaching him the tempo of her body, if you google 'tantra' you will find out more about our sensual nature and how to go about arousing each other, learning that there is more to making love than first thought, good luck to you in your quest for more plesurable sex
 
my gf and i spent about 6 months of trying to have sex... similar problems... all turned out in the wash. just make sure he goes easy on u and doesn't force anything in if it won't go! long foreplay helps big time.
 
Hi Saraha,
this is situation that many a woman has been in, so don't feel alone or a freak or anything like that.

Many woman find the final pentration of sex, to be not what they expected or have not the "ready" state of sexual concesness (oops my sex is better than my spelling , sorry..:D )...

What I mean by this, is you may have given up your physical virginity, but not yet your emotional virginity...

I had this encounter a long time back, with an exG/F, who had an emotional child and teenage years.... She too could not find the gratification or participation in sex... it drove us crazy and manytimes we blamed each other,,,

The cure actualy so simple.. we laughed later at it....
Stop sexual penetration, but keep up the loving and foreplay etc...

Yes we began to explore each other, avoided all penetration side of sex.. we played eye games, touching in the dark, showers etc... moved to massages, playing with multiple stimulation of the senses, till she could orgasm with no penatration of the penis....( now many a guy would say why the bloody hell would you want that....)...because once her barrier of self gratification had been crossed and pleasures of mental stimulation explored.... it became so natural one night ( a good few months later) ... to slip into the final closure, with no pressure... no anticipation... and her bursting forth in away she could not imagine...
Not all people get to the gates of Nirvana by the same path....
some run headlong into the pleasure gates... other go via a maze of un and fantacy... for a few the path must be a slow stroll with the sites and smell enjoyed, before the final pleasures of the flesh.


Lastly, people like Mary Ann and others run very good workshops and even one on one sessions and talks...
Consider it, We often invest thousands of $$$ in skills and training for a creer or business...
Yet many will not pay to invest in the life skils and talents needed to secure a lasting and happy relationship.

Spice Me
(Tony)
 
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