My Partner Is Beautiful But I Can't Climax

[MrJwhite]

Not sure if this is the correct post,
But lately having no luck in reaching an orgasm with my partner, even after an enthusiastic hour of love making.

Sometimes she feels as though it is her fault not stimulating me enough,
Seen GP, no medical issues, or major stresses.
My partner is a vivacious and beautiful lady, we are both highly adventurous with sex.
Anyone else have similar experiences or ways to combat?

Happy Punting,

 

[Tania Admin]

I moved this to its own Thread. I believe it's a topic of its own and will be more informative this way

 

[Langtrees VIP Darwin]

I think this is an awesome thread. I doubt you are on your own in this. It is actually more common then we think and not necessary associated with your performance. Sometimes it could be medication that causes this problem, even diabetes. If its none of these, then This is normal, but often disconcerting." Aging also weakens the pelvic floor muscles, whose contractions trigger an ejaculation. When these muscles weaken, semen dribbles out and orgasms may provide little pleasure.
(Im not saying your ancient by the way)
Lovemaking involves giving and receiving pleasure, but some men believe their only job is to give it. "When a man pays too much attention to his partner's experience and not enough to his own, he loses erotic focus, which can interfere with orgasm and ejaculation,".
Show your partner exactly what works for you, and coach your partner to provide it. You may feel bashful about demonstrating something that's usually private. But doing so not only teaches your lover what you need, it also involves self-revelation, which deepens the intimacy in your relationship.

 

[Langtrees VIP Darwin]

Actually if you was comfortable with your partner, maybe you could talk about prostrate massaging, this might help you.!!
Prostate massage is also used for sexual stimulation, often in order to reach orgasm. The prostate is sometimes referred to as the "male G-spot". Some men can achieve orgasm solely through stimulation of the prostate gland, such as prostate massage or receptiveanal intercourse, and men who report the sensation of prostate stimulation often give descriptions similar to females' accounts of G-spot stimulation. Prostate stimulation can produce stronger and more powerful orgasms than solely penile stimulation

 

[figjam]

Speedy deposit technique used at sperm banks.

 

[Mrs Langtrees]

A book called multi orgasmic man may be very helpful

 

[Dallas]

I think this is an awesome thread. I doubt you are on your own in this. It is actually more common then we think and not necessary associated with your performance. Sometimes it could be medication that causes this problem, even diabetes. If its none of these, then This is normal, but often disconcerting." Aging also weakens the pelvic floor muscles, whose contractions trigger an ejaculation. When these muscles weaken, semen dribbles out and orgasms may provide little pleasure.
(Im not saying your ancient by the way)
Lovemaking involves giving and receiving pleasure, but some men believe their only job is to give it. "When a man pays too much attention to his partner's experience and not enough to his own, he loses erotic focus, which can interfere with orgasm and ejaculation,".
Show your partner exactly what works for you, and coach your partner to provide it. You may feel bashful about demonstrating something that's usually private. But doing so not only teaches your lover what you need, it also involves self-revelation, which deepens the intimacy in your relationship.

This is awesome information! thanks!! I've had similar issues in previous relationships and now reading this, I think it was probably down to just what you said, being so excited and enthusiastic to focus on her needs that I never focused on myself enough to get in the right mind space to get there.

When it has worked for me really well in a relationship, is when I've felt too tired for sex and she's been persistent so I just laid there not focusing on trying to please her at all while she rides me, almost a little annoyed that she didn't take no for an answer yet enjoying being used for her pleasure and thinking, well nothings going to happen so there's no pressure or stress ... and then it turns out to be amazing!!

 

[XLNC]

...Lovemaking involves giving and receiving pleasure, but some men believe their only job is to give it. "When a man pays too much attention to his partner's experience and not enough to his own, he loses erotic focus, which can interfere with orgasm and ejaculation,"...

Yep, been there a few times! I start off a session with a very respectable woody, am highly aroused throughout (if not as hard continuously), but after lavishing my attention on her for much of the time, find that we have run out of time to get me over the line. I think I probably would have made it eventually, but don't operate too well under pressure -- a long slow build-up works better for me.

I don't really mind though because seeing, hearing, feeling -- and if I'm lucky, tasting -- her orgasm is a fantastic treat in itself, but it can take a bit of convincing so she doesn't think it's her fault or a big let-down for me. Some sweet ladies actually seem to feel a bit guilty that they were remunerated and were the only one to climax, but I reassure them the journey for me is often (almost) as joyful as the destination.

 

[JustMe]

Perhaps men, as we get older, subconsciously feel guilty about many of those times in our youth where once we were satisfied we often stopped and didn't put in enough effort to ensure our partner was likewise satisfied. Payback time so to speak. Or we're now being punished.

 

[Mrs Langtrees]

Climax is not necessary to still have great sex

 

[Lacie4U]

Perhaps men, as we get older, subconsciously feel guilty about many of those times in our youth where once we were satisfied we often stopped and didn't put in enough effort to ensure our partner was likewise satisfied. Payback time so to speak. Or we're now being punished.

That is an interesting point you raise Just Me.
I dont equate knowledge gained from experience as punishment. I think you are wise to actually acknowledge that this may be one reason . I think the older men are confident and with each experience there is a deeper understanding of the female body and responses during love making. I also think it extends beyond a physical need to just copulate to reproduce ( primal unconscious thought) men and women are much more well read but with age come confidence to not be fearful . Age allows the concept of lovemaking to B on many differing levels .

 

[homer]

Make the journey worth its while...I guess the focus shouldn't be put on you shooting your protein load. And place no blame on no one if your cannon did not fire. This will cause unnecessary stress. It's in the mind I reckon, mindgasm.....

 

[Lacie4U]

The mind is such a powerful sex organ and deeply erogenous..

 

[Summer fun]

I think this can happen when your partner arouses you, but maybe not enough to make you climax , or when you are tired or thinking about other issues . Your body is aroused, but your mind isn't aroused enough to get you there fully

 

[Elimental]

Hey Mate,
just wanted to add to this. your not alone.
i myself have experienced such problems with all my partners from the young age of 17.
Maybe one in every 4 - 5 times i have intercourse i climax.
i have never climaxed via BJ
and have only recently climaxed after a HJ after visiting a very talented lady at a AMP.

I honestly think there is so much truth to the saying of the brain is the biggest sex organ.
I know it is hard. but honestly you should try and let go not think about it (i know thats hard).
But i want to say good on you for putting your partners needs before yours in the bedroom
alot of the time these days with the whole hit it and quit it mentality sex has changed into something very onesided.

Eli from Darwin

 

[Phoebe]

A book called multi orgasmic man may be very helpful

I heard all the pages of that book are stuck together... so it must work.....

 

[Dallas]

Hey Mate,
just wanted to add to this. your not alone.
i myself have experienced such problems with all my partners from the young age of 17.
Maybe one in every 4 - 5 times i have intercourse i climax.
i have never climaxed via BJ
and have only recently climaxed after a HJ after visiting a very talented lady at a AMP.

I honestly think there is so much truth to the saying of the brain is the biggest sex organ.
I know it is hard. but honestly you should try and let go not think about it (i know thats hard).
But i want to say good on you for putting your partners needs before yours in the bedroom
alot of the time these days with the whole hit it and quit it mentality sex has changed into something very onesided.

Eli from Darwin

I'm identical to you although probably more like one in 40 or 50

 

[Elimental]

Ouch dude.
i feel for you man
But your rabbit hole goes alot deeper then mine does.
i would say maybe you should sit down with your partner and talk but i think you have already done that.

The only help i can give you is that you are not alone and there is nothing wrong with you.
Hang in there buddy

 

[Dallas]

Ouch dude.
i feel for you man
But your rabbit hole goes alot deeper then mine does.
i would say maybe you should sit down with your partner and talk but i think you have already done that.

The only help i can give you is that you are not alone and there is nothing wrong with you.
Hang in there buddy

Hey thanks, I really appreciate the empathy and support.

Well I'm not certain but I think my problem is that I have never ever had a partner that wanted regular sex.

So when I've actually been given the opportunity, the excitement and passion has been overwhelming which in itself is stressful and then to add to that, I've always felt I was never good enough because I've never really had the opportunities with the one partner to get good at it,

and it's often when I don't necessarily feel at my best, or I'm tired and you can never turn it down because she might not feel like it later or ever again and you'll hate yourself forever if you missed an opportunity, so then I'm nervous wanting to please in the hope that it will happen again and may become regular which it never has and when it doesn't, I know that the time until the next opportunity could be months or more, so when I get another opportunity, I'm even more stressed and unable to focus on myself.

I don't know if that makes any sense, but thanks again for understanding.

 

[Trickortreat]

Climax is not necessary to still have great sex

Yes it is, feels like a whole lot of wasted effort if u dont cross the line. Selfish, but hey...

 

[Phoebe]

Yes it is, feels like a whole lot of wasted effort if u dont cross the line. Selfish, but hey...

Okay so you dont climax but your woman does.. that to me is a win/win.....

 

[XLNC]

Yes it is, feels like a whole lot of wasted effort if u dont cross the line. Selfish, but hey...

I don't want to just give your comment a nasty-looking red cross, Tot, coz that's plain rude, so I shall explain my disagreement with it.

While experiencing a mind-blowing orgasm oneself is naturally fantastic, I definitely do not think that foreplay and intercourse is ever 'wasted' even if you don't end up 'finishing' as one would like to ideally. The times it has happened to me, I have still had fun if it's been with a lady I genuinely liked, even better if she has climaxed and appreciated it.

The only times it's been wasted is if I've been with a dud -- ironically, in those situations I actually try harder to ensure I at least cum perhaps because I become more selfish with someone for whom I have no positive feelings and don't want the session to be a total loss.

 

[Tania Admin]

Hmm, I've been thinking on this one and there is 2 sides to it. On occasion this happens to Naughty Thoughts. At first (as this was my first experience in a relationship where this has happened), I felt slightly inadequate, like it wasn't fair on him and that maybe I was doing something wrong. I have now kind of gotten over this but sometimes it causes me to doubt myself. If he was not the person he is (no doubt in my mind he is faithful) and I had doubts about our relationship, I could see it being a problem mentally. It could have caused a strain.
I wonder if any ladies in relationships on here know where I'm coming from? And have any men with this issue "as such" have thought about the flip side.
It's not like a male can fake an orgasm,,,as the evidence isn't there, if you know what I mean.

 

[Trickortreat]

I don't want to just give your comment a nasty-looking red cross, Tot, coz that's plain rude, so I shall explain my disagreement with it.

While experiencing a mind-blowing orgasm oneself is naturally fantastic, I definitely do not think that foreplay and intercourse is ever 'wasted' even if you don't end up 'finishing' as one would like to ideally. The times it has happened to me, I have still had fun if it's been with a lady I genuinely liked, even better if she has climaxed and appreciated it.

The only times it's been wasted is if I've been with a dud -- ironically, in those situations I actually try harder to ensure I at least cum perhaps because I become more selfish with someone for whom I have no positive feelings and don't want the session to be a total loss.

Looks like i already got the nasty red cross therefore past tense... didn't not don't.
Awfull gramma, sinpley awfull

 

[Trickortreat]

Put in context of selfish effort vs reward and i am an essentially lazy root haha

 

[figjam]

Tyre Power!



Flip time! Try this technique, might also work for the guys. Where is Mr Tractor Man when people need you? He might have some spare tyres lying around in the backyard.

 

[Elimental]

Hey thanks, I really appreciate the empathy and support.

Well I'm not certain but I think my problem is that I have never ever had a partner that wanted regular sex.

So when I've actually been given the opportunity, the excitement and passion has been overwhelming which in itself is stressful and then to add to that, I've always felt I was never good enough because I've never really had the opportunities with the one partner to get good at it,

and it's often when I don't necessarily feel at my best, or I'm tired and you can never turn it down because she might not feel like it later or ever again and you'll hate yourself forever if you missed an opportunity, so then I'm nervous wanting to please in the hope that it will happen again and may become regular which it never has and when it doesn't, I know that the time until the next opportunity could be months or more, so when I get another opportunity, I'm even more stressed and unable to focus on myself.

I don't know if that makes any sense, but thanks again for understanding.

Dude it makes perfect sense.
The scariest thing about the world as a whole is we are not as unique as we would like to think we are.
We all may look different or talk different. But at the end of the day there are a huge amount of us that all go through the same thing.

Just maybe next time. Slow it down breath. And just go with it.
Rain hail or shine your partner is still with you so far. I doubt you cannot move past this together.

 

[frank mueller]

Just come accross this interesting thread. What hasn't been mentioned is that low testosterone could be responsible for the inability to climax even though you may have an erection. I'm in my mid 50's and this problem is not uncommon but you need to have a good GP who will treat your sexual health seriously. I wasn't entirely satisfied with my GP's statement that my testosterone count is "normal". Normal means bugger all, it just means it is within a range, it could be at the low end and that could affect your ability to "cross the line". I got myself tested (a simple blood test) for "free testosterone" and "total testosterone" plus liver function. It was low for a man of my age and I have started a treatment to boost testosterone to a higher level. I'll see how it goes. If your GP is useless ask him a referral to see a sexual health clinic or urologist or ring them directly and ask if a referral is necessary.
There is also another issue named "retrograde ejaculation" and is a side effect of prostate cancer treatment, in this instance there is ejaculation but the sperm goes backward into the bladder and when you urinate the colour is milky.
I also happen to agree with MAK that climax is not necessary to have great sex, there is such a thing as experiencing pleasure on a visual level (my regular WL is smoking hot) and also the sensory delights of long foreplay with lots of touching, licking, kissing, exploring and pleasuring each other. For me, visiting my WL is an experience that goes well beyond a quick BJ and ejaculation, there is also intelligent conversation, communication, sharing a bottle of champagne and just enjoying each other.