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Need advice!!

  • Thread starter Thread starter OhSoMischievous
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OhSoMischievous

I am 28/S/F I’ve been single for many years and have always had a very healthy sexual appetite. I lost my virginity at a young age and have always been open in my sexual explorations. However for about the past two years I’ve found that I was starting to have more and more of a problem reaching orgasm. I’m still pretty much always horny but I no longer find sex satisfying. I do enjoy the intimacy but am always left feeling rather unfulfilled after intercourse. I’ve tried more foreplay to increase my build up but it’s just not enough. I get bored easily with a partner and start feeling guilty when I begin pushing them away and getting ready for the next guy (they really are nice guys and I do care about them as friends just lose sexual interest fast).

When I do masturbate I’ve found that my fantasies have become quite dark. Though I do not have any real desire to live any of these fantasies out, I can’t seem to reach an orgasm without them.

Has anyone ever had a similar problem? I am becoming quite frustrated and would appreciate any advice. Thank you in advance.
 
Hi OSM, I've found a lot of women the same. It often takes a lot for them to admit where their dark place is - but once they do and start to go there, sex works for them on a whole different level.
Most of the women who want to open the world of being a real sex slave, or being a sub describe these feelings.
 
Yes I understand that but its hard enough to connect and find someone in a traditional sense, now I apparently will never find fulfillment unless I open the door to my dark fantasies? That would take a whole new level of trust that frankly I don't know if I'm capable of. I know that I'm very guarded and have trust issues and all that, I imagine a lot of people do but that never affected my sex life before.
I spent an incredible evening with an old lover that took his time massaging me for an hour which led to a sexual massage (and I was quite relaxed and aroused) which turned oral sex and then intercourse (and he is very well endowed) for another two hours and I still couldn't climax. Granted my level of attraction towards him has changed quite a bit but everything he did felt amazing and something was still off. What is my problem?
 
This is not something a young woman should have to deal with and it is beyond my limited psychological experience. I, too, indulge in "dark" fantasies but only on my own - never when I am engaged in sex. Certainly, I would find it very hard to admit to these thoughts and describe them in detail to anyone else, sex partner or otherwise.

I believe fantasy of any kind, even the violent kind, is harmless until it reaches the point where it starts to intrude on daily life, as it appears to have with you. It isn't easy but I would strongly advise you to talk to a trusted G.P. and ask him/her to refer you to a Psychologist who is experienced in dealing with sexual problems. I would be very surprised if you are the first person to have this problem and I would bet money there is a fairly straight-forward solution.
 
You're probably right that I should seek professional help with this matter but I never felt comfortable going to a Psychologist. In a way I think I may even know what I need but I just don't know how to get it. That's why I started this thread in hopes that someone that has experienced something similar reads this and can maybe advise me.
 
The first think you ned to do is admit what you need - then find someone who can satsify it. You have to be honest with yourself - you've heard the expression "the truth will set you free"
 
Sounds to me like you are holding something back and it's inhibiting your personal growth. Now I'm not going to pry into your private life and press you on it, but I agree with the suggestions about counselling. It's perfectly fair enough to want to have multiple partners and/or be single if that makes you happy (and nobody gets hurt), but it sounds to me like that's not making you happy at the moment.

A good psychologist will really help. I've battled depression on and off since I was a teenager and I've been lucky enough to have a core group of very good people around me who have been there for me when I retreated into that dark place. Not everyone has that though and those who don't should at least think about an unbiased 3rd party. This is in no way a sermon and I don't want it to come off that way, but it sounds like you could benefit from a sympathetic ear.
 
A question from a humble farmer are you taking antidepressant medication this some times has the effect you are describing.
 
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