problems with sexual desire in males...

[Kirra Bell]

So, this is a question I've been pondering for a while, partially due to personal situation and curiosity... how do you deal with the lack of sexual desire with a partner or SO? When even methods such as viagra, sexy underwear, or even methods that would normally work to increase desire and likelihood of either sexual contact or intimacy with a partner...
The society accepted norm, is that the male is generally the one with a higher libido not the female... But when roles are reversed, and the female is the one being told no to such things... how do we approach such a possibly delicate situation without causing upset one one or both Sides? Yes, we all have the ability to masturbate, but sometimes the intact of another's touch is more satisfying... Opinions and/or experiences on this would be muchly welcomed...

 

[Farm Boy 2]

What exact is lack of desire cant or wont do it at all. or cant do it 5 times a night ?

 

[Master Yoda]

Maybe.....when these things arise the source of the symptoms are more deep seated beyond physical attraction/stimulation issues.

 

[nobby01]

Would agree with Yoda. About deep seated issues.
I went from someone who could not keep his hands off his partner. Loved her moves and the way she reached out for me . But then we found ourselves in a environment that I was not comfortable with and my hands became idle for mths. The wife was pissed at this which lead to all sorts questions and accusations.

Environment change and my hands began to work overtime. Something is bugging this person. Seek it out.

 

[HappyPirate]

Ahoy;- Try the "Rum and Rub method", put the kids to bed, a little Rum, then do the Rub and Hopefully end up in a BanG. Cheers and Good luck

On a serious note;- The main reason I have punted my whole life, was not just the seeking off sex, but, to be able to touch a women, or be touched by a women

 

[Phil Pimper]

Find a new partner.

 

[Sophie Lee]

I've heard men are "shy" only because I'm the opposite, and although we may know Men think about sex alot, I'm beginning to think perhaps it's that women think about sex just as much and becoming more liberated about it, so if you think the guy seems confident, be aware it's our approach sometimes that can make a man sexually desire what you have to offer! (confused....)

 

[Dallas]

I talk to a lot of people online on various social network sites around the world and I find it common that the women with high sex drives seem to have partners that have low sex drives or ED issues caused by poor health or common medications to which ED and low libido are a side effect, or just work stress and depression.

Me on the other hand, I find my sex drive is too high and it's often just so annoying especially when it disturbs my sleep and trying to find a partner at my age that also has one has been almost impossible because they all seem to be in relationships - many with partners that have low sex drives which frustrates them like it does you. You ask an interesting question but I think most people's libido's are just mismatched.

Also viagra won't improve sexual desire, he needs more testosterone, how much exercise does he get? I'd get him to the gym doing some heavy lifting and if he's got poor circulation, get him out running or swimming for a couple of hours a day at least. I can vouch from personal experience that after 3 hours of swimming and surfing I'm as horny as hell and I'm 52.

 

[Kirra Bell]

What exact is lack of desire cant or wont do it at all. or cant do it 5 times a night ?

It can be either can't, due to uncontrollable circumstances, or won't being not feeling the urge or drive..

 

[ziggy]

We can all masturbate but it is just not the same as the physical touch of someone you attached to eg, I love woman , would rather touch and cuddle . I guess to answer your question, I don't know, I suppose we all have different levels of desire. Frankly if my level of desire was low, I would not be on this site!

 

[Kirra Bell]

Maybe.....when these things arise the source of the symptoms are more deep seated beyond physical attraction/stimulation issues.

Yes, this is true... personally I've seen it to arise from age gaps, plus men reach sexual peak younger than women, at 18, and women at 30... I must be an anomaly I can't get enough... when I have a week off, I go nuts...

Would agree with Yoda. About deep seated issues.
I went from someone who could not keep his hands off his partner. Loved her moves and the way she reached out for me . But then we found ourselves in a environment that I was not comfortable with and my hands became idle for mths. The wife was pissed at this which lead to all sorts questions and accusations
Environment change and my hands began to work overtime. Something is bugging this person. Seek it out.

Sounds familiar, weekend away has been planned for next weekend as it's my 22nd.. hoping it works

Ahoy;- Try the "Rum and Rub method", put the kids to bed, a little Rum, then do the Rub and Hopefully end up in a BanG. Cheers and Good luck

On a serious note;- The main reason I have punted my whole life, was not just the seeking off sex, but, to be able to touch a women, or be touched by a women

Haha, HP I'll have to pinch one of those bottles you always have...

Find a new partner.

That's rather harsh, I am not one to base relationships of sex alone, but feelings, connections and mutual adoration or love... regardless, I posted this as a w a y to get other guys insights...

 

[Kirra Bell]

Maybe.....when these things arise the source of the symptoms are more deep seated beyond physical attraction/stimulation issues.

Yes, this is true... personally I've seen it to arise from age gaps, plus men reach sexual peak younger than women, at 18, and women at 30... I must be an anomaly I can't get enough... when I have a week off, I go nuts...

Would agree with Yoda. About deep seated issues.
I went from someone who could not keep his hands off his partner. Loved her moves and the way she reached out for me . But then we found ourselves in a environment that I was not comfortable with and my hands became idle for mths. The wife was pissed at this which lead to all sorts questions and accusations
Environment change and my hands began to work overtime. Something is bugging this person. Seek it out.

Sounds familiar, weekend away has been planned for next weekend as it's my 22nd.. hoping it works

Ahoy;- Try the "Rum and Rub method", put the kids to bed, a little Rum, then do the Rub and Hopefully end up in a BanG. Cheers and Good luck

On a serious note;- The main reason I have punted my whole life, was not just the seeking off sex, but, to be able to touch a women, or be touched by a women

Haha, HP I'll have to pinch one of those bottles you always have...

Find a new partner.

That's rather harsh, I am not one to base relationships of sex alone, but feelings, connections and mutual adoration or love... regardless, I posted this as a w a y to get other guys insights...

 

[Kirra Bell]

I talk to a lot of people online on various social network sites around the world and I find it common that the women with high sex drives seem to have partners that have low sex drives or ED issues caused by poor health or common medications to which ED and low libido are a side effect, or just work stress and depression.

Me on the other hand, I find my sex drive is too high and it's often just so annoying especially when it disturbs my sleep and trying to find a partner at my age that also has one has been almost impossible because they all seem to be in relationships - many with partners that have low sex drives which frustrates them like it does you. You ask an interesting question but I think most people's libido's are just mismatched.

Also viagra won't improve sexual desire, he needs more testosterone, how much exercise does he get? I'd get him to the gym doing some heavy lifting and if he's got poor circulation, get him out running or swimming for a couple of hours a day at least. I can vouch from personal experience that after 3 hours of swimming and surfing I'm as horny as hell and I'm 52.

He used to work out at least three times a week, but due to a severe car accident leaving him with three (I think it's right phrase) herniated discs in his back, he has to see a chiropractor constantly if he goes to gym. I, myself have been put on a regime by my specialist team at king Edwards of using hydrotherapy pools for my stomach pains, and he joins me there, but otherwise he's usually at work(DJiing or sparky) this is the first relationship that I've had a partner with low libido, and I've dated another guy at same age, (27). But yes its frustrating, because where people will laugh and say, to masturbate, for me I love the intimacy of human connection, vibratory or my hands don't really talk back so much, lol. Thank you for your insight though, it's nice to know I'm not only one out there

 

[Phil Pimper]

Adios Amigo

 

[nobby01]

Going away for the weekend as a couple can make or break you . It can be a daunting experience and uncertainties if you are taking the pressures away with you.
Have some thought about what he may be going through in regards to the accident . He might just be reliving it on a daily basis. I only say this because I have been dealing with a similar situation for the last 6mths.

Goodluck for your weekend hope the sun is out and the wine and beer flow..Not Rum

 

[Farm Boy 2]

but due to a severe car accident leaving him with three (I think it's right phrase) herniated discs in his back,



Sweetly one herniated disk is bad news

 

[Dallas]

He used to work out at least three times a week, but due to a severe car accident leaving him with three (I think it's right phrase) herniated discs in his back, he has to see a chiropractor constantly if he goes to gym. I, myself have been put on a regime by my specialist team at king Edwards of using hydrotherapy pools for my stomach pains, and he joins me there, but otherwise he's usually at work(DJiing or sparky) this is the first relationship that I've had a partner with low libido, and I've dated another guy at same age, (27). But yes its frustrating, because where people will laugh and say, to masturbate, for me I love the intimacy of human connection, vibratory or my hands don't really talk back so much, lol. Thank you for your insight though, it's nice to know I'm not only one out there

This makes so much sense now. I know many people who've been injured and especially with back problems have found their libidos have suffered. I went for years with my ex like this and she'd tell me to masturbate like an orgasm was all I wanted from her I totally know what you mean, for me too, the sex was far more about touch and intimacy of the human connection - even just cuddles were like gold when I could get them. This too was the problem I faced seeing w/l's for the first time, sometimes I needed sex but often I just needed cuddles kisses and to talk and as you know that's not something you can pick from a profile or even request. So I had to see many to get one or two where we had this kind if a connection and rapport. I'm also sorry to hear you have stomach pains, that must make work difficult for you sometimes, I hope they can resolve it for you.

 

[Dallas]

Hey Kirra, my ex was telling me, she had a herniated disk and it was so painful, she just lost interest in everything, this may well be your issue... he may be play down the severity of the pain.. and it's effects.

 

[Kirra Bell]

but due to a severe car accident leaving him with three (I think it's right phrase) herniated discs in his back,



Sweetly one herniated disk is bad news

Yes, a lot of time I give him back rubs, and it's painful for me to touch them, as you can see it if he bends forward. I love the boy regardless, he just spent the weekend looking after screaming kirra (wisdoms teeth) and I know he's always there for me...

 

[Kirra Bell]

This makes so much sense now. I know many people who've been injured and especially with back problems have found their libidos have suffered. I went for years with my ex like this and she'd tell me to masturbate like an orgasm was all I wanted from her I totally know what you mean, for me too, the sex was far more about touch and intimacy of the human connection - even just cuddles were like gold when I could get them. This too was the problem I faced seeing w/l's for the first time, sometimes I needed sex but often I just needed cuddles kisses and to talk and as you know that's not something you can pick from a profile or even request. So I had to see many to get one or two where we had this kind if a connection and rapport. I'm also sorry to hear you have stomach pains, that must make work difficult for you sometimes, I hope they can resolve it for you.

The doctors at king Edwards are working on a management plan for my stomach and have now decided one more surgery at the end of this year to try a remove issue.. yes that is exactly what I feel like... But we should get through it I love him dearly.

 

[asianguy77]

Yes...there is that perception that a guy is horny 24/7...i think in most this is only at the onset of puberty lol...Therefore, when a guy is not horny especially if he has a beautiful girlfriend or wife...people will be asking whats the matter with him. This perceived pressure as to why he isnt horny just compounds the situation as the harder he tries the softer it gets.

Its often thought that with guys is just physical...but psychological plays a huge part. It is in fact the big head does control the little head. Therefore things such as stress...work....and in the example u provided an injury can result in less sexual desire

 

[Panadeine321]

I went through something very similar, it all came down to chronic back pain.

He might not even realise just how much pain he's in. You kind of learn to deal with it and without active management it can get out of control.
The first time it truly goes away you notice just how bad it really is and that its effecting every part of your life.
Girlfriend and I went from a crazy amount of sex to only once or twice a week. It wasn't from a lack of want but more a sub conscious knowledge of the excruciating pain as soon as you wake up the next morning.
As soon as I got some proper pain management happening the libido ame back immediately.

If hes not on anything super strong at the moment a quick test would be to get him to take 3x nurophen plus along with 3x panadeine extras. It's a safe dose that should give a lot of relief.

 

[homer]

I find this very unusual miss Bell. You can say 99.999999% of men are horny pricks. Very unusual to refuse sex of any form. Unless there's something wrong with them mentally or they are not as straight as one may think. They may prefer sticks than driving an auto.

 

[Kirra Bell]

Homer. You always have a way to make me giggle.

 

[Dallas]

Yes...there is that perception that a guy is horny 24/7...i think in most this is only at the onset of puberty lol...Therefore, when a guy is not horny especially if he has a beautiful girlfriend or wife...people will be asking whats the matter with him. This perceived pressure as to why he isnt horny just compounds the situation as the harder he tries the softer it gets.

Its often thought that with guys is just physical...but psychological plays a huge part. It is in fact the big head does control the little head. Therefore things such as stress...work....and in the example u provided an injury can result in less sexual desire

This is so true! I've often been insanely horny for days, and had to plan a trip to fly to Perth to see a WL only to find by the time I flew 4500 km and had little sleep, booked into a hotel, spent ages showering and all that, drove across Perth, got caught in freeway traffic wondering if I'd get to my booking on time, then finally arrived - the last thing I actually felt like was sex. If the lady said, I don't feel like sex today how about cuddling and talking I'd be thinking YES!!!.. then I'd get home a few days later and I'd be horny again. So yes, stress and psychological issues play a huge part.

 

[svengali]

I would definitely say the car accident is the root of the problem for two reasons:

Ongoing pain, even at a low level impacts at so many levels. It disturbs sleep quality so that while you may be asleep for long enough the rest and recovery just doesn't happen. The mind can override pain and put it aside to allow normal functioning but mental health suffers - everything from wild mood swings to severe depression.

The impact of accident itself also should not be underestimated. Trauma wreaks havoc on both body and mind and recovery takes time.

Addressing both of these problems and your own health issues would go a long way towards improving your relationship.

 

[homer]

Homer. You always have a way to make me giggle.

Your welcome miss Bell. Humour makes the BS spin around a tad faster....me thinks. Someday I may cum and ring your bells. lol...

 

[Kirra Bell]

Your welcome miss Bell. Humour makes the BS spin around a tad faster....me thinks. Someday I may cum and ring your bells. lol...

I hope that day comes soon!!! You've kept me waiting

 

[XLNC]

I think I have always had an average-to-high sex drive (which has gotten me into trouble in the past ), with slightly above average testosterone. While my desire continues unabated, the equipment is much less reliable these days, which has certainly dented my self-confidence and is a major reason for seeing MLs/WLs rather than finding someone 'in the real world'. So that can be a frustrating combination too!

You and your beau sound like you care for each other a lot so I can't imagine he would want to leave you unsatisfied and rely on self-service. Even if his desire has been affected by his injury, with some gentle encouragement, he could still pleasure you in other ways without having to perform himself. Best wishes.

 

[Kirra Bell]

I think I have always had an average-to-high sex drive (which has gotten me into trouble in the past ), with slightly above average testosterone. While my desire continues unabated, the equipment is much less reliable these days, which has certainly dented my self-confidence and is a major reason for seeing MLs/WLs rather than finding someone 'in the real world'. So that can be a frustrating combination too!

You and your beau sound like you care for each other a lot so I can't imagine he would want to leave you unsatisfied and rely on self-service. Even if his desire has been affected by his injury, with some gentle encouragement, he could still pleasure you in other ways without having to perform himself. Best wishes.

We do, we sat down together and are working on new ways to pleasure not just myself, but to also help increase his desire and satisfy him as well, this week is going to trial it all and see how we go...
Thank you to everyone for all your input, it's been an incredible help to us both, as well as some interesting stories you have all shared... and now I know hope is not lost...