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Looking for some feedback (long read, get comfortable)

Daredevil

Daredevil

Silver Member
There are a few SW that I have not got around to booking, and I keep an eye on their twitter feeds intermittently to see whether I want to set up an appointment. One in particular had a horrid 2019, and when she posted in early 2020 that she had another dose of incredibly bad luck - and was looking for financial assistance, or simply just some love to feel a bit better. This was right before her birthday.

Weirdly, I was compelled to get in touch. I texted her that I had seen her tweets, felt horrible for her, and said that if there was anything that she needed - a bill paid, some shopping done, etc - to let me know. She thanked me and said that she'd take me up on my offer.

With her birthday the next day, I wanted to get her something to put a smile on her face, and decided I'd get some chocolates from a Koko Black. There was some difficulty in meeting up - and I understood she may have some hesitation given we hadnt met previously - but it worked out that I could drop them off to her at her friends place. Cover story (for her) was set up, and I dropped them off while she was on her way there, and not long after I got an awesome text from her thanking me again.

Life is good.

A week or so later I check in to see how her recovery is going, and the news is somewhat positive. She asks me if she books a hotel in the city, would I be interested in meeting up. We work out the details, lock in a date and time.

I don't make any contact after that, so as not to be overbearing, and she texts me the day before to check whether I am still good. :I let her know that I cant wait, and ask whether she knows the logistics of the particular hotel and how to get in and out discretely, as I dont want it to be awkward for either of us.

No response, but I wasnt concerned.

The day comes, and I drive to the city and text her that I am parked, and to get details of where to go. This is 15 minutes before the appointment.

No answer.

I wait 20 minutes, and text her to check that everything is ok.

No answer.

Over the following 20 minutes, I text a couple more times - suggesting that if there is an issue with the appointment, thats fine, but just let me know. I was worried for her safety (who knows what can happen) but in reality there was nothing I could do to help if there was a problem at all.

Nothing.

Eventually after being in the city for 90 minutes, I give up. I'm really starting to worry, as we'd gone from having great chats, her being really positive towards me (I know, I know, but it seemed genuine) and her checking the appointment was still on, to getting ghosted. I was hoping something had happened like her phone had died, or something similar that meant she was ok, and we'd work out another time.

But still nothing.

I was flying to Adelaide the next day, sick to my stomach - no tweets from her, and I was worried something had happened.

The next night, I got the good and bad news. She tweeted - fantastic, she is ok - but by being fine that meant that the reason for her lack of response was now unexplained.

I sent her an email, and have left it at that. But I'm gutted and I have no idea what I must have done. (especially given on the Monday is was fine, and despite no contact by Tuesday something had changed). Weirdly, I'd still love to see her, but I think the awkwardness of what went wrong a few weeks back would be hard to overcome.

Sorry, this feels like therapy for me getting this down.
 
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Seems like she wanted help but when you reached out she backed out ! I offered a girl help a while back and a similar thing happened ! As soon as a meeting was organised no show ! A couple days later sent bank account details to give her money with the meet later scenario !
 
There was a definite separation between the gift of chocolates - I made it clear there were no strings attached, no expectations etc. I just felt bad for her, I cheered her up, mission accomplished.

It was a week or so later when we chatted again, and that was purely around setting up a time and place to meet. The hard part to reconcile is that it was her that offered to meet up (with financial terms, obviously), and her that followed up the day before the meeting. So if I did something that bothered her, there was certainly no clue given. I doubt it was a financial issue - I offered a deposit but she declined.

Everything I had seen about her from her twitter feed, or comments to her tweets by clients and colleagues suggested she was an absolute genuine SW and someone anyone would want to spend time with.

Ultimately, it is what it is. But the confusion remains.

(Note that I have deliberately left out her specific details. I don't want this to be something to target her or bring her down, it was more just sharing my experience and wondering where it all went wrong)
 
Daredevil said:
There was a definite separation between the gift of chocolates - I made it clear there were no strings attached, no expectations etc. I just felt bad for her, I cheered her up, mission accomplished.

It was a week or so later when we chatted again, and that was purely around setting up a time and place to meet. The hard part to reconcile is that it was her that offered to meet up (with financial terms, obviously), and her that followed up the day before the meeting. So if I did something that bothered her, there was certainly no clue given. I doubt it was a financial issue - I offered a deposit but she declined.

Everything I had seen about her from her twitter feed, or comments to her tweets by clients and colleagues suggested she was an absolute genuine SW and someone anyone would want to spend time with.

Ultimately, it is what it is. But the confusion remains.

(Note that I have deliberately left out her specific details. I don't want this to be something to target her or bring her down, it was more just sharing my experience and wondering where it all went wrong)
Click to expand...

What is SW?
 
The following is said with the aim of helping you understand while also being honest. It seems to me you've been receiving mixed messages, hence the confusion.

-it could be simply that she has a hectic, chaotic life style and it's nothing to do with you.
-it could be that from her perspective, she's receiving attention from a guy she's not met but seems really, really keen. One very pretty lady I know got the shits because this guy was all "falling in love" but "didn't know me". ie he's was attracted to her physically, but didn't know her.
-I think that it would be good to reflect on the thing that drove you to contact her, you say:
Daredevil said:
Weirdly, I was compelled to get in touch.
Click to expand...
I'd encourage you to ask yourself why you had a compulsion to contact her? Could it be a "knight in shining armour" kinda thing? It's not uncommon for men to want to rescue & help women. Could be many reasons...
-lastly, working ladies have to be super careful, they will always be physically weaker. They have to judge their safety on very imperfect info. You could be a perfect example of male decency, but she can't know that for absolute certain. This kinda thing was all over the news in Sydney.
-it may be something else entirely...
👍
 
Maybe she's just not ready yet...once things start to crystallize I guess the internal voices of self-doubt might have started. She's OK..that was your main priority...now let her find space to work it through...If it was going to work out OK, then it will...if not, then you've saved yourself time/pain and more doubt.. Not pushing her too hard too quick is a test of NSA! ;-)

Best of luck and thanks for sharing. Tyco
 
jtb90 said:
The following is said with the aim of helping you understand while also being honest. It seems to me you've been receiving mixed messages, hence the confusion.

-it could be simply that she has a hectic, chaotic life style and it's nothing to do with you.
-it could be that from her perspective, she's receiving attention from a guy she's not met but seems really, really keen. One very pretty lady I know got the shits because this guy was all "falling in love" but "didn't know me". ie he's was attracted to her physically, but didn't know her.
-I think that it would be good to reflect on the thing that drove you to contact her, you say:

I'd encourage you to ask yourself why you had a compulsion to contact her? Could it be a "knight in shining armour" kinda thing? It's not uncommon for men to want to rescue & help women. Could be many reasons...
-lastly, working ladies have to be super careful, they will always be physically weaker. They have to judge their safety on very imperfect info. You could be a perfect example of male decency, but she can't know that for absolute certain. This kinda thing was all over the news in Sydney.
-it may be something else entirely...
👍
Click to expand...
or she may of had another offer that day !
 
jtb90 said:
The following is said with the aim of helping you understand while also being honest. It seems to me you've been receiving mixed messages, hence the confusion.

-it could be simply that she has a hectic, chaotic life style and it's nothing to do with you.
-it could be that from her perspective, she's receiving attention from a guy she's not met but seems really, really keen. One very pretty lady I know got the shits because this guy was all "falling in love" but "didn't know me". ie he's was attracted to her physically, but didn't know her.
-I think that it would be good to reflect on the thing that drove you to contact her, you say:

I'd encourage you to ask yourself why you had a compulsion to contact her? Could it be a "knight in shining armour" kinda thing? It's not uncommon for men to want to rescue & help women. Could be many reasons...
-lastly, working ladies have to be super careful, they will always be physically weaker. They have to judge their safety on very imperfect info. You could be a perfect example of male decency, but she can't know that for absolute certain. This kinda thing was all over the news in Sydney.
-it may be something else entirely...
👍
Click to expand...

Appreciate the feedback. In terms of the "compelled to help" bit, I guess I can provide more context for you.

Last year I met the person who is behnd the Kindness Factory. Basically, its simply about doing more good things for people. So since then, I've left money behind for the next person at a coffee shop, or at a Subway, or at a car wash, or paid for someone's shopping when I've been doing my own - trying to do something each week.

The chocolates for her birthday was simply another one of those things. It had the extra benefit of me knowing her circumstances and it coming at a good time for her, given her struggles.

That all said, I've written all this from my perspective - and appreciate that she may have looked at things differently. I'm a "brutal honesty" type of person - tell me even if it is bad news, so if it was me, then I'd rather hear it than not know.

As said before, I can understand any SW having some hesitancy when they meet a client for the first time. Its just a shame that wasnt communicated (if indeed that was the issue) beforehand. Every text leading up to her last (the day before the appointment) was positive, so I was definitely blindsided.
 
Daredevil said:
Appreciate the feedback. In terms of the "compelled to help" bit, I guess I can provide more context for you.

Last year I met the person who is behnd the Kindness Factory. Basically, its simply about doing more good things for people. So since then, I've left money behind for the next person at a coffee shop, or at a Subway, or at a car wash, or paid for someone's shopping when I've been doing my own - trying to do something each week.

The chocolates for her birthday was simply another one of those things. It had the extra benefit of me knowing her circumstances and it coming at a good time for her, given her struggles.

That all said, I've written all this from my perspective - and appreciate that she may have looked at things differently. I'm a "brutal honesty" type of person - tell me even if it is bad news, so if it was me, then I'd rather hear it than not know.

As said before, I can understand any SW having some hesitancy when they meet a client for the first time. Its just a shame that wasnt communicated (if indeed that was the issue) beforehand. Every text leading up to her last (the day before the appointment) was positive, so I was definitely blindsided.
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one day you may get the chance to meet that your waiting for 👍
 
I had something somewhat similar. Booked an absolutely stunning sex worker twice and on the 3rd booking we set a time and I waited outside the hotel to confirm when was ready but didn't get a response, never heard back and have never seen her advertise again. I was absolutely gutted because even though I enjoyed talking with her I absolutely understood the boundaries of this sort of stuff.

There could be so many reasons why they stopped responding and I know how you feel where you just wanted to know what happened but sometimes we just won't get an answer. I'd say some of the responses here are probably one of the reasons.

I think even with our best intentions misunderstandings and assumptions can happen on their end. It's sad but it's just how it is.
 
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It's weird, but I'm still shook by this.

Given she continues to advertise on SB and tweet her services, it does feel like a proverbial kick in the nuts that for whatever reason, it didn't work out without explanation.

Hasn't done my confidence a lot of good, that's for sure.
 
Daredevil said:
It's weird, but I'm still shook by this.

Given she continues to advertise on SB and tweet her services, it does feel like a proverbial kick in the nuts that for whatever reason, it didn't work out without explanation.

Hasn't done my confidence a lot of good, that's for sure.
Click to expand...
That is punting mate try not to overthink it. Sometimes it doesn't work out how we think it should. Plenty of other beautiful ladies ready to take your booking. Get back on the horse!
 
I think just too many variables mate. You don’t know each other and what other relationships she has going with friends, family and others like yourself. Mental health could also be at play which can have a massive impact on how someone can interact with you even when you know them well yet alone when you’ve never met. You’re entitled to feel how you feel and all I could suggest to you is to take solace in knowing that you reached out and helped a stranger feel better about their situation.
 
So 6 weeks later, completely out of the blue - at 11:50pm (!! not ideal :() - I get a text from her.....

"Hey you"

"Well that is an unexpected text, that's for sure. Can't chat - tomorrow?"

Tried twice to follow up her text, and got nothing back.

It seems I'm being fucked with, and not in a good way.
 
Daredevil said:
There are a few SW that I have not got around to booking, and I keep an eye on their twitter feeds intermittently to see whether I want to set up an appointment. One in particular had a horrid 2019, and when she posted in early 2020 that she had another dose of incredibly bad luck - and was looking for financial assistance, or simply just some love to feel a bit better. This was right before her birthday.

Weirdly, I was compelled to get in touch. I texted her that I had seen her tweets, felt horrible for her, and said that if there was anything that she needed - a bill paid, some shopping done, etc - to let me know. She thanked me and said that she'd take me up on my offer.

With her birthday the next day, I wanted to get her something to put a smile on her face, and decided I'd get some chocolates from a Koko Black. There was some difficulty in meeting up - and I understood she may have some hesitation given we hadnt met previously - but it worked out that I could drop them off to her at her friends place. Cover story (for her) was set up, and I dropped them off while she was on her way there, and not long after I got an awesome text from her thanking me again.

Life is good.

A week or so later I check in to see how her recovery is going, and the news is somewhat positive. She asks me if she books a hotel in the city, would I be interested in meeting up. We work out the details, lock in a date and time.

I don't make any contact after that, so as not to be overbearing, and she texts me the day before to check whether I am still good. :I let her know that I cant wait, and ask whether she knows the logistics of the particular hotel and how to get in and out discretely, as I dont want it to be awkward for either of us.

No response, but I wasnt concerned.

The day comes, and I drive to the city and text her that I am parked, and to get details of where to go. This is 15 minutes before the appointment.

No answer.

I wait 20 minutes, and text her to check that everything is ok.

No answer.

Over the following 20 minutes, I text a couple more times - suggesting that if there is an issue with the appointment, thats fine, but just let me know. I was worried for her safety (who knows what can happen) but in reality there was nothing I could do to help if there was a problem at all.

Nothing.

Eventually after being in the city for 90 minutes, I give up. I'm really starting to worry, as we'd gone from having great chats, her being really positive towards me (I know, I know, but it seemed genuine) and her checking the appointment was still on, to getting ghosted. I was hoping something had happened like her phone had died, or something similar that meant she was ok, and we'd work out another time.

But still nothing.

I was flying to Adelaide the next day, sick to my stomach - no tweets from her, and I was worried something had happened.

The next night, I got the good and bad news. She tweeted - fantastic, she is ok - but by being fine that meant that the reason for her lack of response was now unexplained.

I sent her an email, and have left it at that. But I'm gutted and I have no idea what I must have done. (especially given on the Monday is was fine, and despite no contact by Tuesday something had changed). Weirdly, I'd still love to see her, but I think the awkwardness of what went wrong a few weeks back would be hard to overcome.

Sorry, this feels like therapy for me getting this down.
Click to expand...

You need to be more patient first and foremost this is a young woman with a life, and like all woman & men many are inconsistent with replys. She probably ignored as she could not give you the answer you needed at the time.Don't expect immediate replies. I always call first and if no reply I send a message.
 
Daredevil said:
"Well that is an unexpected text, that's for sure. Can't chat - tomorrow?"
Click to expand...

Was that bit her or you? (If it was you, she may have been afraid you were going to be pissed with her or not understand what the problem was, and this might have seemed to confirm it for her, given her nervousness at the time.)
 
Mrs Langtrees said:
You need to be more patient first and foremost this is a young woman with a life, and like all woman & men many are inconsistent with replys. She probably ignored as she could not give you the answer you needed at the time.Don't expect immediate replies. I always call first and if no reply I send a message.
Click to expand...

Appreciate the feedback. The circumstances of the January booking was that we had chatted for a couple of weeks, and I got her a gift when she asked the world for gifts/money when she was struggling. It was her that suggested she would book a room if I wanted to make a booking, which we agreed to, and it was her that asked for confirmation of the booking the day before, which I immediately gave.

I think there were enough signs that she was keen, and enough reason for me to be confused and surprised when she ghosted me for 6 weeks, including leaving me on the street wondering if she was ok when she didnt respond to me turning up for our appointment.
 
Plumage said:
Was that bit her or you? (If it was you, she may have been afraid you were going to be pissed with her or not understand what the problem was, and this might have seemed to confirm it for her, given her nervousness at the time.)
Click to expand...

That comment was me in response to her "hey you" - but given it was midnight and I'd received an unsolicited text (while my phone was not on silent) at midnight, it probably isnt that surprising that I couldnt chat then - it was a dangerous text to receive.

I suggested "tomorrow" so that she knew that I was open to chat despite her going silent on me for 6 weeks.....which in hindsight wasnt clever as I've somehow walked into a secondary ghosting.
 
Sounds like a tough experience there mate. Reality is like someone else mentioned in the comments, patience is handy in these situations.

I have a friend who’s ex SW going through several shades of sh*t right now and best I can do is just being an ear of support to her.
 
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