So where do I go from here..

[diddy]

Ok, this may be a bit of a rant, so bear with me.

I've been going out with my GF for over 3 years now, and things have been just great. We moved in together about a year back, and life has just carried on since then. Even though we share a house, we still keep two seperate rooms for now - just to keep things normal time to time. We do sleep together most of the time, but once in a while its great to get your own privacy. Its a great no-strings-attached system that has worked very well for both of us.

Now here's the dismal part - the sex life. In the last 3 years, I've only had sex about 6-7 times with her, and that too has been a challenge. To start off with, she never wants to get down to it because she says she's "shy". Even the 6-7 times that I've actually had sex, she's always wanted to be under the covers, as again, she's too shy to show her body. So that definitely counts off me getting any blowjobs (as she says its "dirty"), and i'm not allowed to go down on her either - something that I love more than anything else.

I've tried talking about it to her, tried getting her in the mood, read book.. pretty much everything, but to no avail. At the end I just sort of started giving up. Let it be clear though, that apart from the sex life, things have been just brilliant, and there's nothing that would make me want to give her up.

So off late, I've taken to seeing various WL's to get my satistfation there, and I can say that I don't have any guilt in doing so. Seeing WL's allows me to explore my sexual desires which I don't get at home - and then I come back and get everything else from my GF.

Now my question is this - I can't surely be attending to WL's all the time, each time my litlle johnny wants a play. Or can I? And I really don't want to leave her either. A few freinds have suggested to get a fuck buddy, but that's not someone you can just "get" now can you?

Anyhow care to help me in my dilemma?

 

[Curious1]

Dude it sounds like she has self image issues.
I think youd need to work on that area.

As to how to do that...im a soldier.....so i have no idea other than a shrink or something.
But im guessing to tell your girl to go see a shrink would have to be done with more tact than i can offer.
Hope the concept i suggest helps

 

[socool]

it happen to me with my ex aswell~~u need to be patient with her and have a lil chat with her about how u feel n etc~~ n giv her a lil bit more time i guess~~ wish u all the best

 

[fifoboy]

Dude it sounds like she has self image issues.
I think youd need to work on that area.

As to how to do that...im a soldier.....so i have no idea other than a shrink or something.
But im guessing to tell your girl to go see a shrink would have to be done with more tact than i can offer.
Hope the concept i suggest helps

Some sort of couples therapy I'd have thought, you'd want to make it a team thing, both of you talking it out. From there maybe she could go off to something one on one if required.

 

[Pleasure Me]

Just to add, it may be helpful to make sure that when you talk with her about it, you don't project it all onto her that it's her problem. I would definitely take the angle of the couples counselling to improve "our" intamacy so "we" can feel more comfortable, pleasure each other etc.

Even though it is her that is reluctant to be more adventurous, if you are to remain a couple it is as much to do with you as her.

Hope you guys are able to work through it, it may be a slow process, but worthwhile if you get through it.

 

[mech81]

She's definitely having some issues with body image and what she thinks her body symbolises. Just a thought that came to me...ever tried sensual dress-ups and just easing her into telling her how good she looks sensually? Might work...

Hope that helps

 

[bushseeker]

she wants a ring

no show in hell any chick is gonna keep turning it up with that lack of comitmentfor that length of time. - I give it a few months before shes shagging some other guy no covers and all the BJ he can handle
------------- until he ends up in your boat

 

[svengali]

Mate, I don't think you are going to change her.

She has obviously "set her course" so far as sex goes and there is nothing you can do to change that. Sure, you could issue the ultimatum and say if things don't impove you are outta there but even if you "win" and she opens up it will be a hollow victory because she won't be doing it for the right reasons. Her resentment at being forced will probably lead to bad sex (yes, there is such a thing, trust me) and a poisoned relationship.

You need to take stock of your own position and decide if you are content to stay with her and settle for a semi-celibate lifestyle with occasional (expensive) professional sex or seek greener pastures.

I would suggest you sit her down and explain your position fully and the options you have and see if she will try and meet you at least halfway. If she won't even try counselling or being a bit more accommodating towards your needs then hit the road.

Despite what the Buddhists say you only have one shot at life and it is too short to waste.

 

[marstafit1]

I'm totally in agreement with Sven here - if yr sexually non-compatible, its always a drama.

 

[biteme]

I agree with Sven & marstafit - with no physical connection apparent I fear that it would be a constant battle - and life should not be like that. Remain good friends if possible but both of you need someone else!!