Moral Dilemma

[muffler85]

Hi Guys/Girls,

Predicament: Been with partner for long time and since very young. have had other sexual encounters and loved them

Never clicked same was on physical side with current partner but in love very much

Main problem is they are just not interested anymore and openely admit it, sex is great just not ofetn. Have explained how i feel and suggest i may visit adn use the services of an establishment. Have openly discussed and deabeted now for a while amicably. Answer is NO, considered to be wrong though admits their is a huge lack of libido but not really interested in exploring.

If i think it can save the relationship and keep me with the one i love should i just go anyway and never speak of it?

COnfuesd one

 

[Sir Stefan]

if you do it... to fulfil a need that is NOT being provided for within your existing relationship... then I see no problem in that.... if you do it because you are 'greedy' then that is different.

If you do it for the former...then keep it confidential...otherwise it may well wreck your present relationship.

if you do it to 'feed a greed'... then your relationship is probably doomed anyway.

Proceed.... but proceed with caution.

 

[swingingstories]

Hi Muffler85,

I can totally relate to your situation, including your confusion. Unfortunately, I can offer no clarity, but to share my story with you.

I too was married to one person from very very young, and when that marriage finally ended I wound up in another long term relationship and subsequently married that man. I'm still married to him and love him very much.

However we suffer from mismatched libido's too. Whether it is because he is tired, or bored, I'm not sure, but it affects me. I have tried discussing this and we have been to doctors and counsellors and tantric workshops and all sorts of things, nothing seems to make a difference. Don't get me wrong, we have amazing sex, mind blowing, ground shaking, can't walk afterwards sex, when we have it, it's just that once or twice a fortnight isn't enough for me.

We are involved in the swinging scene, although this is not the panacea you would initially imagine. Firstly, I feel that extracurricular activity needs to stay in it's place, that is as a bonus, not the main outlet. Secondly, it is very confronting to me to see my husband's libido go through the ceiling when someone else is involved, but be missing in action where it comes to me. Again, we've had some great experiences, but it isn't the fulfillment a regular healthy home sex life could be.

As for indulging outside your marriage, I can only offer this word of caution. If you do not have consent it is cheating. If you can reconcile that in your mind then you are ok, but I discovered recently that even if you think you will view a situation a particular way, once you are in it, you may feel differently.

I am sorry I don't have any answers, I will be watching this thread to see if anyone has any hints or suggestions.

Love
swingingstories

 

[Buzz]

I empathise with you. You are the only person who can make the moral judgement on having an extramarital affair. Its far too complex to say its immoral or its cheating. there are many factors and reasons involved. For my mind if its a way of keeping a relationship together for what ever purpose/reason then it can be justified or accepted.

 

[Smokin1834]

Hi Muffler85
Mate, a really tricky one. I think a lot of men would love to know the solution to this one. I am married but have indulged out of boredom. I relatively ok with it, but agree that once the deed is done, you can feel worse than you thought you would.


Maybe try R & T first and see how you cope with that
Good luck

 

[muffler85]

Thanks for all the great replies. It gives me a sense of comfort to know im not the only who has experienced this predicament.

 

[TemptMe]

I am sure that there are many people out there that have suffered or are suffering in similar circumstances....Personally I see nothing to gain from dishonesty...it will be uncovered at some point and it is the dishonesty and cover-up that will be the most distructive.