This is a response to the kind comment in this blog:
au.langtrees.com
When you sit with your past long enough, it stops feeling like a story and starts feeling like a mirror.
There was a chapter of my life that nearly consumed me — a love so fierce it felt like it could save me, only to realise later it was drowning me.
And it is illustrated in an interview I have featured before:
https://www.talkinsex.com/threads/interview-with-yoda-on-dating-a-working-lady.31316/
It started simply, like many things do. A meeting that became a connection. A connection that became a life together. For a time, it was heaven. For a time, I thought I had everything. And then, like the tide pulling out, I realised I was standing in the wreckage of something I didn’t know how to survive.
Back then, I thought I knew what love was. But the truth? I didn’t even know myself.
In those days, I wrote a song. I can still remember penning the words, a boy in his early 30s thinking he’d found the answer to all of life’s chaos. I called it Ten Thousand Years.
It went like this:
In a time when I’m most alone
When all of my life seems so wrong
Asking myself, is there any point
With all this struggle going on
When using up my last piece of strength
Not caring if tomorrow comes
I see you there, appear before me
No more pains and fears
I truly believed she’d saved me. And maybe she did.
Love Without Boundaries
Here’s the problem I see now: I thought sacrifice was the same thing as devotion. I thought if I emptied myself for her — gave her my time, my forgiveness, my everything — she’d fill me back up.
But that’s not love. That’s desperation dressed up as romance.
And it never works.
My spiritual teacher said something years later that cut me in two:
“When you lose yourself in someone else, you don’t give them love — you give them your emptiness and expect them to fill it.”
That was me. And it hurt us both.
I loved her recklessly, without discipline. And what starts as worship soon turns into resentment when you expect another person to carry the weight of your brokenness.
The Hard Truth
There’s a verse in that song that haunts me now:
Will I be the man that’s able to provide for you
All the simple things in life that you deserve from me
I tell myself that I’ll make it happen
There’s no chance that I’m not going to see this through
Even in those words, you can hear it: I didn’t love myself. I didn’t care for myself. I only knew how to sacrifice, and sacrifice without boundaries isn’t love — it’s self-destruction.
And when you don’t respect yourself, how can you expect anyone else to?
The Wisdom of Age
I’m almost 50 now. When I read those lyrics today, I see a man lost in obsession. A man trying to save someone when he couldn’t even save himself.
Would I undo it? No. I can’t regret what shaped me. That relationship, as beautiful and brutal as it was, became the forge that burned away the illusions I had about love.
I don’t hold anger for her anymore. I don’t wish to reconcile. I simply wish her peace. We shared moments of pure beauty in the middle of all that chaos, and that’s what I choose to keep.
What I’ve Learned
Love isn’t possession. It isn’t obsession. It isn’t “I’ll destroy myself to keep you.”
Love is presence. It’s the quiet knowing that you are enough as you are, and they are enough as they are. It’s giving from fullness, not emptiness.
If you’re in a relationship where you’ve lost yourself — hear this: pull yourself back.
Love them, yes. Give to them, yes. But don’t abandon yourself.
One Last Verse
The song ends like this:
Do I want to end this life or will I stay for you…
Baby now that you are here I have a place to be…
It’s hard to stay, but it’s not about me…
I can’t bear to know that you’ll cry for me…
Even now, those words hit me hard. Because they remind me that sometimes what we call “love” is just fear — fear of being alone, fear of being nothing without them.
But I’ve learned that when you build yourself up, when you find peace in your own skin, you can give love freely — not as a plea for salvation, but as a gift.
So here’s my question to you:
Have you ever loved someone so much you lost yourself?
And what did it take to find yourself again?
Because if my story teaches anything, it’s this: real love doesn’t swallow you whole. It makes you more of who you already are.
— Yoda
Here are the full lyrics and a link to a video of the piano composition of this song. The words starts at 19 seconds. Verse 2 starts at 2 minutes and 23 seconds.
Ten Thousand Years
[verse 1]
In a time when I'm most alone
When all of my life seems so wrong
Asking myself, is there any point
With all this struggle going on
When using up my last piece of strength
Not caring if tomorrow comes
I see you there, appear before me
No more pains and fears
I've been told, that love
Can overshadow every woe
Yet I, question myself
And I don't know
[chorus]
Will I be the man that's able to provide for you
All the simple things in life that you deserve from me
I tell myself that I'll make it happen
There's no chance that I'm not going see this through
Can I be the man that let's you know I'll fight for you
I declare and I'm asking you to be with me
Babe I cross my heart, and I'll sell myself
There's nothing I won't do
[verse 2]
I know that you are fighting your fears
Of letting your guard down to love
You've been let down by guys in your past
You're afraid it'll end in tears
No one on earth not even God
Can guarantee eternal love
But this I know, my love for you
Will last at least ten thousand years
Close your eyes, and stand
Beside me as you take my hand
Come babe, walk by my side
We'll find the end......
[chorus]
Will I be the man that's able to provide for you
All the finer things in life that you deserve from me
I tell myself that I'll make it happen
There's no chance I'm going to let this through
Can I be the man that let's you know I'll fight for you
I declare and I'm asking you to age with me
Babe I cross my heart, and I'll sell my soul
There's nothing I won't do
Do I want to end this life or will I stay for you...
Baby now that you are here I have a place to be...
Its hard to stay, but it's not about me...
I can't bear to know that you'll cry for me...
Babe no matter what I'll find a way to live this through...
In a way that you will see the man I'm meant to be...
Please take my heart, to keep with you..
And see that I'll pull through....
Reflections of Yoda: Insights on Relationships with Escorts and Erotic Massage Professionals - Langtrees Escort Directory
A reflective journey on relationships with escorts. Heartfelt stories & advice navigating connections, enhancing understanding & respect in the community.
au.langtrees.com
When you sit with your past long enough, it stops feeling like a story and starts feeling like a mirror.
There was a chapter of my life that nearly consumed me — a love so fierce it felt like it could save me, only to realise later it was drowning me.
And it is illustrated in an interview I have featured before:
https://www.talkinsex.com/threads/interview-with-yoda-on-dating-a-working-lady.31316/
It started simply, like many things do. A meeting that became a connection. A connection that became a life together. For a time, it was heaven. For a time, I thought I had everything. And then, like the tide pulling out, I realised I was standing in the wreckage of something I didn’t know how to survive.
Back then, I thought I knew what love was. But the truth? I didn’t even know myself.
In those days, I wrote a song. I can still remember penning the words, a boy in his early 30s thinking he’d found the answer to all of life’s chaos. I called it Ten Thousand Years.
It went like this:
In a time when I’m most alone
When all of my life seems so wrong
Asking myself, is there any point
With all this struggle going on
When using up my last piece of strength
Not caring if tomorrow comes
I see you there, appear before me
No more pains and fears
I truly believed she’d saved me. And maybe she did.
Love Without Boundaries
Here’s the problem I see now: I thought sacrifice was the same thing as devotion. I thought if I emptied myself for her — gave her my time, my forgiveness, my everything — she’d fill me back up.
But that’s not love. That’s desperation dressed up as romance.
And it never works.
My spiritual teacher said something years later that cut me in two:
“When you lose yourself in someone else, you don’t give them love — you give them your emptiness and expect them to fill it.”
That was me. And it hurt us both.
I loved her recklessly, without discipline. And what starts as worship soon turns into resentment when you expect another person to carry the weight of your brokenness.
The Hard Truth
There’s a verse in that song that haunts me now:
Will I be the man that’s able to provide for you
All the simple things in life that you deserve from me
I tell myself that I’ll make it happen
There’s no chance that I’m not going to see this through
Even in those words, you can hear it: I didn’t love myself. I didn’t care for myself. I only knew how to sacrifice, and sacrifice without boundaries isn’t love — it’s self-destruction.
And when you don’t respect yourself, how can you expect anyone else to?
The Wisdom of Age
I’m almost 50 now. When I read those lyrics today, I see a man lost in obsession. A man trying to save someone when he couldn’t even save himself.
Would I undo it? No. I can’t regret what shaped me. That relationship, as beautiful and brutal as it was, became the forge that burned away the illusions I had about love.
I don’t hold anger for her anymore. I don’t wish to reconcile. I simply wish her peace. We shared moments of pure beauty in the middle of all that chaos, and that’s what I choose to keep.
What I’ve Learned
Love isn’t possession. It isn’t obsession. It isn’t “I’ll destroy myself to keep you.”
Love is presence. It’s the quiet knowing that you are enough as you are, and they are enough as they are. It’s giving from fullness, not emptiness.
If you’re in a relationship where you’ve lost yourself — hear this: pull yourself back.
Love them, yes. Give to them, yes. But don’t abandon yourself.
One Last Verse
The song ends like this:
Do I want to end this life or will I stay for you…
Baby now that you are here I have a place to be…
It’s hard to stay, but it’s not about me…
I can’t bear to know that you’ll cry for me…
Even now, those words hit me hard. Because they remind me that sometimes what we call “love” is just fear — fear of being alone, fear of being nothing without them.
But I’ve learned that when you build yourself up, when you find peace in your own skin, you can give love freely — not as a plea for salvation, but as a gift.
So here’s my question to you:
Have you ever loved someone so much you lost yourself?
And what did it take to find yourself again?
Because if my story teaches anything, it’s this: real love doesn’t swallow you whole. It makes you more of who you already are.
— Yoda
Here are the full lyrics and a link to a video of the piano composition of this song. The words starts at 19 seconds. Verse 2 starts at 2 minutes and 23 seconds.
Ten Thousand Years
[verse 1]
In a time when I'm most alone
When all of my life seems so wrong
Asking myself, is there any point
With all this struggle going on
When using up my last piece of strength
Not caring if tomorrow comes
I see you there, appear before me
No more pains and fears
I've been told, that love
Can overshadow every woe
Yet I, question myself
And I don't know
[chorus]
Will I be the man that's able to provide for you
All the simple things in life that you deserve from me
I tell myself that I'll make it happen
There's no chance that I'm not going see this through
Can I be the man that let's you know I'll fight for you
I declare and I'm asking you to be with me
Babe I cross my heart, and I'll sell myself
There's nothing I won't do
[verse 2]
I know that you are fighting your fears
Of letting your guard down to love
You've been let down by guys in your past
You're afraid it'll end in tears
No one on earth not even God
Can guarantee eternal love
But this I know, my love for you
Will last at least ten thousand years
Close your eyes, and stand
Beside me as you take my hand
Come babe, walk by my side
We'll find the end......
[chorus]
Will I be the man that's able to provide for you
All the finer things in life that you deserve from me
I tell myself that I'll make it happen
There's no chance I'm going to let this through
Can I be the man that let's you know I'll fight for you
I declare and I'm asking you to age with me
Babe I cross my heart, and I'll sell my soul
There's nothing I won't do
Do I want to end this life or will I stay for you...
Baby now that you are here I have a place to be...
Its hard to stay, but it's not about me...
I can't bear to know that you'll cry for me...
Babe no matter what I'll find a way to live this through...
In a way that you will see the man I'm meant to be...
Please take my heart, to keep with you..
And see that I'll pull through....