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BDSM 101 - Negotiations

C

chrissie

Finally you're going to experience what you've dreamed of, what you've created in your mind over those months and years, in great detail.
Click to expand...

Negotiation:

BDSM is not like vanilla sex. It's not like swinging. It's not enough to say to your prospective partner 'you have to use a condom and no anal sex' and leave it at that.

You really need to discuss in great detail what you are willing to do, what you aren't willing to do, and the things you might be willing to do. And a lot of them you won't even have heard of lol.

There are a lot of negotiation lists our there in cyberspace. They are a very useful tool for someone new to bdsm, so go look at some. This link
Soul's Haven will take you to one, but there are plenty more our there - go googling:) . Do this before your first meeting, to clarify in your own mind what you are willing to try. (And keep it for future reference - I remember looking at my first one and just about everything on it I put in the 'not willing to try' category - 3 weeks later I had to revise it lol, and I'm still revising it years later).

Be really clear and really specific with your prospective play partner about your limits, and whether they are hard or soft limits. Become familiar with the
language of bdsm.

Be honest in your pre-play negotiations. If you have a medical condition, tell your play partner about it.

If you have baggage that might trigger something, for instance, a play-rape scenario, then mention it.

Don't be tempted to use bdsm as therapy - it isn't.

Next: Safewords

More information and articles can be found at Informed Consent, my lifestyle website.
 
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Wow 200 questions I was surprisd at some of the things on the list !


BigM
 
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