Needing answers about a brothel

[Twinkle1234]

To anyone that is reading this, thanks for being dropping in. I've this curiousity that is driving me INSANE!! 2 months ago I found 2 receipts belonging to my husband with about $260 each and did a google of the place. I was numbed when I found it was the 'The boardroom' on market street melbourne - A brothel! My world shattered and I was dumb-founded. Hubby came home and I asked to see his statement and it came up very differently and he said it was a restaurant at Crown which there really is. If it weren't for the address on the receipt I would have believed him. You see, he used to lie to me when we were dating, tiny harmless white lies and I would forgive him. Anyway, I asked him who he went there with and he said himself (I questioned him few weeks later he told me with a colleague). I asked what he did there, he said he had a lap dance. I asked why would he spend over $260 for a lap dance when he could be 'doing it' with a lady. He said all he did was touch her hands and legs, and that they have 'cubicle's at 'The boardoom' where lap dancing happens. I don't know whether he is teling me the truth or whether he is lying to me. The question is, do they have lap dancers at brothels - in this particular brothel? Are there really lap dancing cubicle? It has been driving me crazy trying to figure out whether he is lying or not. A marriage will not be a marriage without trust and this will determine which way I should be taking or seriously should be thinking about it. Is 'the boardroom' brothel on market street just for sex or do they provide lap dancing services? Hope there is someone out there that can clear this for me. I'm going insane.

Thx...

 

[happytimes]

Hi Twinkle1234, Usually most brothels use some other kind of receipt on a credit card statement.
As for a lap dance yes he may of just requested that only.

The thing is those little white lies become bigger and people that lie have got to have a very good memory.
As people that don't lie don't have to worry about slipping up.
Reading between the lines i think you don't believe him, so that trust you once had is already lost.

So you are the only one who can make your decision. Though as i said you can just about request most things at a brothel.
Though it is alot of money to pay for a lap dance where you can usually get one at a strip club for much less.

I can't judge anyone on here or no one else can, you are the only one who can make judgement on your situation.
This isn't much help to you i guess but at least you do know now you can just get that sort of thing if that's all you want. Good luck.

 

[Sir Stefan]

Main reason that a Guy would visit a brothel would be to experience what he is not experiencing at home.... So ball's in your court to some extent... spice up what's on the menu at home and your guy will never want to be late home!

 

[Twinkle1234]

Thank you for the responses. He is not getting 'enough' at home I admit but we're married with 2 young kids and I'd have thought that family should come first and he should have acted with him brain not his dick. I needed to know only one thing about the place to determine if he was truthful to me in the end. Just one thing - whether they have 'cubicle's there for private lap dancing because he said he didn't go all the way and that they were not in a 'room'. He said there are lap dancing and pole dancing there but as you mention happytime, why go pay more at a brothel where you can see them at a strip bar. He has acted all nice towards me as if nothing happened but if he lied about this that there is just no going back. Thanks again for your help.

 

[happytimes]

Hi Twinkle1234 , I am not from Melbourne so they may have that sort of thing at certain brothels.

As for Perth they do have cubicles at certain places,example Adult Bookshops and Accessories and strip places but i have never come across one at a brothel.

I think what Sir Stefan said, says it all.

 

[Cluboz2]

Just curious Twinkle1234, you say in your opening post in this thread that your "Husband" but your profile says "I am registering as: Single Female ??? We also agree with Sir Stefans reply.

 

[Twinkle1234]

Cluboz2, well, with this insanity I am 'single', or there should be a status that says 'pre-single'.

 

[Sir Stefan]

Cluboz2, well, with this insanity I am 'single', or there should be a status that says 'pre-single'.

I understand you are feeling 'hurt' or let down... but if I am reading your words right it sounds like you have already decided that execution will be the penalty... before the jury has heard the case.

Just offering this as friendly advice, with a suggestion that you clear your head and look forward and consider what life has been like with your man and what it may be like without him... and forgiveness costs nothing if you truly love your man... on the other hand if you don't love him then take this 'opportunity' to show him the door... but think beyond that decision before you lock the door behind him.

 

[Brandy]

Hi. We all want to be the only exclusive object of our partner's desire don't we? Your husband probably loves you and your children infinitely, but many men (from experience) enjoy sexual gratification that is unfamiliar (meaning not you) and it has zero bearing on their love for their wives.

that fact is one that society has yet to address. I am a woman, and i know women who work in the sex industry. They feel the same way we do! Cruelly, we are brought up to believe that most men will want only the woman they choose to marry, and that we'll be enough to meet their every need. It appears that 70% of the time the man having sex with his wife is expressing love, affection, and strengthening a sacred bonding marriage vow. The other 30% of the time her is just meeting a physical need as pleasureably as he can, be it with his wife (while fantasing about something else) or looking at porn, or getting a lapdance (or a handjob etc etc).
It may be very good to discuss these things with your other half, it might bring you two into a place of greater trust. Are your needs being met ? And I do believe there are men who want their needs met by only one. Not many, mind you, but they are out there.

 

[Twinkle1234]

Hi Brandy,

Thanks for the reply and I totally agree with you. I know his needs are not met but it doesn't mean he should act on it. We all have our fantasies and it's up to us how far we want take them. My needs are not met but that doesn't mean I should go out and look for it to be met. It not me and him now, but we are in charge our 2 little kids' lives as well. I have to think of my kids ... they keep me grounded. I told him, the minute he stepped through those doors, he was only thinking about himself. Even when I brought it up with him, he said they have lap dancers and pole dancers there. I half believe him because I'd have thought you would go to strip clubs for that and not brothels, hence the curiousity of wanting to find out whether they have those services. I know you can request them to do so, what according to my 'hubby', it's one of the servcies where they have cubicles and ppl waiting outside. If someone could just tell me whether 'the boardoom' on market street in melbourne only provides escort and sexual services, then it proves he was still lying to me till the end. I'll not get an answer from him and I'm just dying to know. Thinkiing of paying that place a visit myself. Life is cruel. My heart has been aching everyday and I hate it.

 

[corneus]

If someone could just tell me whether 'the boardoom' on market street in melbourne only provides escort and sexual services,

Ring them up and ask them.I'm sure you'll find their number in the yellow pages.

$260 sounds like a hell of a lot for a lap dance..:

:hello:

edit..in fact, check out their website.. The Boardroom of Melbourne - Tour and Services

 

[Twinkle1234]

Hi Corneus. I've been to their web site, googled everything and was lucky to stumble across this website. I suppose I want to prove myself wrong that he was telling me the truth in the end ... I think I want to prove to myself that he can tell me the truth and that I can still trust him.

SirStefan: Its anger/sadness in my heart that lead me to classify myself as single. I do love him and have been giving him tons of benefit of doubt. I don't wnat to close the door behind him. I can't move backwards and I can't move forward. He has lied and I gave him an ultimatum. Lie again or else. How can you trust someone who said he will never lie and you trust him only to find him doing it again? The problem now is also myself. I'm stuck with feeling like this and if I give him a chance, there will always be a big question mark - anything that he does will be a question mark and I can't live like this. Marriage is about trust. You can forgive but trust takes a long time to build. I want to trust and be happy again. At the moment it's still denial/anger which I'm desperately to shake off. Its an awful awful awful feeling. How can one shake off the thought of a love one touching someone else. THe man I thought I knew isn't the man I thought I knew. Girls at brothels are pretty, full bust. After 2 nights of that why would he want to come home to second best? I have small breasts and now I have insecurity about myself. One act of deceit has caused a whole lot of complications - on my part. I'm feeling depressed, insecure, unloved, betrayed. I really don't want to live like this and feel like this everytime I feel that he has done something wrong. Even if I close the door behind him, how do one mend a broken heart??

 

[AmyMonroe]

Perhaps have a look at the escort forum FIA Home *you will need to register*, they are predominately Melb based and have a dedicated thread to each brothel, private escort, massage parlours in Vic, and you should find your answers there.

I have never read anything in the forums about the boardroom offering lapdances only, let alone having a private cubicles for them, and I certainly didnt see any evidence of that when I had a tour there in 2003.

I would also like to say that your perception of the ladies who work in the sex industry is a little off. You are seeing in your mind the preconceived idea of what a sex worker is, and in reality that couldnt be further from the truth. Women who work in the sex industry are of all shapes and sizes, from a petite size 6 to a size 20, with just as much variation in breast size and age. In fact you could easily describe most woman who work in brothels as being completely standard in looks and body type. Sure there will also be some with huge boobs and some with model looks, and some with gym bodies, but there are also the same amount of women who are completely average, and could in fact be a suburban mum (and in fact many are)

Its obvious that the reason your husband has lied about this, is because he knows hes been caught out, and hes trying to minimise the hurt by telling you pork pies about what went on. I will say as well that in ALL Melb parlours its a legal requirement for ALL ladies to have a current doctors certificate stating they have been tested for sexually transmitted diseases and this must be supplied each and every month. Safe sex is also absolutely encouraged, and ladies who do offer things like natural oral are often ostricised by their fellow workers. There are though some parlours where this is available as the norm.....although the requirement for a doctors cert still stands.

I'm really sorry that you are going through this, and my suggestion would be to contact somewhere like Relationships Australia for some counselling either on your own or with your partner. It will help you to communicate more clearly how his breach of trust has affected you, and also help him to take responsibilities for his actions, and will also allow you both to explore why he did this.

I know its not much consolation, but if a man strays its far better with a professional that some floozy he picks up at the pub. Sex workers are safe sex experts because our bodies are our business...so in that sense its a much safer option, I know it dosnt help with your feeling hes betrayed you, but at least you can stop worrying he might have contracted some sort of sti

My thoughts are with you
All the best
Amy

 

[mtmfan]

As you stated he is not getting 'enough' at home, maybe he feels by visiting The Boardroom he can get what he needs.
As long he comes home and treats you and the kids in a decent manner, you should be able to work things out.
I have friends with kids and they seem to able to make time for themselves.
Perhaps you could try and work out something so you two have time to yourselves.
Kids visting grandparents, or if they get invited to a birthday party.
You may not have all day, but make the best of the time you get.
Just a thought.

 

[Twinkle1234]

Amy, *hugs*. THanks for you reply. I think in my mind I knew the truth, but i'm trying to hold on to something, however minute that he cared enough not to hurt me . It's time I say thanks to all out there that 'listened' and care enough to reply. It's time I retreat myself back to my life. He'll be back from his trip Sat arvo, and it's time I tell him what I know and see what he says. I'll never be able to look at him the same anymore - I'm not his princess, I don't feel special anymore. Thanks again.

 

[Twinkle1234]

As you stated he is not getting 'enough' at home, maybe he feels by visiting The Boardroom he can get what he needs.
As long he comes home and treats you and the kids in a decent manner, you should be able to work things out.
I have friends with kids and they seem to able to make time for themselves.
Perhaps you could try and work out something so you two have time to yourselves.
Kids visting grandparents, or if they get invited to a birthday party.
You may not have all day, but make the best of the time you get.
Just a thought.

Before that I thought we could at least work things out - at least it was just me and him and our marriage and sex life to work out. There was still hope. What hope is there left. I could do that if I didn't find out that he has been satisfying himself with someone else.

 

[Brandy]

Hi Brandy,

Thanks for the reply and I totally agree with you. I know his needs are not met but it doesn't mean he should act on it. We all have our fantasies and it's up to us how far we want take them. My needs are not met but that doesn't mean I should go out and look for it to be met. It not me and him now, but we are in charge our 2 little kids' lives as well. I have to think of my kids ... they keep me grounded. I told him, the minute he stepped through those doors, he was only thinking about himself. Even when I brought it up with him, he said they have lap dancers and pole dancers there. I half believe him because I'd have thought you would go to strip clubs for that and not brothels, hence the curiousity of wanting to find out whether they have those services. I know you can request them to do so, what according to my 'hubby', it's one of the servcies where they have cubicles and ppl waiting outside. If someone could just tell me whether 'the boardoom' on market street in melbourne only provides escort and sexual services, then it proves he was still lying to me till the end. I'll not get an answer from him and I'm just dying to know. Thinkiing of paying that place a visit myself. Life is cruel. My heart has been aching everyday and I hate it.

Hi again. Honestly Twinkle, do you really feel that knowing for sure that the Boardroom has lap dance options will make any differnce to your trust in your husband. Wake up ! Yes, many Melbourne Gent's clubs offer such facilities, as they offer a bar and a cappucino machine and a pool table. But seeing that changes NOITHING. The ladies perform their job for the money. They have No interst in your husband. They may pride themselves on a job well done, but they wouldn't speak with him if he weren't paying. $260 is high for a lap danceby Melbourne standards. You are "picking at a wound". It was probably enjoyable but meant nothing emotuional to him. You need to ask him if he wants to be monogamous, or wants to have the occassional fun outside of marriage. The ramifications are huge. Your sense of family and self esteem is threatened, and I understand that. But you need to ask yourself if it matters that much. If you want him exclusive;ly you must re think your realtionship. If you can turn a blind eye you may find it was a one of and he'll nevr do it again. If he can't be the guy you wnt him to be, perhaps you need to re evaluate your marriage. Just take some sort of action now. You may be stronger for it. Or, find a source of joy of your own, but be honest. What's good for the Gander is good for the Goose! But women's sexuality is oft tie to our emotions and Mums are tired. We exchnge our vitality to our children. Men don't. Think about what you want. But bury that bone.

 

[1hothoney]

i went for a job interview at the boardroom, and sad to say, there are no lapdances provided there. it is full service in a room, there are no lap dancing cubicles.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

Good luck xox

 

[Brandy]

I think we've all said everything there is to say. A wonderful bunch of discussion, I'm sure Twinkle isn't the only wife who read this panel this week.